A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[degenere]

But then what shall we do for food? Does this madwoman wish for us all to starve?

[degenere]

I have not been so lucky. By all means, tell it.

[justice_is_blond]

Sorry, there isn't one.

[degenere]

[Nice. Val laughs.]

Cutting, my friend.

[heda]

[ He's not the first lowlander to be curious, but any mention of Andraste makes her extra wary. ]

So that your Chantry can condemn us?

[heda]

There is nothing.

[justice_is_blond]

[He's so glad he got a laugh.]

The best jokes have a core of truth to them, I find.

[He no longer believes there are no kind templars at all, but most, in his experience, have been the opposite.]

[el_tybs]

[Oh dear Maker.]

No, it's honestly alright. I'm sure you have other things to do.

[doneisdone]

Is that an option?

[doneisdone]

[The responding silence is chilly. Perhaps a nerve has been struck.]

[aventuriere]

[ Fascinating. ]

Oh ho, a palpable hit, as they say! Which is it, madame? Was it the glass? I think it was the glass. Perhaps not a single singer but a local chorus, perhaps singing, with tragic irony, at a funeral, unknowing that the hymns raised in supplication to Andraste would only compound the earthly grief....

[doneisdone]

That would please you, I expect.

[aventuriere]

A good story pleases many people, me among them.

[aventuriere]

The drapery is heavy brocade, paisley patterned in tones of chartreuse and maroon. The carpet is the skin of a wolf. On the walls hang still life paintings depicting the every day life of a common farmer. The decor is, overall, quite ugly and extremely jarring.

[doneisdone]

You will have to manage without.

[aventuriere]

Fear not, madame! I shall never be without a good story, whether you choose to indulge me or not.

[aventuriere]

Martin is little better, and only because he is smart enough to know he would be frowned at if he were not.

[aventuriere]

I do quite prefer topping others instead.

[aventuriere]

Alas for our too-charitable souls.

But please, madame, surely there must be some place you would prefer above others. Have you no regard for a picturesque vista, or the bustle of a city, or the scent of the seaside? Have you remained your whole life in a single windowless room?

[aventuriere]

We want to know if he knows that.

[degenere]

Orlesian ghosts are even louder, madame. Especially those that have been starved.

[degenere]

Yes, because we will write the story for ourselves.

The voices of the chorus, so raised in song. And since this was a funeral taking place in Orlais, there was, of course, wine for the ceremony. The traditional sup of the mourners. And your mother, there, in the very front row, and as the ethereal voices of the chorus lifted onto the high pure notes, to bring greater glory to Andraste, and to raise the spirit of the dead into--

Well, now. Who was the dead? A cousin?

[degenere]

Ah. Yes, we do want to know that. Pour l'étude.

[degenere]

Of course! Truth and conviction. Which is why the ones of Ferelden stupidity are so very funny.

Though I think the greatest danger from the Inquisition's Templars is only that one might be bored to death.

[degenere]

You like to speak of nothing?

An excellent topic. I was at University, where they speak for hours on nothing. I have learned from the very best.