crystal.

[byblow]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Alistair
RECIPIENT: Everybody
WHAT: More important questions.
WHEN: Todayish
WHERE: A crystal near YOU!
NOTES: Nah.

Politics aside - is that possible? Can we do that? I have faith in you, all of you -

[ Getting off topic there Alistair. ]

Politics aside, [ Alistair's voice continues, with scolding emphasis aimed at himself, ] who wears skirts better, do you think? Mages or Templars?

[ xoxo ]

Comments

[byblow]

Oh, look here. It's Thedas' most objective man.

[justice_is_blond]

[He half-snorts before he catches himself.]

That's me. Impartial in every situation. At least I can assure you that as a former Templar you can actually pull off a skirt.

[byblow]

Maybe that's why they all hated me. Jealous of my figure. [ He clucks his tongue in despair at his erstwhile schoolmates. ] And I can think of a few things Templars do better, thank you.

[justice_is_blond]

In the interest of not causing a fight, I'll not say any of the things that they indeed do better and let's talk about your figure and what we could put you in.

[byblow]

You're a better man than I... me... I am... [ There's a moment here where he contemplates grammar, but he does not come to a conclusion, so he shrugs and moves on. ] I think I'd look charming in those Orlesian vests, for the minute before I lit myself on fire.

[justice_is_blond]

[He's not. But happy post. They're being happy.]

I should make something like my old robes again. Let you wear them around. They were made in the Chasind style, and they'd show off all four of your chest hairs.

[byblow]

Hmm. I do need to air them out more. So they don't wither, you know.

[justice_is_blond]

Of course. That's why Varric wore so many things that exposed his chest. He didn't want his lower beard to wither. "If it's not on display, it'll fade away." I'm certain that's a saying somewhere, along with use it or lose it.

[byblow]

The dwarf? I think he wore things that exposed his chest to make the rest of us feel bad about ourselves, personally.

[justice_is_blond]

Do you feel bad about your lack of chest hair? Is this a deep-seated issue? I noted that you were defensive of your four. Do you need someone to talk about this with?

[Entirely teasing.]

[byblow]

Yes. Yes, I do. Is there anyone you would recommend?

[justice_is_blond]

Normally I'd recommend burying one's woes in Isabela's bosom, it was quite the cure for many with issues stemming from Varric's impressive chest, but as she's scooted off again... Nope. No ideas. You're going to have to deal with your jealousy, and perhaps paint more chest hairs on.

[byblow]

Right. I'll do that. And see if I can find another bosom.

[justice_is_blond]

...Is there a bosom?

[byblow]

As far as I know, there are many. You see, humans and elves and so on generally have two sexes, males and females, and they're about evenly split. So the people you see walking around with a few more curves than you have, they're what we call women, and -

[ Stop him please. ]

[justice_is_blond]

Oh. Is that what the difference is? I've been wondering. Please go on, what does that have to do with bosoms?

[No.]

[byblow]

[ makerdammit anders i was counting on you ]

Well, about half the people you see walking around are going to have them. They're not hard to find. Being permitted to bury woes in them is the tricky part.

[justice_is_blond]

[There's your mistake, Alistair.]

Mm. I see. So, were you to go looking for one, might there be one you'd seek out before others? Hypothetically speaking here.

[He was a Circle Mage, and they all get turned into gossip addicts.]

[byblow]

Mmmmmaybe.

[ That's a lazy I've got a secret and you can't have it drawl, not a hesitating one. ]

But not one I'm going to talk about like this when the whole damned Inquisition can hear.

[justice_is_blond]

I've a crystal, you've a crystal. Or I'll be back to the Warden camp in an hour or so...

[byblow]

[ Airily: ] Then I'll spend the next hour or so considering whether it's any of your business.

[ Surprise! Behind all the deflective and distracting yammering he's a fairly private person. ]

And if you're really that curious, bribery won't hurt.

[justice_is_blond]

[Not much of a surprise, really, but he's still trying because he's Anders.]

Mm. I could bring something down from the kitchens up here, will that do as bribery?

[byblow]

Maybe. If it's something cooked. If you keep it warm your chances will improve.

[ No, he doesn't always listen to what he's saying when he talks. ]

[justice_is_blond]

That's what mages are good for, keeping things warm. I'll bring something down shortly.

[byblow]

Very shortly, I hope, or I'll eat something here and be that much less tempted.