bignasty (
bignasty) wrote in
therookery2020-09-03 04:22 pm
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BOOK.
[ inked in large, bold print across nearly an entire page of magic book: ]
HELLO RIFTWATCH AND GOOD EVENING.
I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE WITH THE IDENTIFICATION OF AN UNKNOWN MALE WITH WHOMST I WOULD I LIKE TO HAVE A CONVERSATION:
APPROXIMATELY 6 FEET TALL
LOOKS LIKE A USED BANDAGE
LONG, GREASY BLACK HAIR, I MEAN POSITIVELY FETID
SMALL GLITTERING EYES, LIKE A SPIDER
MIGHT BE MISSING ONE SHOE
IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION ABOUT THIS MAN OR WHERE HE SLEEPS PLEASE CONTACT ME IN PRIVATE OR FIND ME IN MY OFFICE. DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE.
-CAPTAIN DUMAS
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private;
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WHAT BUSINESS IS IT OF YOURS, ELF?
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He doesn't live here. He left on the last ferry. Also, he smells great.
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Cher Monseiur Large Man,
I am sorry for kicking you and throwing mud on you. I am especially sorry for hurting your feelings. I’m sure you are a fine person who will find someone else to clean. Please don’t kill me.
Je vous prie d’agréer,
Twinkletoes
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IF I STEPPED ON YOUR CHEST IT WOULD CAVE IN INSTANTLY.
YOU MAY REPORT TO MY DESK AND APOLOGIZE TO ME PRIVATELY IN PERSON UPON YOUR RETURN TO THE GALLOWS
OR
I WILL COME AND FIND YOU AND YOU WILL APOLOGIZE TO ME PUBLICLY AT A TIME AND PLACE OF MY CHOOSING.
DO NOT TRY ME,
CAPTAIN DUMAS
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Surely it was an honest mistake. You can't hold a used bandage accountable for its actions.
Have a heart.
Your dearest friend,
Barrow
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