The worst sort of would you rather for doglords, probably

[inagutterson]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Yngvi
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: An important question for doglords/people with dogs, everyone else can chime in
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Just Yngvi in general? Probably language. Feel free to threadjack.

I have a question. [And so goes the dramatic pause. Or just the general pause as Yngvi remembers what the question even was in the first place.] S'pose it's for the dirty doglords among you but if you've got a dog you can answer, or if you feel like making a guess, I'm not some sad little scholar but I want to know the answer.

D'you reckon a Fereldan would make a dog pie if there was nothing else to eat? Or would they starve first and let the dog eat?

[Christine you're welcome.]

Comments

[justice_is_blond]

With the non-mage healers there's plenty of that. I'm a spirit healer. I know what I'm doing. There are some things we cannot fix or change. And then there are other things that can be dealt with. I've healed a great many traumatic injuries.

[He'd say it was a specialty if not for how frequently he's had to deal with STIs.]

And no. I got it, I know what mabari look like thanks to working with some people who have them, and my... [Anders chuckles.] My pet Fereldan is nobility. He knows what a mabari looks like as well. This is a mabari, only smaller than usual.

[inagutterson]

I know what potions and poultices and whatever shite you lot are involved with smells like, I know there's piss and other stuff in there.

[Gunnar's an alchemist, Yngvi's watched him working with some pretty terrible things. Some of them potentially jizz. Who knows, Yngvi just drank what he had to drink during the practice years because that's what brothers do same as how Yngvi asked him to help him lay traps.]

That sounds even more pointless than a normal mabari. At least they're good for eating someone. I remember Bronson just taking the leg off a guy and Asher would shrug and say fine because y'know dinner. I mean maybe it could nibble a finger. A nose. Throw it right at the crotch and it'll rip off the dick.

[justice_is_blond]

Did you perhaps have a habit of getting stung by things that were particularly nasty? Otherwise, the healers you know might not have been the most reputable.

[He takes pride in his work. Some people might resort to that add a filler, but as a mage who can make ice and melt it for clean water, he's got an advantage.]

Never underestimate how vulnerable someone's ankles are. Or shins. Something small can be devastating, while producing fat less drool than the normal sizes do.

[inagutterson]

I have more relations than you've had hot dinners. [That explains more than it probably ever actually needs to because Yngvi really does have relatives crawling out of every nook and cranny in Kirkwall.] We had each other and then whatever folk amongst us that studied alchemy for whatever slapping some ale into you wouldn't mend and I'm sure you know that slapping ale into a dwarf mends most things.

[You don't pour it in. You slap it in. You need a measure of violence with it to get the job done.]

What if you want to drown your enemy? I still maintain that a mate no longer with the Inquisition is going to drown when his mabari slobbers over him when it finally decides it's going to eat him. Plus I've met some folk who do that and call it kissing.

[justice_is_blond]

...That's not actually that hard, considering.

[His voice is very dry. Hot dinners are far more common here than they have been at any other point in his life since he was 12.]

And I feel that it would take a mabari too long to produce enough drool for actual death by drowning. They can offer only misery there, nothing of any practical use unless you wish to annoy someone into leaving.

[inagutterson]

I ate sticks. And dirt. And the siblings I didn't like.

[So airily because he's a dwarf from Darktown, is anyone going to put that last one past him?]

Clearly you weren't around Jayne long enough to know just how much he slobbered, which is fortunate, really, because you could drown a small child. Not that folk would let me try, always got it back to the parent before I got to test that bit because they're boring like that.

[justice_is_blond]

At least you had siblings to eat. Some of us didn't.

[His voice is pure amusement. Dwarves having multiple siblings is pretty laughable, and he knows how to spot a jest.]

I went out on an outing or two with Malcolm and his owner.

[Also very amused.]

There was a lot of slobber. And then, apart from what Malcolm was doing with Merrill, we can talk about Jayne's slobber too.

[inagutterson]

You ever seen a Darktown nursery? That shit is brutal.

['Siblings' is a vague term. Yngvi's idea of family is everyone he grew up with and siblings are all the dwarves roughly his age that he had all his lessons with. It was a big chaotic messed up mafia-style family.

Eating your family had to happen okay, rules of nature.]

I'd be less concerned with what Malcolm was doing with Merrill to be honest because Asher gave her a dildo so I mean, if he gave her those, it's probably because Malcolm wasn't doing anything. And you can't do anything to Asher because he's dead and with the Lady of the Skies. But he did give her a dildo. A carved one. Go ask her.

[justice_is_blond]

Yes. I have.

[And helped out infants and children when the temperatures dropped in Darktown, or when something virulent was running around, and so on.]

Darktown dwarves are no more prone to multiple children than dwarves who have never seen the surface.

And I'm not about to ask Merrill anything of the sort. She's already asked me to teach her my more... scintillating spells and as I've no desire to do so I'm rather pleased she seems to have forgotten the request. I ask her that and she'll remember. I'll pass.

[That Merrill had toys is more info than Anders needs to know. That anyone he's not involved with or interested in has toys is, in his opinion, but he's got enough mental conflict going on with starting to see Merrill as more person than blood mage. He doesn't need to throw her sexual interests into the mix.

Though what the guy is saying is starting to sink in in other ways. He'd written off Asher's fuss and grudge because what would an Avvar care about Kirkwall, and truth be told he still doesn't give a care there, but this could possibly be the connection. Then again. Dwarf, so no mage relations, Darktown, so the spread of chaos likely didn't reach that far down... it could still be yet another 'my friend's cousin's hairdresser's groundskeeper's friend's half-brother had a piece of debris chip their roof and I'm horrified' angle. Maker knows there are plenty of them.]

Honestly, it sounds like you're the one to go ask questions that could get... complicated results, considering.