An Important Survey

[offortune]

FORM: Hand-written and posted on the bulletin board, AND helpfully read aloud over the sending crystals.
SENDER: Rafael & Scipio, your friendly neighborhood layabouts
RECIPIENT: Everyone, like it or not
WHAT: An important survey written (and read) by two men with too much time on their hands and too few gloves obviously pro bono on behalf of the Inquisition to collect details, public opinion, and information to further refine and direct the practices and causes of said Inquisition. Helpfully. Informatively. And so forth.
WHEN: Mid-Wintermarch
WHERE: Skyhold, wherever sending crystals are
NOTES: Feel free to respond in text or audio! Replies will come from both Raf and Skip. Threadjacking highly encouraged!!

1. What is the most useless animal?

   1. If you had to be transformed into an animal what would you choose?

   2. Why would you not choose the most useless animal so that people would leave you alone?
      

2. Why do people want to go stand in the snow instead of at least going to a nice warm place even if it is full of Wardens?

3. Choose a better nickname for Skyhold.

   1. Some suggestions include:

      1. Skycold

      2. Snowhold

      3. Frozehold

      4. Frostbit shithole

4. Choose nicknames for the advisors. So far our favorites include Noodlehair Ruthotford, Josefiiiiiine, and Leliana (Isn't it a pretty name? Why mess with perfection? [We hear she'll stab us in our sleep.]). We are sure that you can all do better than these.

5. Choose a mascot for Skyhold. If you want it to be the same as the answer to #1 we're not going to argue.

6. Pick a motto for the Inquisition.

   1. Some suggestions:

      1. “The Hairy Eye Sees All”

      2. “A Lifetime of Cold”

      3. “Doing Some Good (And We Have Proof)”

7. What is the best thing to eat where you are from? Provide samples if possible. (Samples can be directed to SCIPIO AND RAFAEL at A TAVERN.)

8. If you could do one and only one magical spell, what would it be? (Mages do not need to answer.) (But they can if they want.)

9. List 3 cold weather tips.

10. Have you heard of Paul di Simone yet?

    1. If not, why not?

    2. What sort of cold and joyless rock do you live under precisely?

    3. Are you running to the Herald's Rest yet to hear the singer there do his songs?

    4. If yes, which of his masterpieces is your favorite?

Comments

[rathercommon]

[ Okay, this is hilarious. Fortunately, Kitty is very good at sounding sniffy and a little severe, especially when Scipio is involved. So she does a decent job sounding sniffy and severe when she responds over the crystals: ]

Isn't parchment a limited resource in the Inquisition?

[resought]

To be used sparingly and with relevance, you would think.

[Harsh words in regards to men she has never met. No offense.]

[bunko]

[Capable of cheer, no matter how sniffily he's met, Scipio offers reassurance:]

Truly not. Not when there are rooms full of parchment, gattina.

[bunko]

[None taken!]

It is good, then, that our survey is highly relevant. We ask on behalf of all.

[resought]

Hardly. These questions affect the outcome of the Inquisition how, exactly?

[paperwing]

[






























sigh.]

[amygdalae]

[This response is tucked underneath the initial posting and placed in such a way that a noticeable corner sticks out for people to see.]

1. No animal is ever useless, at least from personal experience.

a. It depends on where I am at the present time, and the circumstances involved. Is the place cold? Hot? What diet can I sustain myself on? Will the environment benefit me or will it hinder me? Would others be able to recognize me if I did transform? There are quite a number of things to take into consideration.
b. As mentioned above, no animal is entirely useless. One man's trash is another man's treasure, as they say. Maybe one day you might find yourself in need of a lizard or some other unexpected creature.

2. Because there are already Wardens around and generally it is considered to be rather rude to take other people's places when they are there first.
3. The last option is perhaps a bit too crass. Maybe something like Icecold. At least it sounds more pleasant.
4. The Commander, The Diplomat and The Spymaster.
5. Everyone seems to be fond of mabari.
6. Restoring peace to Thedas.
7. I've heard that stew tends to be good in cold weather. I'm sure the kitchens have a fair amount of those.
8. To heal people.
9. Layers, socks, gloves.
10. I believe I have heard of him, yes.

d. The one about a rock and a hard place. Or perhaps the one about the cold and lack of socks.

[rathercommon]

But how much longer can the parchment last? It's a long and complicated process, making it, isn't it.

[rathercommon]

And these questions certainly fill up the entirety of its surface, don't they.

Written on the back of what appears to be a grocery list from the Cook

[the_effect_she_has]

What is the most useless animal? Small dogs.

If you had to be transformed into an animal what would you choose? Wolf. So I could eat small dogs.

Why would you not choose the most useless animal so that people would leave you alone? Because why choose something I could eat instead?

Why do people want to go stand in the snow instead of at least going to a nice warm place even if it is full of Wardens? Because people are dying, dumbass, and they have on less winter gear than you.

Choose a better nickname for Skyhold. Elven Fortress Of Chaos.



Choose nicknames for the advisors. So far our favorites include Noodlehair Ruthotford, Josefiiiiiine, and Leliana (Isn't it a pretty name? Why mess with perfection? [We hear she'll stab us in our sleep.]). We are sure that you can all do better than these.

You know, Cullen works just as well. And it should be Lady Josefiiiiiiiine.

Choose a mascot for Skyhold. If you want it to be the same as the answer to #1 we're not going to argue. Buttercup. He thinks he owns the place anyways.

Pick a motto for the Inquisition.



“Doing Some Good (And We Have Proof)” Is good.

I also like - "The Inquisition - Taking Care Of Your Darkspawn Magister Problems Since 9:32 Dragon."

What is the best thing to eat where you are from? Provide samples if possible. (Samples can be directed to SCIPIO AND RAFAEL at A TAVERN.) Blackberry tarts from Redcliffe. Which I can't make. Sorry?

If you could do one and only one magical spell, what would it be? Barrier. But a barrier I could shoot through. Just the looks on their faces when they try to hit me and can't while I put an arrow in them ... priceless.

List 3 cold weather tips. Wear the gloves I gave you.

Thick socks.

Cover your head.

Have you heard of Paul di Simone yet? No.

If not, why not? Because he's from a different country?

What sort of cold and joyless rock do you live under precisely? The Hinterlands. We like to think of it as our own cold and joyless rock though.

Are you running to the Herald's Rest yet to hear the singer there do his songs? All the time.

If yes, which of his masterpieces is your favorite? I'm very fond of the one about the cupcakes. If that's about cupcakes. It's hard to tell as I don't speak Rivain.

Audio, to everyone with a crystal, because Cecil has no boundaries.

[mostlyvoid]

[A deep and earnest voice echoes from the crystals in everyone's hands.]

What a fascinating survey! Now - I think it would be unprofessional of me to answer this myself, but I would be happy to broadcast the results, once they've been collected!

[bunko]

A motto is very important to outcomes, I think.

[bunko]

But there will always be books, yes?

[bunko]

[ :) :) :) :)

unless that was an audible sigh and then come on you'll hurt his feelings]

[rathercommon]

[ Hold the phone. Sending crystal. Whatever. ]

What about books.

[Written]

[gatheringstorm]

1. Nugs.
a. A dragon.
b. Because DRAGON. I would be plenty alone, after using my fire breath.
2. Fuck if I know.
3. Fort Kickass
4. Nah, Varric's work well enough.
5. Cassandra Pentaghast.
6. "Still doing more than the fucking Chantry."
7. Banana bread or that fruit stew.
8. Chain lightning forever.
9. 1) LAYERS. 2) Alcohol actually doesn't help keep you warm. No, really. 3) Don't sleep with your boots on, it cuts off circulation.
10. No, and I don't care.
a. Because I haven't?
b. This place called most of Thedas.
c. No, but I'll be there for the booze.
d. n/a

[resought]

[Well yes but]

And of the other nine, plus their supplements?

[resought]

Considering they read them out afterwards, there are far more efficient ways.

[bunko]

[Later on, Bruce's responses can be found tacked prominently beside the original survey with a few notes.

One note, mainly. An arrow branches off from number one, down to the bottom of the parchment. And there:]




[fleas aren't useful thanks]

sending crystal

[wickedchase]

First one, all right. Let's see here... the most useless animal. Gnats. Definitely gnats. I'd probably turn into something that would fly. But pretty. Might as well look good doing it. And I certainly would not want to be a gnat, since I'm not useless.

Second one: Couldn't tell you why. Unless this is a joke and there's a punchline that I seem to be missing.

Alternative name for Skyhold? I was thinking of something like "Mount Misfits".

Nicknames, I like this. Commander Paint Job in particular. Happy belated birthday by the way, commander.

Samwise Gamgee. You can't look at his face and tell him no. Believe me, I struggle with it.

A motto. How about: "Heralding in honor of the Herald, yet no one here is named Harold."

I decline to talk about the food where I'm from.

A mage, so that's a no on magical spells.

Cold weather tips: Sex probably, stew, and hoard blankets. I know I do.

Who hasn't heard of Paul di Simone? I mean, really.

[bunko]

A mascot might be important too. And the second question--you cannot deny its import! A nickname, they create the camaraderie.

There is reason for them all, you see.

not here

[amygdalae]

[one day you'll regret declaring that, Scipio

one day]

[offortune]

Psst. [ a low voice just partially audible ]

If they think it is rare then it is valuable.

[bunko]

A book can be used in many ways, yes? For parchment, most especially. There are many empty pages, or pages that are most found empty.

[bunko]

[oh



wait

There's an audible intake of breath here, as Scipio turns to look at Rafael.]