A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[justice_is_blond]

Sorry, there isn't one.

[degenere]

[Nice. Val laughs.]

Cutting, my friend.

[justice_is_blond]

[He's so glad he got a laugh.]

The best jokes have a core of truth to them, I find.

[He no longer believes there are no kind templars at all, but most, in his experience, have been the opposite.]

[degenere]

Of course! Truth and conviction. Which is why the ones of Ferelden stupidity are so very funny.

Though I think the greatest danger from the Inquisition's Templars is only that one might be bored to death.

[justice_is_blond]

I like boring Templars. My ribs especially like boring Templars. May they all carry notes around that praise their country of origin.

[degenere]

Notes.

[Disgusted, Val scoffs.]

I cannot stand the thought of a man who carries notes.

[justice_is_blond]

Aren't you scholars?

[He's a little amused now.]

You don't take and carry notes?

[degenere]

Monsieur. You offend me.

Of course we make notations. We are, as you say, scholars. But do we carry long notes with the sole hope that one day we might find some opportunity to read our boring speech at length to a captive audience? No. Do we carry notes in the hope of proving others irrevocably wrong? Well--yes, a very little. But it is not the same.

You see, there are notes. And then there are notes. And the latter of these are carried by the sort of man all dearly wish to punch in the teeth.

[justice_is_blond]

[He chuckles.]

Of course. I apologize for the comparison. But he was prepared, and in some areas that counts for a great deal. And prepared in a non-violent way, despite being a Templar. That should get him a couple of points.

[degenere]

I am far more impressed with a man who can become prepared at the last moment. The art of quick thinking and acrobatic cleverness is far more useful in all arenas. A man who must warm up and perform exercises before action is no man at all.

[justice_is_blond]

Then clearly you've a task on your hands - teaching Norrington how to think quickly and be acrobatically clever. It's quite the challenge.

[degenere]

A challenge that I am not sure I have the patience for.

[justice_is_blond]

How will you know if you don't try? It could be quite the opportunity to study the mindset of a man who recites from notes, and determine what benefits there are to it, or if there are indeed no benefits.

[degenere]

Yes, but think of the lengthy conversations I will need to have with that man. Think of my health, monsieur. My death of boredom.

[justice_is_blond]

Is this when I note that I'm a healer?

[degenere]

How marvelous, monsieur. A healer who can bring me back from death itself?

[justice_is_blond]

If he could bore people to death, I feel as if half of Skyhold would be dead by now. Perhaps more. And we'd have unleashed him against Corypheus.

[degenere]

[oh there's an idea! Val perks up a little.]

Can we?

[justice_is_blond]

No, we can't, because he can't bore someone to death. If he could, we could. But first you'd have to prove he's able of it.

[degenere]

[EVEN BETTER.]

That, my friend, I can do. Leave it to me.

[justice_is_blond]

[...Well, in theory this won't backfire. But then again...]

...How?

[degenere]

A series of tests. And then, proof. A dead man.

[justice_is_blond]

This is most certainly going to backfire somehow.

[degenere]

We are scholars, monsieur. This is what we do. It could not backfire on us No: you worry too much, my friend.

[justice_is_blond]

I try to be a scholar, but everything backfires on me.