therookery | crystal

Entry tags:

crystal

FORM: Crystallll
SENDER: Kitty Jones
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS EVERYBODYYYY DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS
WHEN: Nowish
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Everyone seems sad so: dogs

[ Kitty sounds faintly aggrieved. The reason: ]

So, there's this dog that started following me about. I guess it's mine now or - something. Anyway. Has anyone got ideas for a name?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

There's a form you've gotta submit to the Ferelden authorities for dog naming, they've got a list.

[He's been to Ferelden, lived with one, he knows this.]

One year it's Dane, next year it's whatever the Hero was, think Maric's popular still, maybe Loghain's back in vogue since he was a big hero too before he was a traitor and that's still pretty daring.

[Hey s'up his lady mentioned him.]

[ UH ]

You're joking.

[ Is he joking...? ]

They're really into their dogs, it's embarrassing, whole country with a system of government formed about them? S'why they're still toiling around in the muck.

[Come at him doglords his location is on.]

Last time I was there...would've been two years ago so I reckon it was an even split of Jonas and Cousland because some people think it wasn't proper to go naming your dog after queen's husband by his first name, like it was too familiar or summat daft like that, and other people just said 'hang on, Jonas is a really shite name for a dog'. Which it is.

[Foreign affairs and history correspondent Yngvi Congealedinagutterson reports.]

[ UHH ]

But the list thing isn't actually real, then.

[ take pity on this poor rifter child ]

Um...yeah. You send it in triplicate, see, and you need to have your back-up choices and they've gotta be solid Ferelden sounding names for a mabari, nothing that'll embarrass the nation like--

[Buffering...

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Foffy. Take Bronson. That was Asher's pick for his old mabari, not that he went through all the right channels but he knew who to talk to for greasing the wheels. Queen needs a copy, Arl of Denerim which is where her maj is, they need a copy can't remember whose arse is warming that seat right now needs a copy, and royal kennelmaster 'cause they keep track of all that. Course if you were a doglord you'd send more, need to send them to your Arl or Arlessa, oh and the Teyrn too. Their kennelmasters. It's a whole process, very involved with their dogs.

[ Okay, yeah, bullshit. ]

Wow. That's really sophisticated. Can you get me the list, please?

Before I forget: ignore anything a Grey Warden tells you, they're in deep with Orzammar so everything they say is invalid and should be tossed in the nearest midden where it belongs.

[Excuse you, you are a rifter he has lived all his life in Thedas and will bring the full weight of law on you, he is a dwarf and knows every legal loophole to speak of!]

Oi! Jimothy! [Which is turned away from the sending crystal, another dwarf most likely because who else would name their child Jimothy after all, then drawers, papers, no not that one you utter clotpole how many times d'you get dropped again?. More papers and--] Can't get the staff, right, here we are...Calenhad, Cailan but not if you're in Denerim 'cause of Anora, Moira, Anora but right now with the situation you might want to steer clear who'd want to go accusin' her maj via a dog, Dane obviously, Loghain, Maric, Jonas or Cousland, and Rowan. So heroes and or relations to the royal line pretty much, all other names invalid and will not be acknowledged in Ferelden for their most beloved stinky slobbermonsters. Choose wisely.

[ Momentarily distracted from the ridiculousness of it all - ]

Wait, what d'you mean, right now with the situation?

Well it's a dog. And she's got two dead husbands, a traitor father, and no babies. So...y'know--

Implications.

[Too many doglords for him to say it and Ygnvi won't actually ever come out and say that word no matter the context.]

[ Uh EXCUSE. A note of ferocity creeps into her voice. ]

I'm sorry. Those things are her fault, how?

I'm sure that's not what he meant. Is it, Yngvi. You wouldn't have meant to imply that, would you.

( let her help you small boy )

I cannot possibly imagine what would make someone act like she's some sort of animal because she hasn't got babies and cause her husbands died.

She married a Warden that bit is her fault. Everything else? Not her fault, marrying a Warden is entirely on her and I will stand by that because on husband or wife material I think Nevarran corpse trumps a Warden.

[He's dug his grave guess he'll keep shovelling dirt in his mouth.]

But people talk so with all that and her traitor dad who ended up a Warden and was with the Inquisition for a bit who knows maybe he died too and he'll get propped up like a national treasure because it's easier when they're dead to just shine up the good bits and roll the shit in diamond dust, it's just-- if you named a dog Anora right now it'd be like you were calling her summat you should't go calling the queen of Ferelden via the symbol of her country. So. Aside from the Warden husband none of the rest of it is her fault that people go casting aspersions on her but that's what it'd look like.

[M'lady did he stick the landing???]

[ NO HE DID NOT. ]

Would you say literally any of that about a man.

( eventually: ) He has a point you don't want to name a bitch Anora. It would look rather like the way I named my birds.

Granted, he buried it in muck-

Edited 2018-08-13 23:20 (UTC)

My dog isn't a - a bitch.

[ This city girl does not know dog breeding terms. ]

And I'd say he buried it in a great mass of shit.

Is it female?

Yeah.

That's a bitch. Technically. Ergo, Anora the...

Which would be impolitic in accidentally implying everything he just said. So best not.

Wait, that's where that word's from?

(no subject)

elegiaque - 2018-08-14 00:00 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

rathercommon - 2018-08-14 00:02 (UTC) - Expand

I named my fat tourney horse someone was going to sell to the slaughterhouse Gaspard after the emperor-who-might've-been so yeah. I would.

[Orlesian naming customs do not apply to him, he only has permits for brief visits to steal silverware.]

Yeah, and did you name it 'cause he married someone who died and 'cause he didn't have enough kids for your taste? Or was it 'cause you didn't like his politics?

Because he was a chevalier and chevaliers go ridin' through alienages to kill elves for a jolly.

[Yeah he...he can't really try to make that a joke, there's no politics about being a chevalier in the finest armour with the finest sword killing terrified folk who can't defend themselves, that's just are you a decent person or are you a scumbag.]

[ Jesus. What the fuck. That takes the wind out of her sails. So, rather more weakly - ]

Sure. Right. I'm just saying, women, they get judged for things men don't get judged for. That's all.

D'you think I don't know that? Like I just fell off the turnip cart? S'why I was saying don't name your dog Anora. I'm not even gettin' into Orzammar with you.

[Noble hunters and Silent Sisters and Castes that'd be a bad idea he's not doing that today.]