diplomacy, gird your loins.

[bouchonne]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Byerly and Eshal.
RECIPIENT: All y'all
NOTES: Blue is Byerly, red is Eshal.

Bonsoir, Riftwatch. I have some dreadful news for you all.

[ Byerly’s voice sounds a bit dry. And characteristically dramatic. ]

My dear comrade and equal, would you like to tell them?

It's not dreadful, get over yourself. Anyway, Diplomacy has two heads, because we're better than the lot of them. Right?

Oh, yes. It’s widely acknowledged as a show of faith to appoint two people to do the job normally done by one. A task given only to truly quality prospects.

Exactly.

[ A sigh. ]

My esteemed self and this esteemed lady have been appointed joint heads of Diplomacy. She, being a decent and righteous soul, has volunteered to hear any and all complaints that might be made about this decision.

Yep. Love to meet the rest of you, honestly. Come by the head office, any time. I'll supply the whiskey.

[ Byerly lifts an eyebrow at her; he’d expected a protest to him volunteering her for that thankless duty. But, well, if she’s willing to be the goat here, let her be the goat. A shrug. That’s it. Meet your new overseers. ]

Comments

[bouchonne]

As on any battlefield.

[saam]

You been to many? Battlefields?

Not cock measuring, just asking.

[bouchonne]

[ A shrug, and an opaque: ]

As I said; I'm a famous coward.

[ A coward with an uncommon number of scars and an uncommon number of kills - but she doesn't need to know that. ]

[saam]

Huh. Well. Promise not to arm-wrestle you.

[A drink. This got deeper than she usually likes. Her own fault, but she wanted to be honest.]

[Best get back on track.]

What I wanna do is make sure we don't got any Viddathari spies in the city, and make sure we're sweet talking more than rich shits at tea parties. What angles you wanna hit, pretty boy?

[bouchonne]

Any what-now spies?

[saam]

[Groan.] Qunari spies. Except they'll be elves or poor humans, that kinda shit.

[bouchonne]

Ah. And how do you tell a Qunari spy?

[ A sip. ]

[saam]

It's... hard. They're deep cover. Converted in secret, then went back to their normal lives. But there're signs.

[She looks over at him.]

This is the second time you haven't answered my question.

[bouchonne]

Whoops.

What sorts of signs?

[saam]

Why d'you care? [Now she's just being difficult. She rolls her eyes.] What's it matter, you won't gimme a real answer anyway.

[She takes a long drink, cooling that flash of annoyance. If she gets mad, he wins.]

No love under the Qun. Most of them won't have families. No money under the Qun, so it'll be people who don't have coin. Look for poor humans or elves who either don't have family or left it, who shouldn't be getting by but are. They don't go to the Chantry anymore, neither. And then you say the right phrases, and see if they notice.

[bouchonne]

What phrases?

[saam]

[She leans forward, placing a hand on his shoulder, tugging them a little closer.]

So many questions, Byerly Rutyer.

[bouchonne]

I'm a curious man.

[ Some would say "paranoid." ]

[saam]

Good thing I've been so generous with my answers. Giving them away for free.

[bouchonne]

[ His eyes narrow as he smiles a not-too-warm smile. ]

You've certainly told a story with those answers of yours.

[saam]

[She lets him go, leaning back in her chair with a laugh.]

Then there's no reason to believe anything I've said about Viddathari still in Kirkwall.

[bouchonne]

Unless there is one.

[ He smiles quite pointedly at her. ]

[saam]

[She takes a swig and winks.]

[bouchonne]

[ A lift of his eyebrow. ]

You're amused by my accusation?

[saam]

There's nothing you can say to convince a clever person you're not a spy. That's how spying works.

[bouchonne]

[ How rich, to be given lessons on spycraft. ]

On the contrary; there's quite a lot you can say. What that is varies, of course, from situation to situation.

[saam]

[She shrugs.] Well, I can't think of anything. Maybe that means I'm not hissrath. Maybe that means I've got bigger plans. [She bugs her eyes out a little, giving the last two words a falsely spooky cast, making fun of the idea.]

You can believe me, or not. It doesn't change the truth, so why bother arguing it.

[bouchonne]

No need to argue, then.

[ He shrugs, fluidly. Quite unimpressed by her jeering at the idea. ]

Just be aware of where my thoughts lay, dear lady. And if you are their creature still, then exercise caution. Hm?

[saam]

[She snorts and rolls her eyes.]

Asit tal-eb. It is to be. It is what it is. One of the founding beliefs of the Qun.

[She turns to him.]

I was infantry, not a spy. I don't know the special phrases and code words. But even somebody converted yesterday'd know asit tal-eb. And everybody else'll think you're clearing your throat.

[bouchonne]

So many protests about your role.