03.

[assistente]

FORM: sending crystal
SENDER: Seneschal Salvio Pizzicagnolo
RECIPIENT: everyone, anyone
WHAT: an announcement + an update + addressing some complaints
WHEN: now!
WHERE: Kirkwall
NOTES: apply for building permits, ask questions, or request projects for base ops here. make your inevitable complaints at the complaint box.

Hello. This is-- [oh, Maker] Seneschal Pizzicagnolo. Salvio Pizzicagnolo. I am-- have been named. Seneschal.

[And if he sounds a little like he's going to cry about it, that's because he is going to cry about it.]

Seneschal, to the Inquisition's base in, in Kirkwall. Head of Base Operations. Um, we have been without a seneschal for some time, now, since Cassof-- That is to say that I am, in the process, of setting to order all of the, the neglec-- ah, the pending, requests and-- though, um, in light of the news from Orlais, there will of course be a necessary focus of efforts and resources in the, uh, in that particular-- area. Diplomacy and, ah, well. This office would not of course speculate on-- just, this office would ask that you please, when making a request or proposal-- bear that in mind, please.

Um. The, the complaint box is still to be utilized as the--receptacle, for legitimate complaints. With the goal to efficiently improve the quality of the working environment in order to optimize the Inquisition's efforts. To that end, the complaint lodged by-- [a quiet rustling, as he finds the complaint] --Coupe, that "we must recruit an assistant to the Seneschal," and the, ah, filing of the paperwork--well, yes. That is. That is settled. Complaint answered. And I have assistance from a, uh, able-bodied-- I mean, the workload is not too great, it is-- But I have an assistant. Assistance. I mean. [Maker but he wishes he was just the assistant to the seneschal again.]

Similarly, the anonymous complaint, that the-- the complaint box, itself, is too small--I have placed a larger one in its place. It is, uh, still outside of-- of the Base Operations office. Please make proper use of it as you see fit.

To a more actionable end. Um. Brother Jehan Mercier has entered a complaint, that on several occasions he has noted that the, uh-- "the figurines of Andraste and Hessarian in the alcove shrine in the mage tower have been rearranged to imply a romantic liaison." And that he has found carved into the back of one of the chapel pews a rather-- a rather bawdy rhyme. [The shuffling of the paper this time is Salvio creasing folding it in half and putting it back in its file. Please no to this.] One about Andraste that, that does not bear repeating, but-- look, Brother Mercier has suggested, and I, I agree, that-- we cannot spare staff to safeguard the sacred spaces but we might all just. Just stop. With that sort of thing. Please. There is much to do and-- and talents might be turned elsewhere toward matters more, um, productive. To the Inquisition. Especially in these days.

Yes. So. That will be-- that's, uh, all. For now. Please direct concerns to the-- the appropriate letter-box and complaints to the complaint box.

Thank you.

Comments

[provenforce]

We could glue the figurines in place?

Or I could set up booby traps for them.

[assistente]

We cannot glue a figurine of Andraste into place.

[provenforce]

It's a figurine. It's not like it's Andraste herself. Better we secure her where she's supposed to be than have people continue to rearrange her, isn't it? Just asking people to "stop" isn't going to make them stop.

[assistente]

Well. Yes. No. I mean, of course, I know that it is not Andraste, Andraste is--

I would appeal to the good graces of the-- the culprit, before I took such measures. And what if a member of the Chantry had good cause to move the statue, and they could not, why, then they would-- come for us. [And wow would that be bad.] I think that trapping a sacred space might also be... unwise.

[apologist]

This depends on the trap, no?

[ Absolutely here for revenge. ]

We might have them declared Exalted Traps.

[assistente]

[A confused pause, and then Salvio, despite himself, answers informally--]

What, really?

[apologist]

I believe firmly that the Divine would have authorized it.

[ Probably. ]

Harmless traps, of course. Something to mark the perpetrators. Killing them would be excessive.

[ Probably. ]

[assistente]

Ye... es.

[Salvio says, slowly and uncertainty. Sometimes he has to sort through words, to make sure they are meaning what he thinks they mean. Sometimes he tries to read tone.

This tone seems-- well, assured, at least. Salvio values assurance. He has very little.]

'Mark'? How would they be... marked?

[apologist]

Ink! Very dark ink, with staying power.

[ This is a good idea. ]

Unless there is something more permanent.

[provenforce]

Something sticky would be harder to wash off quickly.

[assistente]

[Hang on--]

This... sounds like a prank of some sort. And less like a-- like something that would lead to justice.

[apologist]

What is the difference?

[assistente]

Well. The spirit of it. [? maybe] Um. I assume. Would the-- the Divine have authorized a prank?

[He's skeptical but also, more tentatively, after a pause, it becomes a genuine question.]

Um. Would... the Divine have?

[apologist]

I would call it... harmless justice, that leaves room for repentance. I believe she would have preferred it to cutting off hands.

[assistente]

Ah. Well. Yes. We should not-- that's not--

[YIKES, hand cutting]

Um. Perhaps if it was... I mean, a small marking. Maybe.

[provenforce]

A small mark would be easily hidden and that would defeat the point.

It'd be easier to do something large, then they couldn't hide.