03.

[assistente]

FORM: sending crystal
SENDER: Seneschal Salvio Pizzicagnolo
RECIPIENT: everyone, anyone
WHAT: an announcement + an update + addressing some complaints
WHEN: now!
WHERE: Kirkwall
NOTES: apply for building permits, ask questions, or request projects for base ops here. make your inevitable complaints at the complaint box.

Hello. This is-- [oh, Maker] Seneschal Pizzicagnolo. Salvio Pizzicagnolo. I am-- have been named. Seneschal.

[And if he sounds a little like he's going to cry about it, that's because he is going to cry about it.]

Seneschal, to the Inquisition's base in, in Kirkwall. Head of Base Operations. Um, we have been without a seneschal for some time, now, since Cassof-- That is to say that I am, in the process, of setting to order all of the, the neglec-- ah, the pending, requests and-- though, um, in light of the news from Orlais, there will of course be a necessary focus of efforts and resources in the, uh, in that particular-- area. Diplomacy and, ah, well. This office would not of course speculate on-- just, this office would ask that you please, when making a request or proposal-- bear that in mind, please.

Um. The, the complaint box is still to be utilized as the--receptacle, for legitimate complaints. With the goal to efficiently improve the quality of the working environment in order to optimize the Inquisition's efforts. To that end, the complaint lodged by-- [a quiet rustling, as he finds the complaint] --Coupe, that "we must recruit an assistant to the Seneschal," and the, ah, filing of the paperwork--well, yes. That is. That is settled. Complaint answered. And I have assistance from a, uh, able-bodied-- I mean, the workload is not too great, it is-- But I have an assistant. Assistance. I mean. [Maker but he wishes he was just the assistant to the seneschal again.]

Similarly, the anonymous complaint, that the-- the complaint box, itself, is too small--I have placed a larger one in its place. It is, uh, still outside of-- of the Base Operations office. Please make proper use of it as you see fit.

To a more actionable end. Um. Brother Jehan Mercier has entered a complaint, that on several occasions he has noted that the, uh-- "the figurines of Andraste and Hessarian in the alcove shrine in the mage tower have been rearranged to imply a romantic liaison." And that he has found carved into the back of one of the chapel pews a rather-- a rather bawdy rhyme. [The shuffling of the paper this time is Salvio creasing folding it in half and putting it back in its file. Please no to this.] One about Andraste that, that does not bear repeating, but-- look, Brother Mercier has suggested, and I, I agree, that-- we cannot spare staff to safeguard the sacred spaces but we might all just. Just stop. With that sort of thing. Please. There is much to do and-- and talents might be turned elsewhere toward matters more, um, productive. To the Inquisition. Especially in these days.

Yes. So. That will be-- that's, uh, all. For now. Please direct concerns to the-- the appropriate letter-box and complaints to the complaint box.

Thank you.

Comments

[thunderproof]

❰ wow, and adalia thought she was nervous. ❱

Are you sure you're up to this job...? Not to say anything about your abilities, more just — are you okay? Do you need a hug?

{ private }

[zombra]

Okay, I totally don't know whether or not I should be congratulating you? You seem a little, um, not happy about this.

[strangel]

"As you see fit," you say. I think is encouraging disasters.

[assistente]

[Quickly--] No.

Um, no. I am, more than-- I will, once matters have settled, and-- I have been an assistant to the seneschal for several years, so the position and its tasks are well known to me.

It is more the, um. Responsibility. Well, that is to say--not that I fear responsibility, or. It is that I prefer to have some... distance.

{ private }

[assistente]

I am happy. [Like eating-a-bowl-of-nails happy.] Happy, that the position has been filled.

Please, if you would offer congratulations-- well, there is no, uh, need. Really. It is. It is a title.

[thunderproof]

❰ perhaps the rest of the inquisition would also prefer you have distance, salvio, seeing as how you sound like you're about to collapse from stress.

not that adalia would be mean enough to say that, even if she is thinking it. ❱

Distance from responsibility. Which is why you took this job where you're very responsible?

[assistente]

[....What?]

What?

[strangel]

What if someone sees fit to fill it with honey?

[assistente]

No. I mean-- no.

It was given. To an extent. I mean, I accepted it, because it was, it was offered. I could in no way refuse. And the work of the seneschal, and Base Operations--it is more important than anyone realizes or understand or, or values, I mean, it is a position charged with so many, aspects. And things.

Uh-- the distance I would prefer would be from-- from the authority, inherent with the position.

[assistente]

Why... would someone see fit to fill the complaint box with honey?

[zombra]

But last time we talked about this, you totally didn't want it to be you. Did someone push you into taking the position?

[ Because that's not cool. The guy already looks on the edge of a breakdown on most days as it is. ]

[strangel]

To help the ants find it, to submitting their complaints.

( duh )

[assistente]

No. That is not-- that is not what happened, exactly.

Um, it is more, that. The position has been open for some time. And my relative experience, in an adjourning--adjacent--role, was considered and deemed to be, to be a boon to the Inquisition's work. In the running of Base Operations.

[Ahhh wait. Okay. Salvio takes a moment to center himself, so he can say, more clearly:]

It was offered. I could not refuse. I understand the importance of the work, the--position, of seneschal. I take it very seriously.

Very, very seriously.

[assistente]

[Blankly, he repeats:]

Ants.

[strangel]

Ants. ( said very slowly. ) Small insects. I could bring you some, if you like.

[assistente]

I know what ants are.

[--said very quickly, almost all together. Iknowhatantsre. What is this. Why is this.]

No. Thank you. I know what they are. I do not know why they would have-- complaints, they are--

Please. Do not put ants in the complaint box. Or the letter-box.

[zombra]

[ An offer he couldn't refuse? Is this the Thedas mafia? ]

Okay, well... you said you have an assistant now, so that's good. Because you're going to let them assist, and not do the work of the seneschal and the assistant, right?

[provenforce]

We could glue the figurines in place?

Or I could set up booby traps for them.

[arlathvhen]

Congratulations on your new appointment, Seneschal. As leader of the Scouting Division, please let me know if there’s anything that I can do to help with your transition, or if there’s anything you need from me in order to perform your job, both long-term or if any particular incidents crop up.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Well, if this happens, we know whose idea it was and who to blame.

But nobody's going to fill the box with honey.

Right, Helena? Nobody is going to do that thing.

It's just a...quirk of wording. Don't worry, you'll get the hang of this public speaking schtick. Probably.

[letoldthingsdie]

[Wow. And he thought he was bad at speaking on the network.]

Congratulations? To both you and your assistant.

[He already knows it's Rey, given that the two of them live together, but still. She has to answer to this guy? They've talked once before but he's a bit surprised. The man seems a bit of a nervous type.]

I don't think telling people to just 'stop' the carvings or rearranging figures, but something should be done to deter the culprit or at least to figure out who is behind it.

[assistente]

I--

[Well.]

--yes. Er, I mean-- But the work, I enjoy.

[assistente]

We cannot glue a figurine of Andraste into place.

[assistente]

A new seneschal?

[provenforce]

It's a figurine. It's not like it's Andraste herself. Better we secure her where she's supposed to be than have people continue to rearrange her, isn't it? Just asking people to "stop" isn't going to make them stop.