Who let him have a crystal?

[wardeneructate]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Oghren
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Are the crystals meant for important things? Then why did you give one to Oghren?
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Kirkwall
NOTES: Oghren is his own content warning.

[The message opens up with the mother of all belches. Did he mean to do that? Probably. This is Oghren. Besides, he has your attention now, right? That means it served a purpose so he'll go with it.]

So everyone's been in a mood with this Kirkwall business. All that grumbling and brooding about. Not good for the health, if you ask me.

[One second. He's gotta take a drink. And that noise you might hear is the tavern. Because he's taking a break for drinks okay. That's allowed.]

Alright, here's what we're going to do. We're going to play a sodding game for some laughs. It works like this. I start off and I tell two truths and then one big bleeding lie. Then you guess which the lie is. Get it right and then it's your turn to give me two truths and a lie.

Sound good? Alright then let's see here... Ah wait hang on...

[LOUD FART.]

Ahhhh. Better. Here we go. One time I was in a hurry and rushed out wearing only my girl's drawers. Another time there was a bronto that tried to make me its mate. And another time I spent a night with a bunch of nugs that left food for me when I woke up.

Go on then. Which one is the lie? Game is open to everyone.

Comments

[limier]

And the truth is uncovered at last. You guess correctly, Monsieur. I did not join to escape him — rather that was a fortunate side effect.

[wardeneructate]

You were almost married once, huh? That not something Templars can do after they become one?

[He seriously doesn't know and hey here's one he can ask.]

[limier]

It is discouraged, though not banned. The requirements of the life are many.

How can one maintain a relationship in such constant absence? Build a family, knowing it shall always be secondary to your purpose?

[ yeah oghren how ]

[wardeneructate]

You're talking to the wroooong dwarf. I'm not so good at the being married and being a father thing. Best I do is visit the nugget and write letters.

[Better than dropping his kid all the time anyway.]

[limier]

[ whoops

sure did just imply he was a shit dad ]

How old are they?

[ that's what you ask people with kids, right

help what do you ask people with kids ]

[wardeneructate]

He's a little over ten now.

[Excuse the pride in his voice. He's really thrilled his kid isn't turning out like him.]

[limier]

A fine age.

[ precisely the years she'd prefer to avoid. still, it's an easy discomfort to hide when not forced to do so face-to-face. ]

Has he begun looking to a trade?

[wardeneructate]

Probably going to be a merchant. Best thing for the little nugget, if you ask me.

[He just...wants to keep his kid away from all this and being a fighter could bring him in.]

[limier]

A good life, if one can supply the capital. Comfortable. My — I suppose they are not proper nieces, but let us call them such — are similarly-aimed. Perhaps they shall meet one day.

[ unlikely, unless vigil's been getting his family in deeper shit than she's kept track of. which. actually, okay, not that unlikely. still, val royeaux is leagues distant. ]

[wardeneructate]

Probably. Just got to get things all safe for them to get to that point. Sounds easy enough, right? Smash the bad guys and get the hero title.

[What? He's helped do it. Twice.]