therookery | (no subject)

FORM: Sending Crystal, but there will be a highly vandalized copy of the list up on the board eventually
SENDER: Gavin
RECIPIENT: OPEN
WHAT: Gavin has a List of Things that he has to apologize for, and also to tell people that he's Not Allowed To Do so that maybe public shame will keep him from being an idiot. (It won't.)
WHEN: Forward-dated to around the 22nd, so that Zev and everyone are back and Gavin's not a wreck
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Gavin is an idiot I'm sorry.

[Someone clears their throat, before speaking over the sending crystals. Their voice, once they do speak sounds like this (nsfw?).

Ah-- I really can't read this, what does that word-- Oh. Oh okay. Well I'm sure they'll understand most of it, hopefully.

Hi, ah, everyone. This is Gavin- if that wasn't already obvious. Unless you don't know me, which would definitely not be obvious. If that's the case just keep an eye out for a-- what? Okay, okay, I'll get on with it. Apparently the list will come with a portrait. Who's drawing it? Oh really? I had no idea they could even-- I'm not stalling!

Ahm - Number one.

No one is to accept gifts of food from me, unless I am accompanied by the cook, and have explicit and written persimmons. Persimmons? I thought that was a frui-- oh. Permission. So you don't need a drawing of a fruit, you need to know for sure that I haven't stolen the food I'm giving to you, because I probably have.

Though it's not really stealing, we're all in the Inquisition, it's really just redistrib-- Ow! Okay, okay.

Number two.

I am not allowed to steal - redistribute anything, from anyone, for any reason. Oh come on, this makes me sound like a thief, that's not -- ow ow ow! Okay okay. Sometimes I borrow things to give things to other people, I don't see how that's so bad, but I'm not to do it any more. If you see me doing so, tell Harding, and she'll probably smack me.

Number three.

I am not allowed to climb things that are not meant to be climbed. This includes, but is not limited to - walls, trees, catapults, statues, ice on statues, the icicles hanging off the tits of statues, etc, etc.

Number four.

I am not-- oh come on, that's not fair, that was just the once-- OW--

I am not allowed to put goats in strange places to confuse our avvar friends, and in fact I'm not allowed to do anything with any animal what-so-ever. If I am caught with any creature, it is to be taken from me immediately. Seriously, this is a bit much. Someone has to feed the rats, with Peter gone. And how am I supposed to take a mount-- Walk?

[Gavin just lets out a SIGH.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Sounds perfect. [Grinning.] So when do I meet him?

As soon as I find him.

[Because she actually has nothing better to do at this exact moment and needs some silliness.]

So, tell me about this climbing. It's the titsicles that inspired you this time, isn't it? That's how you got caught?

Maaaaaybe. [It totally was.]

Look, they were just - there. And really tempting.

And one of the scouts said they'd be impossible to reach---

[You know how it goes, Korrin.]

[Oh, she does.]

And you didn't tell me so I could be your landing cushion? For shame, Gavin. I can't have my kadan's students falling to their deaths. I'd even wear horn-cozies so you wouldn't be gored.

It was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing, Korrin, you understand.

Though now I really want to see these horn-cozies. Do they actually exist, or are you just taunting me?

Oh, I've had offers from people willing to make them. Considering how often you fall from above, though, I should look into that. You haven't done that to me in a while, so I'll let my guard down and--bam, falling elf.

If you get horn-cozies then I may start falling around on purpose, just to test them out.