(no subject)

[slipshot]

FORM: Sending Crystal, but there will be a highly vandalized copy of the list up on the board eventually
SENDER: Gavin
RECIPIENT: OPEN
WHAT: Gavin has a List of Things that he has to apologize for, and also to tell people that he's Not Allowed To Do so that maybe public shame will keep him from being an idiot. (It won't.)
WHEN: Forward-dated to around the 22nd, so that Zev and everyone are back and Gavin's not a wreck
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Gavin is an idiot I'm sorry.

[Someone clears their throat, before speaking over the sending crystals. Their voice, once they do speak sounds like this (nsfw?).

Ah-- I really can't read this, what does that word-- Oh. Oh okay. Well I'm sure they'll understand most of it, hopefully.

Hi, ah, everyone. This is Gavin- if that wasn't already obvious. Unless you don't know me, which would definitely not be obvious. If that's the case just keep an eye out for a-- what? Okay, okay, I'll get on with it. Apparently the list will come with a portrait. Who's drawing it? Oh really? I had no idea they could even-- I'm not stalling!

Ahm - Number one.

No one is to accept gifts of food from me, unless I am accompanied by the cook, and have explicit and written persimmons. Persimmons? I thought that was a frui-- oh. Permission. So you don't need a drawing of a fruit, you need to know for sure that I haven't stolen the food I'm giving to you, because I probably have.

Though it's not really stealing, we're all in the Inquisition, it's really just redistrib-- Ow! Okay, okay.

Number two.

I am not allowed to steal - redistribute anything, from anyone, for any reason. Oh come on, this makes me sound like a thief, that's not -- ow ow ow! Okay okay. Sometimes I borrow things to give things to other people, I don't see how that's so bad, but I'm not to do it any more. If you see me doing so, tell Harding, and she'll probably smack me.

Number three.

I am not allowed to climb things that are not meant to be climbed. This includes, but is not limited to - walls, trees, catapults, statues, ice on statues, the icicles hanging off the tits of statues, etc, etc.

Number four.

I am not-- oh come on, that's not fair, that was just the once-- OW--

I am not allowed to put goats in strange places to confuse our avvar friends, and in fact I'm not allowed to do anything with any animal what-so-ever. If I am caught with any creature, it is to be taken from me immediately. Seriously, this is a bit much. Someone has to feed the rats, with Peter gone. And how am I supposed to take a mount-- Walk?

[Gavin just lets out a SIGH.]

Comments

[arlathvhen]

Gavin.

[ She's trying to sound lecturing, and struggling, between little giggles. ]

[slipshot]

[He sounds very hard done by.]

What? What did I do now?

[gatheringstorm]

Getting back to number three in a minute, but...what 'strange places' did you put these goats?

[slipshot]

I ah... might have rigged one to hang by it's hooves from a doorway and swing down when the door opened......?

... Or I might have only tried to do that, and got caught in the act...

[serannas]

Gavin! Did you steal those apples you've given me?

[ Has she been eating stolen produce??? ]

[slipshot]

Uhhhh--- I mean, technically, they're Inquisition apples, and you're a member of the Inquisition, sooooo....

[Maybe.]

[equanimiti]

Redistribute...

[ Hear that slight sigh? That's Alayre just shaking his head a little. ]

Quite the artful way to describe thievery but I won't judge.

[slipshot]

It's not thievery! It's all things we were going to eat anyway. The cook is just a stickler for order, and well - not everyone is hungry when scheduled.

[samahl]

What do you mean trees aren't meant for climbing?

[slipshot]

Apparently there are 'degrees of trees' and I have 'no concept of self preservation' and 'no instinct for not falling off things'.

Basically it's ridiculous, Cyril. I don't see how they can hold me to thi-- OW.

[kallian_endris]

...Is this another bet of yours?

[slipshot]

[Well he knows that voice, and the grin is audible when he replies.]

Which part, the telling or the subject of the telling, because No and Somewhat would be the respective answers.

[el_tybs]

It sounds like you're up to new trouble every time I see or hear from you, Gavin.

What if you're given a basket of food... can you give that away or do you need to prove it?

[slipshot]

Yeah, well, I have to keep busy somehow.

And I'm pretty sure that would require a certificate of guarantee from whoever had provided me the food, and then they would get a lecture later about why they shouldn't be allowed to give me food.

[dreadinquisitor]

[He was on his way back, slogging through the mountains. The familiar voice in the crystal made him smile, warmed him more than the leathers did.

He listened to the whole lot before lifting the chain to his mouth.]

What if we like those things about you?

[slipshot]

Well, then you're already hopeless. [Any residual frustration and annoyance disappears utterly when he hears this particular voice.]

You'll probably end up with a list, too.

not actually on the crystals because she's there but it's probably all being broadcast anyway

[lacere]

I have it on good authority that you're able to run fairly fast, Gavin. Or make it to places you aren't supposed to be going before someone's even noticed.

[Don't think she hasn't forgotten, buddy.

She's sat next to him, with picture prompt cards, because, really.

When over half of the reports of things the scouts have done that they shouldn't have done in the past few weeks belong to one dalish in particular, we have a problem. Will public shaming work? Only time will tell. But clearly, this should be a group project.

For her sanity.]

That went better than expected. Here's hoping.

[slipshot]

I can't run as fast as a horse. [He may be moaning, and whining and complaining, and he may be slightly bruised, but that doesn't stop him from reaching out and sliding an arm around her shoulders.]

Was that really necessary? [he ruffled her hair when he asked. clearly he has not taken this personally.]

[chainlightning]

Why aren't you allowed near any animals? What if you find a lost, baby griffon and you're its only hope?

[slipshot]

In that case, I would save the griffon, and take the punishment. Regardless of rules!

Voice

[the_effect_she_has]

Ooooh Buttercup is not gonna like that.

[A pause.]

Wait, what am I talking about? Buttercup is just going to ignore your protests and sit on you.

What about your tree? You can still climb your tree, right?

Re: Voice

[slipshot]

Buttercup? [His ears prick up.] Did you get a pet? Can I meet it?

And I hope so, though that may be a question more for Harding than for me....

[salvatore_underfoot]

Well I, for one, am impressed. You should get an award. Especially for the goats.

[slipshot]

See, that's what I think. I should get a lot of awards. For everything. All the time.

[aggregiopavali]

Why would you even want to put goats in strange places?

[slipshot]

You obviously have never seen someone when they come upon a goat in the last place they expected them.

[a long pause, and then, with conviction:]

It is hilarious.