therookery

FORM: sending crystal
SENDER: Salvio Pizzicagnolo
RECIPIENT: anyone & everyone
WHAT: THE COMPLAINT BOX. also there's an important job vacancy in Base Operations. please help please help please help.
WHEN: right now
WHERE: Kirkwall
NOTES: announcing the Inquisition's complaint box! and as per the first complaint: leadership applications are a must

This is-- Hello. Um, I'm-- Salvio Pizzicagnolo. You probably don't know me. I'm associated with base operations here in Kirkwall, with the Inquisition. The assistant to the seneschal. Seneschal Casoferrazza. If you knew him. I mean, I was his assistant, but. He's gone now, back to Antiva, and-- I wish him well, of course.

Um, before he was-- before he left, Seneschal Casoferrazza had the thought to institute a complaint box. He was very interested in getting an idea of what the people thought. 'The people' in the inclusive and the general sense, the people of the Inquisition, and the people outside of the Inquisition. He thought very highly of public opinion. This has all finally been approved, officially, and the complaint box is available for complaints outside the base operations office, in the Gallows. It's bolted right to the wall, there's a small slot for, for the parchment to go in, and it's locked with a key, and I'm the one with the key.

And the seneschal wanted the complaints to be read out so that they can be discussed by the Inquisition. Like a public forum. He thought those were very useful.

So--I have the first complaint. Um, it's here, somewhere... [The background noise of paper rustling increases in volume as Salvio shuffles some things around.] Right. Ah-- "Base Operations needs a leader." And it's-- anonymous. No author. Wow.

But I agree. I think people don't realize that there is so much that needs to be done and, and the former seneschal was-- trying his best. But there is so much to be done. The Inquisition is a massive operation with many moving parts--the seneschal, he used to compare the Inquisition to a large, squid, there was one that was rumored to live deep, deep in Rialto Bay and he would say that-- Look, that's not important.

Um, what I mean is, this complaint is right. Completely. We, the Inquisition, need help, volunteers and leaders, because we especially need help in leadership. We need someone to step in for base operations. With the seneschal gone there is no one to guide operations and the longer we are without leadership, the worse things get. There's paperwork that has not been filed since-- Soul's Day. The Soul's Day before last Soul's Day, I think. The date is smudged. Please, please, if you have the time. Please consider taking on this position. It's-- a lot of responsibility, but it's very rewarding, and I promise, I will handle most of the paperwork, but I can't do that and do everything else or give orders or anything like that, I can barely-- Look, it's-- [uhhh what would be a selling point] --fun.

Kind of.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yes? Um, good. The box is outside of the Base Operations office. In the Gallows.

But whyyy would I walk alllll the way over there when I already have your attention?

[Uh.]

Be... because submitting the complaint through the complaint box is the official method? [Actually pitched as a question, seeking some agreement.] Uh, but if you're-- I mean, I suppose I could. Answer.

[There is no agreement. You are stuck here. This is your home now.]

Most of the people here are terrible. They're rude and they smell and have ghastly facial hair. The fashion in this place is appalling. And you don't have any good tea, or wine, or books, or really anything that any civilized person might want.

I don't--

[No, wait, why is this not written down, he never should have offered, and Salvio fumbles for a scrap of parchment and a quill so he can start making notes.]

Um. I see. Thank you for, I mean, I don't have any of those things, personally, but the Inquisition might--if there were resources and, and funds to spare, that is, they might be able to improve on, well, some--

Er, where are you from?

[This is ideal.]

Minrathous. [He's starting to get comfortable.] But you'll talk to them, won't you? That is, after all, your job.

Ahhhh--

[It's a time-filler, that ahhhh. It's also a kind of quiet scream. What is happening.]

That's, I mean, in a way, yes, it is. My job. But in another way, it isn't, so-- More what the Inquisition is able to change and improve upon is, matters, that are related to the Inquisition's efforts.

[The rest of your life, friend.] Well the Inquisition's efforts include keeping me from leaping out a high window, which means this is directly relevant to the cause.
How hard is it to get Antivan brandy? The good kind.

Oh. Well, yes. Yes. I mean, that's-- By association, yes, that is the interest of the Inquisition. Or the prevention of.

Ah-- brandy, might be obtained. There is a requisition form that I can provide to you.

But I'm talking to you right now.

Well--yes. But I will still need the, uh, form.

[????]

It is very short. The form.

That's a waste of time and you know it.

No, it isn't?

[There's a questioning lilt to the end of that question. Is it? No. It isn't.]

The requisition form is submitted with the other requisition forms and then resources are secured based on the receipt of each form. It's, um. I mean, it's small, and the form is short, but you see, there are many, many people requesting items, and the forms-- the forms help to keep track of all of the items. That are being requested.

They are really very useful. The forms.

ugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[wh--]

Sorry?

[Not an actual apology. More like a, what was that?]

You're being impossible.

Sorry.

[That one is an apology, which Salvio offers automatically. Then he realizes what he's done.]

I mean, it's-- the forms are important, to keep accurate records. Inventory purposes, accurate accounts, a good clear report of the various demands, er, supplies, I mean, the supplies that are requested--helps to predict the volume of requests for future years and, and--

I mean, it is a very short form. Um. You might--dictate it, perhaps? And then provide your signature or mark. If you prefer the mark.

Ugh. Fine. [A long-suffering sigh.] Are you ready?

Sorry. That's just-- well, thank you. Uh--

[Um. A great deal of background noise momentarily takes over, as Salvio begins sifting through papers, trying to find something to write on, and something to write with. And not just anything to write on. He needs the requisition forms, which are across the room, so he has to go and fetch one--]

Yes. Sorry. Yes, just one-- [The form in hand, he grabs for his quill and licks the nib before he dips it into ink.] --one moment, to-- Yes. I am ready.

[Benedict proceeds to enumerate his various gripes on the Inquisition's facilities, from uncomfy beds to low-quality wine to too many chicken sounds. It is happening this way because I don't want you to have to actually RP reading out a form]

[I don't want to RP reading out a form so good but Salvio makes diligent and hurried notes, muttering to himself at times. The chicken sounds slow him down a little, as confusion sets in, and confusion over how to spell the sound that a chicken would make... but he does his best.

It takes some time. The notes, not the chicken sounds.]

Uh. Very-- good. [Sort of.] I think this will be sufficient. All I will need will be, um, your signature. As I said. I can request a runner to bring this to you for that purpose if you would like. Or, if you know where the Base Operations office is, of course you can--you know. Sign.

[There are CHICKENS in the COURTYARD and they are LOUD, goodness, is everyone here incompetent??]

Send a runner. [Almost purred, Bene is so pleased to have the upper hand.] I'll get to it if I have time. [he never doesn't have time]

[That does not sound at all promising and the vagueness of the return of the document causes Salvio a brief panic, but it's not like he has a choice, so--]

Very well. Um. The runner will be--along shortly. With the form.

[Far more assured, because he's reading it off of the form:] Thank you for your assistance in improving the Inquisition.

Mmn. [He's lost interest. You've wasted your time. You will never get it back.]

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