therookery | Griffon gripes

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Griffon gripes

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Freddie, Val, and Jehan (your favorites!)
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: A Griffon Grievance
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Can we say a group of griffons is called a grievance? A grievance of griffons?

Inquisition.

[This is Val. Don’t stop listening, his tone is grave and serious, which means what follows will be equally grave and serious.]

When one thinks of the noblest of creatures, beasts of the air, one must first and always think of griffons. The dragon, she has a certain unspeakable loveliness, a loveliness of her form, in all her savage glory, but if the word to meditate upon is nobility, then it is the griffon that comes first to mind. On this, we can all agree, yes?

So, then, tell to me: why complain about the smell? [ Because it is terrible! another accented voice says in the background, muffled. ] Yes, it is a pungent aroma. But nobly so. Less noble and far more worthy of complaint is the habit of the griffon of which books do not speak of: the habit of airborne thievery.

A whole ham, Inquisition.

[ Jeannot—who had his despondent face buried in a pillow, before this point—lifts his head to chime in. ]

A good ham. It tasted of hope. Or I imagine that it must have, before it was swallowed whole by a beast who did not even pause to appreciate it.

We ought to have been warned. And another thing—

And another thing! [ It's Freddie now, talking over Jehan, feel free to begin paying attention again. She sounds incensed, but also like she's probably putting it on a bit. ] Hair ribbons! If the beasts want my last good set of silk hair ribbons I would be more than happy to donate them to the cause of brightening up the horribly dull colors you chose for their tack, but I won't have them eaten! It shows an appalling lack of taste which would never have happened if these fine Orlesian creatures had been properly raised.

Perhaps it is not the tack that is the problem? Perhaps it is the color of the griffons themselves. The horrible grays, and duns - the griffons are surely desperate. I would be. Can you dye the feathers, do you think?

—I was going to say, [ Jehan continues, ] I think we are owed an explanation, as academics, for this reemergence of an extinct species. As well as a new ham. If we are given these things then perhaps we can offer ribbons and dye.

And if we offer these griffons ribbons, and dye, and perhaps the smallest piece of our ham - I will take the cut, my friends - perhaps then the griffons will find themselves more kindly disposed to us. And by us I mean me. [If Val sounds a little sulky, that’s because he is.] What an unkindness. I will stoop to bribery if I must, griffons.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Why not think that perhaps you've begun the bribery? Treat this as the first steps toward friendliness with such noble creatures. Worthy sacrifices.

...but perhaps don't include dye.

In order to make a proper bribe, one must first be aware that one is making the bribe. Or else it is thievery and not a bribe at all. Believe me, my friend, we have made a good many bribes in our time. We know the style.

Truly, I think it is the color that is the trouble.

But you're not seeing it from the griffons' point of view.

[He's very amused.]

If it counts in their eyes as a bribe, then you've already begun. And you're getting a unique advantage over other academics when it comes to learning about an extinct species. I don't know why you're not more excited. ...And as academics, I'd think you'd not want to mess with the natural order of things with dye. Especially when griffons preen, and might wind up eating said dye and getting ill.

Ah, yes. Speaking of the natural order. [ u hypocrites ] As academics, we would like to know how any of these is not completely impossible.

I've no idea. You should speak with the Griffon master. Or perhaps it's something magical; maybe you should see if there's someone specializing in making animals with magic here.

'Speak with the griffon master', he says. As if she is not as like to kill us as her charges. Perhaps more. She is not fond of me, monsieur.

And, for our notes, I will state that I have been very charming. I have brought bribes to her. It has made no difference. My enthusiasm for learning of this extinct species is continually dampened by all the efforts made to thwart me.

...I'm not certain I want to ask this, but what did you attempt to bribe her with?

Gemstones.

And favors, naturally.

[You know. Favors.]

Of course.

[He sounds resigned and sighs.]

Try again. This time with books, and bringing a brush for the griffons' feathers. Show that you're interested in them and that it's not just for vanity, and she may ease up.

Monsieur.

[So offended.]

Our books?

Bribes are only valuable if the person giving them values them. ...But I suppose you could buy a book off one of the traders going through and give that to her.

How well-reasoned. And I suppose you know her reading habits.

I've some ideas.

[He lists a couple of topics he's seen her reading books on.]

[A LOUD SIGH.]

I can see you are determined to be sensible about his. Why does this require bribery at all? I have degrees from the University. I am more than qualified to be near to the griffons. Why should I have to buy books to win my place?

Because you started this by complaining about your ham, rather than being honored to have seen one of the griffons close up as they honored you with their presence.

(no subject)

degenere - 2017-03-09 18:36 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

justice_is_blond - 2017-03-09 18:41 (UTC) - Expand

Mages cannot make animals.

[ But

he sounds a little unsure

and concerned. ]

I should think you might wish to explain yourselves, as best you are able, before anyone decides Wardens are also to blame for the reappearance of dragons.

No one is stupid enough to try to bring back dragons. I can't see why anyone would blame the Wardens for that.

[A beat.]

Correction. The Wardens are not stupid enough to try to bring back dragons. There are people who would be stupid enough for it. Wasn't someone asking about taming them and using them not too long ago? There are many of those sorts, I fear. Beyond that, there's nothing to explain. I'm teasing your friend.

[Another beat, and then with some amusement:]

On the other hand, isn't it rumored that the mabari originate in Tevinter?

I believe it is a settled fact. Nothing intelligent originates in Ferelden.

[He snickers.]

I'll have to disagree there. But I'll permit that few intelligent beings originate there.

Name one.

Nathaniel Howe. I'll even, because it's you, throw in an extra pair: Bethany and Marian Hawke.

The Hawkes are Free Marchers, non, by their mother's blood? The Marches are marginally less of a pit.

And Howe—you do not mean the Amaranthine Howes?

Edited 2017-02-28 04:02 (UTC)

Their father was Ferelden, and they came from Ferelden to the Free Marches. I'm pretty sure they were born in Ferelden, so that's what they count as.

[That had been calm, light, airy. Now he gets guarded.]

Yes. I do. He is not like the rest of them; I rather hope you're not going to blame his father on him.

[ He will muster up a Care about one Fereldan noble killing other Fereldan nobles and so on if forced, but. It doesn't come naturally. No, no, his point: ]

No, monsieur. I was only going to say that he must be at least a little Orlesian. Unless there is some hidden scandal in addition to the public ones. We can attribute his intelligence to that.

Edited (sorry) 2017-02-28 04:11 (UTC)

He may object to noting the Orlesian side. But I'll grant that he's some heritage from there. All the same, he personally originated in Ferelden.