Allo and bonjour. It is also I, ze Maker. Hon hon hon. Don't tell zat othzer guy.

[ —comes an extremely gravelly, maybe drunker verson of this post, but immediately switches to a more recognisable Tony-sounding voice. ]

Just kidding. It's your new dad, Tony Stark.

Uhhh so some of you will be aware that Thranduil Baudin stepped down from his position in the last month or so, going into I assume elf retirement. We thank you for your service, sir. Did you guys know he used to be a brunette before taking up this job? Wild.

Anyway. I've accepted the position of Division Head for Research, even if I cannot possibly live up to his hair game. I know, uh, most of you, maybe some I don't, in which case, do better and make yourselves known.

On that note—

[ Exaggerated sound of paper rustling. ]

We have a lot of irons in the fire, potentially. Gates to discover and—close? Protect? Should probably make a call on that. Rift-spots to canvas. Airships to launch, weapons of mass destruction to definitely not build, frogs to capture. If you're in the Research division and bored at any time, close your eyes and throw a dart, or look busy.

Door's always open, unless it's not. I'll put a sock on the handle if so. Bye now.

If I'm being hazed—

[ Then it's hilarious. Convincing someone to talk to a rock is a great prank. ]

—someone's gonna be sorry.

If I'm not, hello. I'm Nadka. [ Dwarfy name. Dwarfy accent, too, but with some Marcher influence distinguishing it from pure Orzammar. ] I'm here to smith your runes and... hopefully some other stuff, so there's a point to keeping me around even after everyone's swords are flaming.