therookery

FORM: sending crystal
SENDER: Seneschal Salvio Pizzicagnolo
RECIPIENT: everyone, anyone
WHAT: an announcement + an update + addressing some complaints
WHEN: now!
WHERE: Kirkwall
NOTES: apply for building permits, ask questions, or request projects for base ops here. make your inevitable complaints at the complaint box.

Hello. This is-- [oh, Maker] Seneschal Pizzicagnolo. Salvio Pizzicagnolo. I am-- have been named. Seneschal.

[And if he sounds a little like he's going to cry about it, that's because he is going to cry about it.]

Seneschal, to the Inquisition's base in, in Kirkwall. Head of Base Operations. Um, we have been without a seneschal for some time, now, since Cassof-- That is to say that I am, in the process, of setting to order all of the, the neglec-- ah, the pending, requests and-- though, um, in light of the news from Orlais, there will of course be a necessary focus of efforts and resources in the, uh, in that particular-- area. Diplomacy and, ah, well. This office would not of course speculate on-- just, this office would ask that you please, when making a request or proposal-- bear that in mind, please.

Um. The, the complaint box is still to be utilized as the--receptacle, for legitimate complaints. With the goal to efficiently improve the quality of the working environment in order to optimize the Inquisition's efforts. To that end, the complaint lodged by-- [a quiet rustling, as he finds the complaint] --Coupe, that "we must recruit an assistant to the Seneschal," and the, ah, filing of the paperwork--well, yes. That is. That is settled. Complaint answered. And I have assistance from a, uh, able-bodied-- I mean, the workload is not too great, it is-- But I have an assistant. Assistance. I mean. [Maker but he wishes he was just the assistant to the seneschal again.]

Similarly, the anonymous complaint, that the-- the complaint box, itself, is too small--I have placed a larger one in its place. It is, uh, still outside of-- of the Base Operations office. Please make proper use of it as you see fit.

To a more actionable end. Um. Brother Jehan Mercier has entered a complaint, that on several occasions he has noted that the, uh-- "the figurines of Andraste and Hessarian in the alcove shrine in the mage tower have been rearranged to imply a romantic liaison." And that he has found carved into the back of one of the chapel pews a rather-- a rather bawdy rhyme. [The shuffling of the paper this time is Salvio creasing folding it in half and putting it back in its file. Please no to this.] One about Andraste that, that does not bear repeating, but-- look, Brother Mercier has suggested, and I, I agree, that-- we cannot spare staff to safeguard the sacred spaces but we might all just. Just stop. With that sort of thing. Please. There is much to do and-- and talents might be turned elsewhere toward matters more, um, productive. To the Inquisition. Especially in these days.

Yes. So. That will be-- that's, uh, all. For now. Please direct concerns to the-- the appropriate letter-box and complaints to the complaint box.

Thank you.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Okay, I totally don't know whether or not I should be congratulating you? You seem a little, um, not happy about this.

I am happy. [Like eating-a-bowl-of-nails happy.] Happy, that the position has been filled.

Please, if you would offer congratulations-- well, there is no, uh, need. Really. It is. It is a title.

But last time we talked about this, you totally didn't want it to be you. Did someone push you into taking the position?

[ Because that's not cool. The guy already looks on the edge of a breakdown on most days as it is. ]

No. That is not-- that is not what happened, exactly.

Um, it is more, that. The position has been open for some time. And my relative experience, in an adjourning--adjacent--role, was considered and deemed to be, to be a boon to the Inquisition's work. In the running of Base Operations.

[Ahhh wait. Okay. Salvio takes a moment to center himself, so he can say, more clearly:]

It was offered. I could not refuse. I understand the importance of the work, the--position, of seneschal. I take it very seriously.

Very, very seriously.

[ An offer he couldn't refuse? Is this the Thedas mafia? ]

Okay, well... you said you have an assistant now, so that's good. Because you're going to let them assist, and not do the work of the seneschal and the assistant, right?

I--

[Well.]

--yes. Er, I mean-- But the work, I enjoy.

Of course. But now you get to do work and delegate too. It's a lot of stuff, so I just wanna make sure you're all about letting someone else touch the paperwork too.

[ A pause. ]

By the way, do you need someone to sand those pews down to get the dirty limerick or whatever it was off it?

[Kind of under his breath--] If they put the paperwork back where it belongs, if they do not--

[Ahhhhh. So much could go wrong with the filing. More clearly:]

Yes. Of course. Ah, the-- pews, yes. If you are not-- it is, um, rather bawdy. As I said. To read. Brother Mercier did a... rub? [Maybe this is the word?] For our records. It is-- quite.

[ If they don't, Salvio will write them a very terse letter? ]

Aww, is this you being concerned for my delicate sensibilities?

[A terse letter... in red ink.

To her question, however (? it was a question, wasn't it), Salvio firsts responds with a momentary confused pause.]

Do-- you have...?

Heh, no, but you sounded like you were concerned about the bawdy stuff I'd read. It's fine. I can sand it off for you.

Well--yes. I was-- that is, um, no one should be forced to read such-- I mean to say that if you truly do not care, then of course you need no shield from, the-- just a warning, of what to expect--

[okay but she doesn't care so he can just stop talking about this and trying to protect the sensibilities of someone who has her shit together, shut up Salvio]

Yes. Though. If you truly do not mind. Your assistance would be appreciated. I will, um, create the necessary form. And give it to you for completion.

[ It's so easy to just laugh at the way he talks, as if everything is the biggest disaster ever, but it's easier to cover up over the crystals, so she puts a hand over her mouth for a moment, giggling to herself. ]

I wouldn't have offered if I was worried I'd faint at the sight of it. Don't worry; I got this. I know where to get the supplies so I'll turn up when I'm done to fill out the thing for you.

[Would Salvio faint at the sight of the rhyme? No. But he wouldn't enjoy the sight. He might stop breathing for a little bit. Straying that close to anything even remotely resembling blasphemy isn't good for him.]

Good. Good, very-- good. You have my thanks. [Oh, uh--] And the thanks of the, um. Base Operations.

Oo, that's right. You speak for the whole thing now. And here I can say I knew you when you were just the assistant to the non-existent seneschal.

Yes. [Or,] Well--

[oh my Maker he's like almost fifty why would he flush it wasn't even really a compliment]

--the, uh. Anyone a part of the Inquisition, or Base Operations-- I mean to say we are all, you know. Representatives. In a way.

[ Because he secretly enjoys being seneschal? Eh? Eh? ]

Right. Making ourselves look good and professional n 'at. I get it. Do I call you sir, now? Or Mr. Um, However-You-Say-Your-Last-Name-Again?

[ There she goes, backsliding into making an awful impression. But it's not an easy name, okay? ]

[NO.]

Pizzicagnolo. [Automatically, in case that was a question.] There is a, uh, particular... the last letters are what seem to confuse. A particular sound. That is to say that, um, I do... I mean. Salvio, would suffice. If it is too difficult.

Unless--that is too informal?

[It's really a question. Please help.]

Previously, when addressing the seneschal, I called him... seneschal.

Oh, no, dude. It's totally fine. There were names like that back home too. I just needed to hear it again.

[ She'll probably still stumble over it, though. ]

I think it's your call. You're the boss now, so I can call you whatever you'd like. But like, during work hours, y'know? I can call you Salvio when we're off the clock.

[ Please tell her you clock out at some point. ]

[???]

Of course you may call me Salvio regardless of where clocks might stand. [Or are they standing on the clocks... what even he doesn't even own a clock] Er, I mean, I am not... particularly concerned, with the title.

Just Salvio. Or Pizzicagnolo.

[ Oh, no. She honestly can't tell if he's making a joke or if he's taking the clock comment seriously. So she doesn't know whether to chuckle or not. ]

Um, yeah. Okay. Cool. Salvio it is.

[ Sal if she's in a hurry. :D ]

I'll get to work on that sanding and talk to you soon, okay?

Very good. Yes. I will look forward to it.

[Oh wait no wait wait wait--]

The, uh. Completion of the sanding.

[There. Totally professional and nothing else.]

03.

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