crystal

[rathercommon]

FORM: Crystallll
SENDER: Kitty Jones
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS EVERYBODYYYY DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS
WHEN: Nowish
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Everyone seems sad so: dogs

[ Kitty sounds faintly aggrieved. The reason: ]

So, there's this dog that started following me about. I guess it's mine now or - something. Anyway. Has anyone got ideas for a name?

Comments

[inagutterson]

Before I forget: ignore anything a Grey Warden tells you, they're in deep with Orzammar so everything they say is invalid and should be tossed in the nearest midden where it belongs.

[Excuse you, you are a rifter he has lived all his life in Thedas and will bring the full weight of law on you, he is a dwarf and knows every legal loophole to speak of!]

Oi! Jimothy! [Which is turned away from the sending crystal, another dwarf most likely because who else would name their child Jimothy after all, then drawers, papers, no not that one you utter clotpole how many times d'you get dropped again?. More papers and--] Can't get the staff, right, here we are...Calenhad, Cailan but not if you're in Denerim 'cause of Anora, Moira, Anora but right now with the situation you might want to steer clear who'd want to go accusin' her maj via a dog, Dane obviously, Loghain, Maric, Jonas or Cousland, and Rowan. So heroes and or relations to the royal line pretty much, all other names invalid and will not be acknowledged in Ferelden for their most beloved stinky slobbermonsters. Choose wisely.

[rathercommon]

[ Momentarily distracted from the ridiculousness of it all - ]

Wait, what d'you mean, right now with the situation?

[inagutterson]

Well it's a dog. And she's got two dead husbands, a traitor father, and no babies. So...y'know--

Implications.

[Too many doglords for him to say it and Ygnvi won't actually ever come out and say that word no matter the context.]

[rathercommon]

[ Uh EXCUSE. A note of ferocity creeps into her voice. ]

I'm sorry. Those things are her fault, how?

[elegiaque]

I'm sure that's not what he meant. Is it, Yngvi. You wouldn't have meant to imply that, would you.

( let her help you small boy )

[rathercommon]

I cannot possibly imagine what would make someone act like she's some sort of animal because she hasn't got babies and cause her husbands died.

[inagutterson]

She married a Warden that bit is her fault. Everything else? Not her fault, marrying a Warden is entirely on her and I will stand by that because on husband or wife material I think Nevarran corpse trumps a Warden.

[He's dug his grave guess he'll keep shovelling dirt in his mouth.]

But people talk so with all that and her traitor dad who ended up a Warden and was with the Inquisition for a bit who knows maybe he died too and he'll get propped up like a national treasure because it's easier when they're dead to just shine up the good bits and roll the shit in diamond dust, it's just-- if you named a dog Anora right now it'd be like you were calling her summat you should't go calling the queen of Ferelden via the symbol of her country. So. Aside from the Warden husband none of the rest of it is her fault that people go casting aspersions on her but that's what it'd look like.

[M'lady did he stick the landing???]

[rathercommon]

[ NO HE DID NOT. ]

Would you say literally any of that about a man.

[elegiaque]

( eventually: ) He has a point you don't want to name a bitch Anora. It would look rather like the way I named my birds.

Granted, he buried it in muck-

[rathercommon]

My dog isn't a - a bitch.

[ This city girl does not know dog breeding terms. ]

And I'd say he buried it in a great mass of shit.

[elegiaque]

Is it female?

[rathercommon]

Yeah.

[elegiaque]

That's a bitch. Technically. Ergo, Anora the...

Which would be impolitic in accidentally implying everything he just said. So best not.

[rathercommon]

Wait, that's where that word's from?

[elegiaque]

Etymology is also a bitch.

( gwenaelle finds herself funny enough for everyone. )

-I mean, yes. That's what it means rightly.

[rathercommon]

How grotesque.

[ Kitty sounds rightly disgusted. ]

And typical. Of course when you're insulting a man, you call him a bastard, which - oh, sure, it's just that he doesn't have a good father or whatever. But a woman gets reduced to an animal.

[inagutterson]

I named my fat tourney horse someone was going to sell to the slaughterhouse Gaspard after the emperor-who-might've-been so yeah. I would.

[Orlesian naming customs do not apply to him, he only has permits for brief visits to steal silverware.]

[rathercommon]

Yeah, and did you name it 'cause he married someone who died and 'cause he didn't have enough kids for your taste? Or was it 'cause you didn't like his politics?

[inagutterson]

Because he was a chevalier and chevaliers go ridin' through alienages to kill elves for a jolly.

[Yeah he...he can't really try to make that a joke, there's no politics about being a chevalier in the finest armour with the finest sword killing terrified folk who can't defend themselves, that's just are you a decent person or are you a scumbag.]

[rathercommon]

[ Jesus. What the fuck. That takes the wind out of her sails. So, rather more weakly - ]

Sure. Right. I'm just saying, women, they get judged for things men don't get judged for. That's all.

[inagutterson]

D'you think I don't know that? Like I just fell off the turnip cart? S'why I was saying don't name your dog Anora. I'm not even gettin' into Orzammar with you.

[Noble hunters and Silent Sisters and Castes that'd be a bad idea he's not doing that today.]

[rathercommon]

What's Orzammar?

[inagutterson]

Where dwarves come from, absolute shithole, caste system and everything. Like, every dwarf somewhere along the way did come from there once in their life even if it was a few generations back. Don't go, it's horrible.

[rathercommon]

What - there's theatre, or something?

[ Caste system, cast system. Sounds the same to someone who's never heard the term before. ]

[inagutterson]

What the-- no! Maybe? No probably not they have Provings for the upper crust and hit each other how did you-- I don't--

[He will stop speaking in fragments when he gets through this what's going on here???]

I mean Orzammar, generally, if you go there looks like the theatre but literally everywhere does if it's weird shit nobles do because nobles are weird. This is the places in dwarf society where you live and your sex is involved for inheriting and all that. So you got the nobles riding brontos beating the riffraff [no, you don't but Kitty'll get the picture in a minute] then warriors, smiths, artisans, miners and merchants. Lower caste is servant caste, that's most of Orzammar. Below that again is Casteless, brands on the face, got no rights and they live in Dusttown it's just...it's bad. Really bad. They're not even people, just beggars and street sweepers and fodder for the Carta. Can't do the work the Castes do or they couldn't, some of it's getting better with the new king but like, still shit. Just underground. No one sees it.