therookery | (no subject)

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(no subject)

FORM: sending crystal
SENDER: Val de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Riftwatch
NOTES: unrelated to anything

A question of great importance: who is the most interesting person in Riftwatch?

I am composing a list, which I very easily could make alone. But that is not amusing. So, the winner of the list will of course receive a prize. An extra point will be awarded to a Rifter, quite obviously. Points deducted for, hm, [totally at random here,] let us say.... Wardens. I have nothing against them. Once I admired them! Then I had my sixth birthday, and I grew bored with them.

All suggestions will be considered.

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Perhaps we should be in our own competition and leave the rest to theirs. That way someone can stand half a chance and not have to hear about us at any moment.

Were this any other competition, I would agree, with all of my heart. But I am determined to find the very best among us. It is important that my sampling be unparalleled. If we strip this list of us, what is left? Fereldans. I cannot, in good conscious, doom my list and its eventual purpose to such a fate.

Perhaps it would be simpler to include Orlesians by default, and worry of their ranking later, once the wider sampling is complete.

True.

[ About Fereldans. However-- ]

But then that will leave us with a top ten of murderous, self-absorbed, tittering sycophants who think they are themselves so interesting when no one else does. I see already that a chevalier has been suggested.

[ A despairing little noise. ]

He was birthed from a tree! If you cut his arm off, it will have rings!

I am willing to verify this claim, if you will hold him down.

[ Pity it would be too weird for me to have two different characters both in love with her. ]

I am sure I would not have the strength. And it might be one of those situations where—you know, you plant a bit of something and a new one grows. A second chevalier sprouting from his arm.

[ A half-muffled and slightly disgusted laugh. ]

A smaller chevalier than the first, I imagine. He can ride a little pony alongside.

[um]

A chevalier who is, I think, widely thought to be interesting, yes. Have you an acquaintance?

[ eye gleam ]

Yes, of course! You see, when you have met one chevalier, you have met them all. And every single one of them are elf-killing swine.

That is a great deal of swine.

Besides to say that I doubt every one of them has this mark upon their record. And they are quite distinct. Perhaps your eyesight is not very good?

It's all of them.

Oh, what fortune, an expert.

What of the little baby chevaliers? The ones who have barely tromped out from the Academie?

It's a rite of passage they're quite proud of, de Fonce. None of them leave the Academie without a visit to the alienage. Not a fucking one of them doesn't know about it, so if they didn't have the stomach, nor do they have any balls not to stand next to murderers the rest of their worthless lives. Chevaliers are either murderers, cowards, or both.

[ok...............]

A damning statement. But surely more would be made of this 'rite', if this were true. If it were an annual event. It cannot be a secret.

You're mixing up your common. Secret, like secrète, means hidden information perhaps known only to a few. We're talking about easily found, common knowledge that doesn't interest you.

( or gwenaëlle, until the elves ground underfoot were her sisters. )

But since chevaliers apparently do, why don't you ask him about it?

[With a touch more irritation than he would want to show--]

I am not mixing up my common. [How dare.] I mean to say that it cannot be terribly common, or else there would surely be much wringing of hands over it, and instead this is the first I have heard of this claim.

But I think that I shall ask him and see what he says, and then tell you when you prove to have exaggerated.

Go ahead, de Fonce. Ask him.

( coolly. )

I would love to know what he says.

And I will be pleased to tell you, madame, once I have learned it.

[byotch]

Yes, ( just as unpleasantly satisfied as informing him she's ilde sauvageon, ) I'm certain.

[ hey what the fuck gwen

She clears her throat. ]

But to the matter at hand, as you can see, even the well intentioned Orlesian nobility is incapable of shutting the fuck up.

Edited 2020-08-14 21:24 (UTC)

( gwenaëlle would ordinarily and with anyone else immediately protest nobility,

even though you can take the girl out of the aristocracy but you can't quite get the aristocrat out of the girl,

but ow, that's fair. demurely, which is not well hiding the sting, conceding, )

A case in point.

[He MIGHT laugh except he's still smarting from all these blows against him. At least they both don't like Gwenaëlle. That is a small comfort.]

You do not have to tell me that.

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