A warning

[justice_is_blond]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Anders, Oghren
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: People are being warned
WHEN: Current!
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Oghren. Blue is Oghren, bold is Anders.

[There's a heavy sigh before he speaks; the first speaker, Anders, might be having some serious regrets.]

We've a new Warden, or rather an old Warden returned to the group, and I've a warning to issue: if you're challenged to a drinking contest with a particularly smelly dwarf, do not take it. The Wardens are not responsible for what happens if you decide to ignore this advice. Honestly, your best bet is to steer clear altoge--what are you drinking now?

[There's some bottles clinking together followed by a loud belch before Oghren speaks up.]

You need some better alcohol. This tastes worst than actual piss. Funny color to it too.

That's not... Maker's breath, Oghren, that's not for gulping down! Put the remnants of the potions down and stop messing with them! If you puke or you die, you better do it outside this tent. I'm not responsible for that either.

[There's more clinking as Anders gathers up what remnants he can.]

What are you going on about? That wasn't ale? [There's a pause.] My ancestors fat tits, what was that, sparkle fingers?

Who would keep ale in the healing tents? That was twenty doses of emetic. Now step outside, because you are not going to get sick in here.

[There's now a grumble and some rustling.] Never heard of keeping something good around for pain. Got to have those potions instead. Can't just have a good ale or something stronger. Got to be... [The sound trails off as he heads outside.]

[There's another heavy sigh. Anders sounds like he's already exhausted when he continues.]

Don't challenge him. Just don't. And if anyone listening cares to bring additional ghoul's beard to the healing tents, I'm in need of it.

Comments

[justice_is_blond]

I don't see how I'm supposed to do that. Or how that's my job. I believe my job is keeping the members of the order alive and intact.

[in_death_sacrifice]

There has to be something you can do! That anyone can do! He's... he was... I don't know what that was, but it definitely wasn't behavior befitting the solemn dignity of the Wardens.

[justice_is_blond]

Solemn... Solemn dignity of the Wardens.

[He needs to pause just to process that he's heard someone say that without any irony.]

This Dwarf is one of the reasons the Wardens survived. And this is how he's behaved longer than I've known him. There is nothing I can do, and there is nothing I will be doing, save likely investing in solid cabinets and locks for the potions in the healers' tents.

[wardeneructate]

Heh. That's touching, sparkle fingers. I'll make sure to get you something good later.

[justice_is_blond]

Can it be Oghren-proof cabinetry?

[wardeneructate]

How about Oghren never visits the tents again until there's booze?

[justice_is_blond]

Or severely injured.

[wardeneructate]

Stiff drink is a good way to help with that. Good for cleaning the wounds too. Guess that means you should get some alcohol in there.

[justice_is_blond]

No, because then you'd look for it. I've fire for cleaning wounds as a mage.

[It's a bluff. He has alcohol tucked away for sterilizing things, but he's not going to let on or share.]

[wardeneructate]

You'd best be keeping that fire away from me. I've so much alcohol in my pores that I'd probably send you off to meet your ancestors with the explosion.

[in_death_sacrifice]

All right, all right... I know we're made up of plenty of unsavory people. I'll give you that. I consider myself one of them. [Oh the guilt of the past, it weighs so heavily on him.] But there's still a certain level of maturity we ought to uphold.

Forgive me, I shouldn't be blaming you, Anders. It's not your fault, he's... the way he is. If he can fight, that's what matters most.

But locks, you say? ...Good idea in general. [And, honestly, a Thedasian air freshener.]

[justice_is_blond]

Forgiven.

[And back to being amused, now that someone's not expecting him to take responsibility for Oghren. That's all on Jonas. Though now he really wants to see Kain's take on Alistair's 'maturity' when Nate and Anders are cuddling a little outside.]

Locks are useful, as is bribery. He likes alcohol. And food, but alcohol most of all.

[in_death_sacrifice]

So we just have to keep him well-fed and drunk, and perhaps he'll stay out of trouble? Or out of dragging the Wardens into trouble?

[Hm, well... it could be worth a try as a tactic, right?]

[justice_is_blond]

No.

[He snickers.]

There isn't a chance of that. He's Oghren. We can try, certainly. But he's going to get up to things no matter what. It's who he is.

[in_death_sacrifice]

[Sigh.] Well, the Wardens' reputation can't get much worse. And maybe the Inquisition will send him off on enough mission to keep him busy... and away. Far away.

He's at least dependable in a fight?

[justice_is_blond]

...You realize he can hear you, right? That no one would want to hear someone talking about them like that? I joke about him, yes, I warn about drinking with him, but that's because I know him. I've fought alongside him. I've earned the right to tease him as he's earned the right to tease me.

He's more than dependable in a fight, and I strongly suggest you get to know him before you continuously talk down about him.

[wardeneructate]

[This is the only time he's getting you fish for your cat, Anders.

You'll find it with a note that is sloppy and probably misspelled telling you it's for your cat.

...But he's totally not thanking you. Nope.]

[pinprick]

He is a hero of the Fifth Blight and the Awakening and you have the honor of being his brother-in-arms.

[wardeneructate]

Not sure what you expect him to do about me. It's not like there's really any sort of dignity to the Wardens I haven't already tossed down a ditch. Had too many drinking contests with the other Wardens for that.

[Already adding you to the list of people that he'll go out of his way to fart into their tent.]

[in_death_sacrifice]

I've no problem with drinking contests, mind you. I can keep pace with the best of them, and keep my wits about me. [Uhhh maybe he'd better not boast though, he doesn't want to end up having to try and prove himself, who knows how that might end.]

It's just... there's a certain line for decent behavior, and you're crossing it.

[Maker, he's going to need so many air freshening things... probably some ridiculous Orlesian perfume ought to do the trick]

[byblow]

I think helping kill an Archdemon before you've even joined moves the line.

Unfortunately.

You'll get used to him.

[in_death_sacrifice]

[Grudgingly, he realizes he kind of has to respect that. It's just easier to do that when he knows of the guy by reputation, rather than actually meeting him.]

I can respect that action, of course. That's commendable.

Is that really possible?

[wardeneructate]

You know. This sounds like a challenge.

What do you say you show me how you keep your wits about you in a contest against me, huh?

[You brought this on yourself, Kain.]

[in_death_sacrifice]

[Yes, yes he sure did.]

Very well, a challenge it is, then. I'll look forward to this.

[wardeneructate]

Heh. Good. Get ready to pass out under a table, kid.