crystal; odd jobs and training efforts

[katabasis]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Flint
RECIPIENT: Everyone, but mostly Forces
NOTES: Also, a reminder that the JOBS BOARD exists now. I refuse to stop trying to make fetch happen.

Riftwatch, this is Commander Flint. With the end of winter approaching, Forces will be implementing an accelerated schedule for the repair of equipment and maintenance of gear to see that we're prepared for the coming months. Any member of Forces should expect an extra item on their rota. Any member of Riftwatch outside the division who finds they have time in the day they happily apply to manual labor is more than welcome to come to the division office and take up one of the miscellaneous tasks posted at the list on the door. If you cannot read the list, Matthias will do so for you.

[Hope you all love repairing armor and refinishing the hulls of small boats.]

Further, as the entirety of the organization has a well developed instinct for sticking its nose where it might be cut off, should anyone feel they are ill-equipped to defend themselves in an emergency and wish to remedy that, Forces will be organizing training sessions with which to familiarize yourself with some kind of weapon. There is to be a separate sheet posted on the notice board for both interested students and anyone willing to give instruction. I would prefer no one deface it.

[But if it keeps you all busy and out of his business, draw all the outrageous phalluses you can imagine. There is even a bit of graphite on a string attached to the pin and a suspiciously ample series of margins for that very purpose. You're welcome.]

If there are any questions, you're welcome to submit them either in writing or in person. If you have complaints, there is a box for that.

Comments

learn how to not get stabbed sign-ups

[katabasis]

[The sheet is simply divided into two columns to denote whether a name is that of either a prospective student or teacher. Apparently the author trusted the company to figure out how to create their own fillable form.]

[justashotaway]

[ "Laura Kint" is written neatly under the column for instructors,as well as "swords, hands." No dicks have been drawn. ]

[windyvoice]

[ Two crude drawings of winged phalluses appear in the top corners of the sign up sheet, neatly framing the the columns. ]

[technologist]

[ this place is officially The Worst ]

[windyvoice]

[ If you give them a blank surface, the dick drawings will come. ]

[katabasis]

[You're all welcome.]

[elegiaque]

( there's a level of suspicious detail in the several penises that appear in the suspiciously ample margins that begs the question: do you recognize any of these dicks. )

[windyvoice]

[Someone has helpfully added sparkles and poorly drawn roses around them for emphasis. ]

[unshut]

[They're all numbered, an answer key provided upside down at the bottom of the page. Does she have practical proof? None whatsoever. But some things you Just Know.]

[heorte]

[ in the midst of dicks, glitter, and whatever else has been visited upon this form, ellis has managed to scribble his name in the instructor column. ]

Written from the Gripehouse

[okayimin]

[ In a foggy gripe haze, the words "equipment maintenance" and "emergency remedy" manage to ping. ]

Remedy for Quickly Sterilizing Armor in the Event of Darkspawn Contamination
2 parts spit from the acid glands of a Deepstalker
1 part volcanic ash
1 part cave water

Rub into contaminated armor, let sit for no longer than a count of 30.
Rinse thoroughly.
Apply oils appropriate for armor type.

Use extreme caution when handling Deepstalker spit, highly corrosive. Can be used for cauterizing wounds in a pinch, but not recommend as strong chance of festering found not conducive to healing.

[katabasis]

[Returned by way of a baffled healer, who no doubt received the sheaf of papers, pencil, and accompanying note by way of an equally uncertain member of Forces-turned-courier. The note reads:]

Should you have further recommended remedies which you would like to commit to paper.

[okayimin]

[ This actually manages to distract her for the better part of two days before Flint will find the pages returned, neatly bound together with thread and via the same increasingly mystified healer to Forces member-turned courier and titled: ]

Recommendations for the Improvement and Preparedness of Forces Equipment in the Event of Extended Contact With Darkspawn Legions

[ It's well written and neatly organized, though perhaps not immediately useful. ]

[katabasis]

[Irregardless of immediate usefulness, the report is read, earmarked, and dutifully filed without further comment.]

[bouchonne]

It is so dreadful how vulgar some people get, isn't it?

[katabasis]

Is it?

[Like 'I hadn't noticed,' despite all evidence to the contrary.]

[bouchonne]

Yes.

Your sheet has already been defaced, by the by.

[katabasis]

I'm shocked.

Are you recovered? From the grippe.

[bouchonne]

Oh, I'm still a bit weak. Makes me prone to swooning.

for mages

[thereneverwas]

[In loose but fortunately legible writing:]

Anyone wants to drill in getting Silenced or other things Templars might do that you hate. I'm in the practice pitch most afternoons, just show up.

Barrow

[if the cat's already out of the bag, might as well let it stretch]

[thereneverwas]

[here is a log]

action (mercilessly, sorry)

[inkindled]

[Much later, Matthias is sitting in the Forces office, dutifully copying things down and doing reports in painstakingly good handwriting (i.e., cramped and regimented). When he gets to the LEARN HOW TO NOT GET STABBED sheet, he looks at all the dicks in the margins and swears under his breath.

To Flint:]

Serah? Can I ask a question? [Wait.] That--wasn't the question, though.

good

[katabasis]

[In reply, Matthias receives a low hum that is probably (right? definitely; what else could it be?) a noise like, Go on, though Flint doesn't raise his attention from the work sprawled out in front of him. Scratch, scratch, scratch, says his own pen, interrupted only by the pause in which he flips back to reference some other separate sheaf of papers or to consult the chart crammed in at the edge of the desk.]

[inkindled]

Have I got to copy all of this?

[He turns the page around so Flint can see it. Hopefully this prompt will be enough to get the commander to look up and see the havoc wrecked in the margins.]

[katabasis]

[Mercy of mercies, he does look up to squint across the distance at the sheet in Matthias' hand. A flat study occurs. Then:]

Can you not draw?