002.

[propulsion]

FORM: Enchanted books as well as loose leaf fliers left in key public spaces.
SENDER: Tony "Do I Have To Do Everything Myself" Stark
RECIPIENT: Hopefully all of you disgusting people.
NOTES: n/a

Comments

[okayimin]

Hardly surprising. Baths are needlessly complicated to prepare on the surface unless one has the very good fortune to be near one of the few surface hot springs.

One expects such things in places where scarcity is a fact of life, but the amount of time certain members of noble families go between bathing is nearly offensive.

[bouchonne]

Only nearly offensive? We'll be certain to spread them out even more, then.

[okayimin]

To be frank, the absurd amount of attention paid to perfume by the surface upper castes IS offensive and a waste of perfectly good resources.

[bouchonne]

Counterpoint: we all apparently find each other attractive enough that we copulate sufficiently, in contrast to your lot. So really, the only thing we can conclude is that the smell is stimulating and invigorating.

[okayimin]

If sex was the only thing that was required for a pregnancy to occur, midwives would lose half their income.

[bouchonne]

That actually is the only thing required for a pregnancy to occur.

[okayimin]

It is the seed with which a pregnancy MAY occur, but there's far more involved with the actual process of it. For instance, a poor diet can cause the seed to fail to take root within the womb. An insufficient amount of seed reaching the womb is also a common problem.

[propulsion]

please there are children present

[okayimin]

All the more reason.

[bouchonne]

So what you're saying is that all that bathing saps dwarves of their vigor, so that they have no seed left.

[okayimin]

Not in the least. The only differences I've encountered in midwifery between Ozammar and the surface is the surface women are more likely to seek cures for their predicaments. It speaks less to the virility of surface men and more their failure to properly elevate the women who bear their offspring to their appropriate station.

[propulsion]

oh my god tell me about it

[okayimin]

It was going to be the subject of my first research paper when I took my vows, but my Revered Mother felt it would be inappropriate to ask the Empress about the regularity with which she washed herself.

[propulsion]

make bathing fashionable and maybe we'll get somewhere

[okayimin]

Unfortunately, that is entierly outside my realm of expertise.

I suppose at the very least I can see if any of my old Carta contacts can get their hands on more soap. We've run clean through with this blasted outbreak.

[keenly]

Just go to the marketplace.

[okayimin]

Mme Fontaine overcharges for shite product and you know it.

[keenly]

Go to Lowtown. You get housewives making soap out of their homes and consigni I'll pick some up this evening before my shift.

[okayimin]

[ SHE FUCKING SEES THAT ]

If you think a Lowtown housewife won't take you for every coin you have, you're mad. But thank you.

[keenly]

Poor people aren't all crooked. And it's soap. We need soap. And we can't wait for a shipment of it from Orzammar, with all the associated transportation expenses.

[propulsion]

me and an alchemist are working on something mainly for infirmary use
little more heft than your standard

[okayimin]

That's fantastic, frankly.
What's the composition of it?

[propulsion]

alcohol + glycerin
or whatever we'll substitute for glycerin. it's a fat component.

[ He may be a genius but the finer points of shit he never had to think about before are surprisingly hard to reverse engineer. ]

[okayimin]

Animal fat would be my first thought, considering it's used frequently enough. I assume you've already considered that option, though.

[propulsion]

yeah we're hitting up some stocks of tallow
full disclosure this wasn't exactly my forte back home but the lady knows what she's doing