A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[aventuriere]

An unfortunate practice, sir. What are you hiding?

[degenere]

[With a mournful sigh:]

I wish I knew.

[qunari]

It's like a club, basically. You want a look at the goods? You join. Members-only benefits, that's sort of thing.

Course, if you ask nice, I might be willing to share a sample or two. For research, or whatever.

[degenere]

[Sacrebleu, as the peasants say. Don't screw this up.]

We are always nice when we ask, my friend. Especially for so rare a thing, so important to our research. What would your price be? We are of limited means, alas-- [sort of] --but all the same.

[qunari]

Fair exchange. You want a peek at something new and exotic? You return the favor.

Something I haven't seen before.

[degenere]

[That's what she said, as the peasants say.

Val, for his part, just answers without consulting anyone:]

Done.

[qunari]

Yeah? Already got something in mind?

[ He's kind of well-traveled, kid. Be careful. ]

[degenere]

[well money can buy anything, right? and even the well-traveled can be surprised. see: the fact that Val and les amis de l'université are ready to be so surprised by the secrets of Pal Vollen

SO ready that Val careens onward:]

Yes, my friend, something marvelous. We are always prepared for such trades. The exotic is one of our many specialties.

[qunari]

Uh huh.

Sure you don't want to talk it over with your buddies, there?

[degenere]

They trust me in all things, and they would only say the same. We are of one mind. Such is the nature of our friendship and our partnership too.

[qunari]

Alright then.

[ This is gonna be amusing, no matter what. So he's feeling a little more generous than he normally would be, particularly where Orlesian scholars are concerned. ]

When do you want to make this..cultural exchange shit happen?

[degenere]

[They'll try to be nice and not objectifying in return. Try. Maybe.]

As soon as you are available, monsieur. And you must forgive me for my eagerness--you see, we have waited a very long time for the knowledge that you have.

[qunari]

I bet.

Alright. Head down to the Herald's Rest. I'm usually hanging around near the back. Ask for the Iron Bull, if you get lost.

are we going to do this because i want to do this if you have time :]]]]]

[degenere]

Until then, monsieur.

[trying to be cool but wow]