diplomacy, gird your loins.

[bouchonne]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Byerly and Eshal.
RECIPIENT: All y'all
NOTES: Blue is Byerly, red is Eshal.

Bonsoir, Riftwatch. I have some dreadful news for you all.

[ Byerly’s voice sounds a bit dry. And characteristically dramatic. ]

My dear comrade and equal, would you like to tell them?

It's not dreadful, get over yourself. Anyway, Diplomacy has two heads, because we're better than the lot of them. Right?

Oh, yes. It’s widely acknowledged as a show of faith to appoint two people to do the job normally done by one. A task given only to truly quality prospects.

Exactly.

[ A sigh. ]

My esteemed self and this esteemed lady have been appointed joint heads of Diplomacy. She, being a decent and righteous soul, has volunteered to hear any and all complaints that might be made about this decision.

Yep. Love to meet the rest of you, honestly. Come by the head office, any time. I'll supply the whiskey.

[ Byerly lifts an eyebrow at her; he’d expected a protest to him volunteering her for that thankless duty. But, well, if she’s willing to be the goat here, let her be the goat. A shrug. That’s it. Meet your new overseers. ]

Comments

[katabasis]

'Esteemed'?

[He voted against literally all of this. Even you, Eshal.]

[bouchonne]

Quite so. We just came back from the bath, where we a-steamed ourselves most thoroughly.

[katabasis]

Ah.

[In the distinct tones of 'I'm throwing myself down the nearest flight of stairs.']

[bouchonne]

You must be delighted, of course, to have a diplomat. Fewer demands made on your forces once things are successfully, oh, you know, negotiated, all that.

[katabasis]

And what, do you suppose, will you negotiate first?

[bouchonne]

Hm, I don't know. An end to the war? Perhaps? I really do think Corypheus will just settle down if we ply him with the right things.

[katabasis]

Do you think he'll settle for a case of Antivan wine and twenty sacks of sugar?

[bouchonne]

And a kiss on the cheek?

[katabasis]

That is no rare commodity in Minrathous. Half the Magisterium is already bent over.

[bouchonne]

You know, I've heard that's part of their problem up there in Tevinter. That they refuse to do just that.

[katabasis]

And here I thought a Magister's penchant for fucking everyone was well known in the South.

[bouchonne]

Ah, but no one gets pleasure from fucking, do they.

[katabasis]

Perhaps it would be best if Eshal deals with any business your division might have in Tevinter.

[saam]

[Fake-whispered:] I don't it means what he thinks it means.

[katabasis]

You've quite the challenge before you.

[saam]

What, teaching him words?

[She laughs.]

If it wasn't a challenge, wouldn't be worth it.

[katabasis]

[Don't say things like that; he'll remember she's clever and that's presently inconvenient as it interferes with equating this whole charade with being hit in the head with a fucking rock.]

It will be worth it if you're able to keep him busy enough that he can't find the time to read us all the news.

[saam]

You think he's that worthless? Honest opinion, now.

[katabasis]

[Sullenly. Being beaten with that aforementioned rock:]

If I were to speak honestly on Byerly Rutyer in public, we could lay off the ferryman and float across the harbor on his inflated ego.

[saam]

So whisper it in my ear all quiet, Kaaras.

[katabasis]

[He laughs. It's a sharp, somewhat cutting and unpleasant sound.]

[saam]

[A loud smooch in answer.]

[katabasis]

[Which is, understandably, an end to the conversation.

For some hours anyway. Later: a knock on the division office's door.]

[saam]

[And there's Eshal, as advertised, with whiskey. She's pawing through a book she can't read, but no one needs to know that.]

It's not locked!

[katabasis]

[The door is summarily opened then closed after him. He's brought his own cup - some stoneware mug with a ragged chip in the rim.]

Have you decided how you're splitting the rooms yet?