diplomacy, gird your loins.

[bouchonne]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Byerly and Eshal.
RECIPIENT: All y'all
NOTES: Blue is Byerly, red is Eshal.

Bonsoir, Riftwatch. I have some dreadful news for you all.

[ Byerly’s voice sounds a bit dry. And characteristically dramatic. ]

My dear comrade and equal, would you like to tell them?

It's not dreadful, get over yourself. Anyway, Diplomacy has two heads, because we're better than the lot of them. Right?

Oh, yes. It’s widely acknowledged as a show of faith to appoint two people to do the job normally done by one. A task given only to truly quality prospects.

Exactly.

[ A sigh. ]

My esteemed self and this esteemed lady have been appointed joint heads of Diplomacy. She, being a decent and righteous soul, has volunteered to hear any and all complaints that might be made about this decision.

Yep. Love to meet the rest of you, honestly. Come by the head office, any time. I'll supply the whiskey.

[ Byerly lifts an eyebrow at her; he’d expected a protest to him volunteering her for that thankless duty. But, well, if she’s willing to be the goat here, let her be the goat. A shrug. That’s it. Meet your new overseers. ]

Comments

[bouchonne]

Unless there is one.

[ He smiles quite pointedly at her. ]

[saam]

[She takes a swig and winks.]

[bouchonne]

[ A lift of his eyebrow. ]

You're amused by my accusation?

[saam]

There's nothing you can say to convince a clever person you're not a spy. That's how spying works.

[bouchonne]

[ How rich, to be given lessons on spycraft. ]

On the contrary; there's quite a lot you can say. What that is varies, of course, from situation to situation.

[saam]

[She shrugs.] Well, I can't think of anything. Maybe that means I'm not hissrath. Maybe that means I've got bigger plans. [She bugs her eyes out a little, giving the last two words a falsely spooky cast, making fun of the idea.]

You can believe me, or not. It doesn't change the truth, so why bother arguing it.

[bouchonne]

No need to argue, then.

[ He shrugs, fluidly. Quite unimpressed by her jeering at the idea. ]

Just be aware of where my thoughts lay, dear lady. And if you are their creature still, then exercise caution. Hm?

[saam]

[She snorts and rolls her eyes.]

Asit tal-eb. It is to be. It is what it is. One of the founding beliefs of the Qun.

[She turns to him.]

I was infantry, not a spy. I don't know the special phrases and code words. But even somebody converted yesterday'd know asit tal-eb. And everybody else'll think you're clearing your throat.

[bouchonne]

So many protests about your role.

[saam]

[Okay, yeah, this is officially getting on her nerves. Persistence wins the day, Byerly.]

Oh, just say it plain, vashedan basra... [She shakes her head.] I told you, just like I been telling you all this shite, because it's for the good of all of us. Make our job go easier, better.

[bouchonne]

Or in an attempt to guide my thinking down the channels you want it to, my Qunari.

[ His smile is placid. ]

[saam]

[One hand forms a fist. She takes a conscious effort to open her palm.]

I'd rather fucking die. [A drink.] You'd be a shite convert.

[bouchonne]

But a fine patsy.

[saam]

[She lolls her head over to look at him.]

If that's the case, I'm fucking it up right good.

[bouchonne]

[ A shrug. ]

Perhaps you're a fool. I hardly know you.

[saam]

If I have to play a role in your strange little fantasy, I'd rather be a bad spy than a good one.

[bouchonne]

Why is that? A good spy has use.

[saam]

Not for the Qun.

[bouchonne]

Not for the Qun? So all those spies you're offering to ferret out are pathetic amateurs, then?

[saam]

That doesn't even make any- ugh. No use to the world. They don't make things better.

[bouchonne]

How do you figure?

[saam]

[A very tired glare.]

Guess.

[bouchonne]

Spies are crucial to a war effort, my dear.

[saam]

Never said they weren't. You just- you just like playing games.

[bouchonne]

Ah, on the contrary - the stakes of this are quite real.