02.

[assistente]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Salvio Pizzicagnolo
RECIPIENT: everyone, anyone
WHAT: In response to your complaints, we will address some complaints.
WHEN: right now!
WHERE: Kirkwall
NOTES: new complaints can always be directed to the complaint box

This is-- Hello. Um, I'm-- Salvio Pizzicagnolo, for Base Operations here in Kirkwall, with the Inquisition. And if you are not aware, we process--we respond, that is, respond to--complaints, with the goal to, [in the voice of someone reading off of a piece of paper as he is currently reading off of a piece of paper] efficiently improve the quality of the working environment in order to optimize the Inquisition's efforts.

Which I will do. In a moment. But, first, I must ask--please, please do not use the complaint box to submit false complaints. Please especially do not use the complaint box to submit false complaints in the name of fellow members of the Inquisition. Submission of false complaints in the name of fellow members violates the spirit of the complaint box, and it is nearly slander or--libel, I don't know which would be... I mean, don't. Please.

Anyways. Um, this first complaint was submitted anonymously. And, uh, rendered, that is, read, here, to the best of my--our--understanding. Uh-- "There's too many tall elves and short elves and sort of middle elves", and the recommended response is-- well, non actionable. We cannot reasonably restrict any single class, race, or type from participating in the Inquisition. And the Inquisition is grateful for all who would volunteer in service of our work.

Similarly, this complaint here, ah-- "Can't there be separate accommodation for the rifters? They're so disconcerting, looming and crawling about all over the place. You can barely walk through the Gallows without being accosted by them."

We cannot reasonably--I mean, certainly if you have, genuinely, been accosted, that is something to-- But the Gallows is where the Inquisition is based. It is the opinion of this office that giving quarter to the rifters is part of the mission of the Inquisition. In a way. The Inquisition is perhaps among those best equipped to understand just what-- I mean, we cannot truly understand, any, of-- We work with rifters. Is what I mean. But of course we could petition for additional quarter for all of our members, should our number require it. Only the, uh. Kirkwall's Seneschal is a bit-- I mean, the Gallows will sustain our number for quite some time. Unless we should see a vast influx, all of a sudden, which would be-- I mean, welcome, but.

[Maker's breath.]

Um, and lastly. There is a complaint, from an anonymous source, that. Well, I will read it. "Bad moral, ugly uniforms, cold nights." To this--well, there is no single mandated uniform--I mean, the Inquisition might provide standard clothing to those who need it, but you are welcome to wear your own clothing. Everyone is. If they prefer. The weather is somewhat beyond our control, in Base Operations, but we might-- if you find a need for additional blankets, there is a requisition form available in our office. And, um. For morale--ah. Would there be interest in some sort of--event, to raise morale? We are limited in our funding for such simple pleasures, of course--the work of the Inquisition is of great importance and we cannot-- I mean, we could submit a request. Of course. If there truly is an interest.

Ah, though--related to the recommended response, does anyone know what a "titee win--" [titee windo, as he begins to say it, Salvio starts realizing what he's saying, and stops. Oh.] Um. Never, never mind.

That will be-- that's uh, all. For now. Please remember not to submit false complaints, and uh. If you have any amendable suggestion or solution to the issues that were raised here, please of course inform us.

Thank you.

Comments

[pocketchange]

My guess is the opposite of a titty loss.

[ Eh? Eh? ]

[motherfucking_ghost]

I feel like I gotta come find you just to high five you.

[assistente]

No, there was more to--

[By Andraste. Never mind. Salvio sighs.]

Very funny. Yes. If the point of responding was to be clever.

[goldsteins]

[She doesn't speak on the crystal-- Short of listening to what's been said she doesn't see any need to do so. Not unless it's important, but something about one of those complains ribs her and she finds the need to respond:]

You can assure that person that us rifters would likely enjoy the choices of where to stay ourselves. At least I can speak for myself that being left alone's quite what I enjoy.

[assistente]

Well. I would, but--the complaint was anonymous. Issuing a response here will serve nearly the same, um--

I mean, that is something I can appreciate. The, ah, being left alone. Well done. [Uhh.] Sorry.

[circleprodigy]

[Dryly]

As one of those 'short elves', I will try to grow a few more inches so as not to cause offence.

[assistente]

Oh.

There's no need. I mean-- I don't know that response would be in the spirit of the original complaint.

[gatheringstorm]

No actual slurs included? I'm almost impressed.

[assistente]

Oh. Yes. I would of course not-- I mean, we would strike those from the complaints. If we were to come across any. The point of this is not to cause offense, and-- I think already we run the risk of, uh, alienating certain portions of--though that isn't the point. Merely to report and respond to the complaints that are submitted.

But there, actually, were not any to strike. Slurs. This time.

[foundmyselfagain]

Wait, what about my complaint?

[ It was, after all, the Most Important. ]

[assistente]

Oh. Ah-- well, of course, we will, eventually-- I mean, each complaint is treated with its due importance. And all complaints will be answered and considered in, um, due time. We can only answer so many at a time. Mostly in the order that they were received, so--

But of course, we might-- [He starts shuffling around in his papers.] Um, what was-- sorry. What is your name?

[provenforce]

Several members of the Inquisition live off-campus. If someone has a problem with all the rifters here, they're free to live off-campus as well.

Or they could leave.

[assistente]

Well, yes. I mean, no. We would prefer that-- that everyone work out an amendable way to live together and, ah, keep basic harmony. Focus on the cause that unifies us, and so on.

I mean, of course they might quarter themselves elsewhere. If they prefer. But we would prefer to keep our current headcount. Add to it if at all possible. Consistency of numbers and a reasonable level of growth are both important aspects to the longevity of any institution or organization.

[zombra]

[ Pizza guy! What's shakin'? Is what she doesn't say, but boy, is she tempted. ]

Hold up. There are rifters that are looming and crawling? I must be out of the loop. I didn't know there were extras from a horror movie here. Do they crab walk down the stairs?

[ A pause. ]

That's an open question to the floor. I don't expect you to know the answer, my dude.

[assistente]

[Well that's a relief because he has no idea how to answer that, and in fact was just taking a long confused pause before trying to respond.]

Yes. Uh-- A complaint made with artistic license, I think. Purposefully exaggerated to create a certain amount of, uh, a certain impression. Of mild horror.

[rowancrowned]

The correct term is 'high elves'.

[pocketchange]

[ Very helpful snorting laugh with no additional commentary. ]

[utulien_aure]

[Snorting derisively]

Tall elf, short elf- one wonders why that fool bothered with specifying. He could have proclaimed himself an ass with much less ink.

[assistente]

Middle, [Salvio adds, helpfully, before realizing that is probably an unnecessary addition, and concludes the thought with an,] uh.

[Right.]

I suppose the intent is to-- I mean, of course, the Inquisition as a whole does not share this thought, at all. Value all members or volunteers or--whatever the preferred term might be, and--we are grateful, of course.

[crowncitizen]

Buddy I don't envy you your job.

[Prompto honestly feels sorry for this guy. He's obviously the nervous sort - or at least with this he is. But points for effort!]

Though the "looming and crawling" rifters is kind of making me laugh. Don't think I've seen any of us actually crawling up walls. Preeeeetty sure someone would have said something.

[assistente]

No, it is-- I mean, generally-- The work is rewarding.

[On good days.]

Ah, but-- I think the exaggeration was purposeful. To highlight the distaste that the complaint-maker feels for-- I mean, unless this complaint is in fact 'someone' saying 'something', but--as you imply, that is unlikely.

Personally, I have found rifters to be--I mean, certainly, as a whole they are--at first, when you hear of their existence. It can be slightly, disconcerting. But not, I mean. Of course, this is personal opinion. Not to be included in the record.

[judgemewhole]

[Oh for the love of the Maker ...]

Serah Pizzicagnolo, what a surprise to hear from you directly.

[Since you tend to stutter like a small girl when anyone walks into the room.]

[assistente]

Aaaa.

[--Which is a quiet, under-his-breath scream that Salvio belatedly realizes was heard, probably, by everyone. It's that guy. Norrington. A templar and, thus, one of Salvio's greatest fears.]

Aaai, I, mean. Yes. Greetings. S-Se-- Uh. [Haltingly, like someone is pulling each word out of him, piece by piece.] Sorry.

[How do you explain that the stuttering is largely reserved for templars without offending the templar you are speaking to?]

This is, ah. Important, business, so I had cause to. Speak. Cause to speak. [Uh.] Sorry.

[letoldthingsdie]

Wouldn't it be more beneficial to the harmony of the Inquisition to dispose of people who have such an issue with Rifters involuntarily sharing a space with them?

[He's not suggesting killing them, really. Maybe just... moving them far away.]

I'm sure most of us would be happy to try to keep the - [He falls quiet while he double checks the wording.] - 'looming and crawling about' to a minimum without their negative presence. In my experience it helps quiet the rabble if there's less of it allowed within the ranks.

[assistente]

Well--it would, uh, eliminate the complaint. Disposal would, that is. Kicking them out. And we are rather limited in our current pool of--

Besides, it is not an equitable solution for a long-term-- I mean, without knowing how widely-shared the concern is, I cannot speak to much of that point. Reports do indicate that the presence of Rifters outside of the Inquisition is often, uh-- well, there are concerns. Certainly.

So if we were to eliminate those of the Inquisition who would share those same concerns, that's not-- I mean, there will always be differing viewpoints. Harmony by elimination is not-- well, equitable. As I say.

[coiledscales]

If they don't like having "rifters" around, they could always go somewhere else. I haven't been intentionally looming over anyone - and it's not like I can help it, in any case.

This form is rather... large.

[ SNORT. ]

[assistente]

[Uh.]

Yes. Er. Your pardon, but, for context, and not at all to cause any offense, or-- How--large, is 'rather large'?

[gotyourselfapilot]

You have a rough job, uh [ A small pause. ] Salvio.

I hope that the purpose of this complaint box can bring all of us together in the end. If people do in fact hate the Rifters, which I happen to be one, that's their choice. If there's no name, it could be from anyone and that only creates doubt. I do want to be able to help and work together as a team if that's the main goal of the Inquisition and Rifters.

As far as building morale that comes with time and trust. It's your best guess if an event could raise it or not.

[assistente]

Oh, no, I don't mean to imply-- I mean, as work goes, it is. Enjoyable.

[Mostly.]

I think it is the purpose of the complaint box to-- at least air such concerns publicly so that we might, uh, respond. In at least some way. And acknowledge the variety of opinions and, and origins. Each member of the Inquisition is like a single thread in a tapestry and true strength of a thread lies in the, the weave of them together. Uh, that's not exactly to your point, but. Important.

As to an event for morale, I don't-- Personally, at least, I have never found those to be. Encouraging. Opinions may of course differ.

[sorcerised]

[ Well, this is all just so very welcoming, isn't it? He's so glad they're here to serve at the Inquisition's pleasure. ]

Tell the people who don't want rifters around that we'd all very happily return to our lives if they'd be kind enough to show us the way.

Also, the elf thing? So offensive that I don't know where to start. Tall short and middle, compared to what exactly?

[assistente]

To-- well, perhaps compared to the one who made the complaint?

[There's some shuffling of papers as he picks out the original and turns it over, looking for any additional details.]

They were unspecific. Um, and-- I mean, as I have said. The Inquisition as a whole does not share the expressed thought. The Inquisition values anyone who contributes to our effort, and-- is grateful.

[justice_is_blond]

Wait, these weren't the false ones?

[assistente]

[Glumly:]

No. They were not.

[strangel]

I have complaint.

[assistente]

Yes? Er. Good, I mean. Yes.

The complaint box is outside of the Base Operations office. In the Gallows. Do you require directions?