Crystal

[armd]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Mobius and Abby
RECIPIENT: Youse
NOTES: Gentle reminder from your friendly librarians. ITT: Pedant behaviour and idle threats of violence

[There's a small moment of taking a breath, with a sound and tone like a tired schoolteacher.]

I'd like to remind people of some basic library etiquette. The library is for everyone. Don't be loud, rowdy, or obnoxious while in there. If you make a mess, clean it up. Don't run. Don't leave candles burning after you're done with them. Don't reshelve books yourself. Popular books can have waitlists, and said list will be followed, and no, you cannot skip places unless someone decides they don't actually want it after all.

If you must bring food and drink into the library, say for a long research session, [Viktor, Stephen,] be careful about it. Don't eat over a book and get crumbs and jam and grease stains all over the texts. If you spill your ale over it and it comes back in an unacceptable condition, you're getting charged for it. There are old maps, scrolls, tomes, and the like in the library that are invaluable to us, so be mindful of how you handle them. And, accidents happen. If you damage a book, just be upfront about it. A lot of it can be mended, like broken spines, loose covers, and more.

Dog-ears are annoying; bookmarks exist.

[There's a lean forward.]

Do not. write. in. the books.

[And a lean back.]

If you don't return your overdue books, I'll break your arm.

She's joking.

I'm not. Try it.

Abby—

[The crystal clicks off.]

Comments

[elegiaque]

( she didn't listen to most of that, but, confidently: )

She's not joking.

[armd]

I've broken arms over less.

[laruetheday]

If someone's arm is getting broken, call me first.

[favoriteanalyst]

Would you be there to set it or to break the other one?

[bouchonne]

[ A loud raspberry. ]

This is why no one likes reading.

[biggame]

I think it's very kind of them to hide the books away from us in a place that isn't any fun. Keeps us from any accidental encounters.

[cozen]

What if we really, really like the overdue books and we are taking very good care of them?

[armd]

Do you like them more than intact arms?

[notathreat]

Hmmmm.

What about cracking spines?

[armd]

Don't.

[favoriteanalyst]

A broken arm and a cracked spine might be overkill...

[pathlit]

[ Skeptically: ] Who else in this company wants to read Runic Metallurgy: A Subtitle Too Small For Reading At A Glance?

[exequy]

Me.

[ No he doesn't. ]

not here!!!

[heirring]

[Got it. Never cop to posessing this stack of exceedingly overdue books currently on her desk. They're just hers now.]

[extortionate]

What on - y'know, illuminated manuscripts?

[favoriteanalyst]

The illumination better be original to the manuscript.

[armd]

There's a joke about 'light reading' here somewhere...

[tadpoled]

What if the books have gotten dirty?

Say herbology books and they now have, well, dirt and herbs in them.

[armd]

Is it still readable?

[sprent]

But sometimes, when there is nothing to hand, you have to dog-ear a page! There isn't another option.

[favoriteanalyst]

I won't send Abby after you for it. [She can send herself just fine as it is!] I just ask that people try to use bookmarks and such where they can, for the integrity of the pages.

Plus, what if someone else dog ears pages and doesn't flatten them back out? How do you know which ones are yours?

[grindset]

When can we expect the tutorial on advanced library etiquette?

[favoriteanalyst]

Once the majority of the Gallows passes the pop quiz I give.

[icasm]

Perhaps we should give out commemorative bookmarks.

[ Sir, aren't you in the library at this very moment? Don't you have a job to do?? ]

[armd]

... Doesn't Bastien have that printing press? We could print some.