BOOK.

[bignasty]

FORM: Enchanted Book
SENDER: Sylvester Dumas
RECIPIENT: ALL
NOTES: around this time.

[ inked in large, bold print across nearly an entire page of magic book: ]

HELLO RIFTWATCH AND GOOD EVENING.

I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE WITH THE IDENTIFICATION OF AN UNKNOWN MALE WITH WHOMST I WOULD I LIKE TO HAVE A CONVERSATION:

APPROXIMATELY 6 FEET TALL
LOOKS LIKE A USED BANDAGE
LONG, GREASY BLACK HAIR, I MEAN POSITIVELY FETID
SMALL GLITTERING EYES, LIKE A SPIDER
MIGHT BE MISSING ONE SHOE

IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION ABOUT THIS MAN OR WHERE HE SLEEPS PLEASE CONTACT ME IN PRIVATE OR FIND ME IN MY OFFICE. DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE.

-CAPTAIN DUMAS

Comments

[bouchonne]

Give more details regarding his smell.

[esquive]

[it's a real shame the once narc in Riftwatch cAn'T ReAd]

[bignasty]

IF A HORSE SHAT INTO USED BATHWATER

[bouchonne]

Give more details regarding the horse's diet.

[bignasty]

GRASSES AND GRAINS MATE

IT’S A HORSE

[bouchonne]

Yes, but what sorts of grasses? Some diets make horse shits particularly pungent.

[bignasty]

DID I NOT JUST SAY NOT TO REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE

[wythersake]

I believe he goes by Lukas.

[fripon]

How many eyes does he have?

[bignasty]

TWO EYES

[bignasty]

WHAT DID I JUST SAY

[wythersake]

Oh dear. You'd best follow up quickly -- hate to give him a head start.

private;

[sulahnan]

What did he do?

[bouchonne]

I do not believe that you did.

[deceivingly]

I will not reply to this message.

[fripon]

Are they the size of spiders, or the size of a spider's eyes?

[positioning]

Did he have a mustache?

[muckspout]

[in hasty scrawl]
He doesn't live here. He left on the last ferry. Also, he smells great.

[bignasty]

YES

private.

[bignasty]

A CRIME.

WHAT BUSINESS IS IT OF YOURS, ELF?

[bignasty]

DO NOT

[bignasty]

YES

[bignasty]

HE DID HAVE A MUSTACHE.

private.

[sulahnan]

I might know who it is, and I wanna make sure this is not some petty bullshit before I tell you.

private.

[bignasty]

HE ASSAULTED AN ELDERLY MAN.