Who let him have a crystal?

[wardeneructate]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Oghren
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Are the crystals meant for important things? Then why did you give one to Oghren?
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Kirkwall
NOTES: Oghren is his own content warning.

[The message opens up with the mother of all belches. Did he mean to do that? Probably. This is Oghren. Besides, he has your attention now, right? That means it served a purpose so he'll go with it.]

So everyone's been in a mood with this Kirkwall business. All that grumbling and brooding about. Not good for the health, if you ask me.

[One second. He's gotta take a drink. And that noise you might hear is the tavern. Because he's taking a break for drinks okay. That's allowed.]

Alright, here's what we're going to do. We're going to play a sodding game for some laughs. It works like this. I start off and I tell two truths and then one big bleeding lie. Then you guess which the lie is. Get it right and then it's your turn to give me two truths and a lie.

Sound good? Alright then let's see here... Ah wait hang on...

[LOUD FART.]

Ahhhh. Better. Here we go. One time I was in a hurry and rushed out wearing only my girl's drawers. Another time there was a bronto that tried to make me its mate. And another time I spent a night with a bunch of nugs that left food for me when I woke up.

Go on then. Which one is the lie? Game is open to everyone.

Comments

[wardeneructate]

Three. It's about my pride now because you're trying to make me lose for not being as good at the smarts. That hit below the belt before I said I'd cross a line.

[Look he can say he's stupid but he doesn't like when people get on his case for being bad at something. Especially for things like intelligence things.]

[justice_is_blond]

And you think my pride isn't involved? I didn't insult your intelligence, simply said your grammar was lacking. You misspoke. It happens. I'm done. Do not touch anything of mine.

[wardeneructate]

[Lots of muttering about 'see about that' and 'stupid Sparkles' and so on. Muffled because it's into a mug of ale.

Don't worry, Anders. He's not actually going to do anything to your stuff. But you can be sure he's going to save a particularly smelly far for the next time he's in a room with you. And then he'll be over it.]