01.

[assistente]

FORM: sending crystal
SENDER: Salvio Pizzicagnolo
RECIPIENT: anyone & everyone
WHAT: THE COMPLAINT BOX. also there's an important job vacancy in Base Operations. please help please help please help.
WHEN: right now
WHERE: Kirkwall
NOTES: announcing the Inquisition's complaint box! and as per the first complaint: leadership applications are a must

This is-- Hello. Um, I'm-- Salvio Pizzicagnolo. You probably don't know me. I'm associated with base operations here in Kirkwall, with the Inquisition. The assistant to the seneschal. Seneschal Casoferrazza. If you knew him. I mean, I was his assistant, but. He's gone now, back to Antiva, and-- I wish him well, of course.

Um, before he was-- before he left, Seneschal Casoferrazza had the thought to institute a complaint box. He was very interested in getting an idea of what the people thought. 'The people' in the inclusive and the general sense, the people of the Inquisition, and the people outside of the Inquisition. He thought very highly of public opinion. This has all finally been approved, officially, and the complaint box is available for complaints outside the base operations office, in the Gallows. It's bolted right to the wall, there's a small slot for, for the parchment to go in, and it's locked with a key, and I'm the one with the key.

And the seneschal wanted the complaints to be read out so that they can be discussed by the Inquisition. Like a public forum. He thought those were very useful.

So--I have the first complaint. Um, it's here, somewhere... [The background noise of paper rustling increases in volume as Salvio shuffles some things around.] Right. Ah-- "Base Operations needs a leader." And it's-- anonymous. No author. Wow.

But I agree. I think people don't realize that there is so much that needs to be done and, and the former seneschal was-- trying his best. But there is so much to be done. The Inquisition is a massive operation with many moving parts--the seneschal, he used to compare the Inquisition to a large, squid, there was one that was rumored to live deep, deep in Rialto Bay and he would say that-- Look, that's not important.

Um, what I mean is, this complaint is right. Completely. We, the Inquisition, need help, volunteers and leaders, because we especially need help in leadership. We need someone to step in for base operations. With the seneschal gone there is no one to guide operations and the longer we are without leadership, the worse things get. There's paperwork that has not been filed since-- Soul's Day. The Soul's Day before last Soul's Day, I think. The date is smudged. Please, please, if you have the time. Please consider taking on this position. It's-- a lot of responsibility, but it's very rewarding, and I promise, I will handle most of the paperwork, but I can't do that and do everything else or give orders or anything like that, I can barely-- Look, it's-- [uhhh what would be a selling point] --fun.

Kind of.

Comments

[periastron]

( Ignoring most of this, )

I have a complaint.

[assistente]

Oh.

[Is it about bees, Salvio does not say, because he wants this conversation to be short.]

Good. Um-- do you know where the base operations office is? In the Gallows.

[periastron]

Nope,

( she breezes on, because she's obnoxious, )

it's about the food. I read on the brochure there was a full continental breakfast, but I was down there this morning and let me tell you, there was nary a croissant to be found.

[assistente]

[There's a pause, broken by the sound of shifting paperwork as Salvio digs around on his desk. Continental breakfast, continental breakfast... what makes it continental? Continental: belonging to a continent. Breakfast: the first meal, breaking the fast.

Brochure?]

The brochure?

[periastron]

Yeah, the brochure.

( she's a bad person. ) Visit the Gallows, Kirkwall's finest holiday destination, that brochure?

[champions]

Why don't you take on the position?

[assistente]

[wha]

Oh, no. No, I, couldn't. No.

[champions]

But why? Isn't it your duty to the Inquisition?

[assistente]

Well--yes, of course, it is, but-- it is not a role I am suited for. Trust me.

Please.

[champions]

A shame. I would volunteer, of course, but I'm afraid my responsibilities to the Northern Powers project are far too pressing.

[somethingwild]

[As someone who once worked in the lowest of the rungs of the Ministry, performing the most menial of tasks and picking up after the slacking of others, Newt can't help but sympathize with the poor, overworked man he hears over the crystal.]

I don't suppose the Inquisition grants people vacations? You sound like you could use one.

Also, tell me more about this giant squid that supposedly lives in Rialto Bay.

[assistente]

Ha. Noooo. If there were just a head for the project, then-- I mean, perhaps, as it's certainly a good suggestion, but-- you know how it is. You go on a holiday and then you come back and you have even more paperwork to do than you did before you went, so you need a holiday after your holiday.

That's what I've heard, at least.

Um, the... squid. Skin tough as dragonhide, scarred from harpoons and boathooks and things--lives at the bottom of the Bay mostly, but it's said that it will resurface to devour boats--er, ships, I mean--completely whole. With the crew and cargo and all. And, sometimes, has been spotted floating like a large island? But an island of flesh, which is--really horrific, if you think of it. I don't really like to think of it.

[somethingwild]

I do indeed. It seems like that's always the way. Mountains of paperwork and mounds of all the things you forgot to do before you left.

[Newt considers a moment before offering.]

I am hardly qualified in the least for the leader position but if you yourself need an assistant or volunteer, I'd be happy to help.

An island of flesh, really? And no one's survived an encounter with this giant squid, then?

[It's clear from Newt's tone that he is very eager to discuss this particular matter further.]

[altusimperius]

I've got a complaint.

[assistente]

Yes? Um, good. The box is outside of the Base Operations office. In the Gallows.

[altusimperius]

But whyyy would I walk alllll the way over there when I already have your attention?

[assistente]

[Uh.]

Be... because submitting the complaint through the complaint box is the official method? [Actually pitched as a question, seeking some agreement.] Uh, but if you're-- I mean, I suppose I could. Answer.

[lightninginabottle]

[Asking the important questions here:]

What's the pay like? I mean, how much of a raise does the Base Operator get above the usual "Inquisition salary?"

[The air quotes are audible.]

[assistente]

It's, um. I mean, there's a stipend. A modest sum.

But there's not, that's-- The coin is less the point. It's a service that is very rewarding in many other ways.

The title isn't 'base operator', either. It's, a finer title. With a weight to it. That would be part of the reward.

[apologist]

Perhaps the role should also come with a hat. One with feathers. That's very appealing.

[assistente]

[A long pause.]

Would that work?

[provenforce]

Do we really need a seneschal? It seems like he wasn't doing much work while he was here so him being gone shouldn't change anything.

[assistente]

Nnnno, no, you don't-- I mean, yes. We really need a seneschal. Departments and projects all require someone of authority. Someone to, to sign off on documents and assign tasks and represent the work of the project to the Inquisition.

The longer we are without a seneschal, the worse everything will become.

(Crystal)

[castintoflames]

You are not terribly convincing. (Boy does he know all about taking up positions he doesn't want/may not be prepared for in the least.) It is better if you are honest about the hardships the job presents.

[assistente]

I have never needed to be convincing before.

[More glumly resigned than argumentative.]

And I was-- well, I was trying to be honest. I think that it can be fun. Or satisfying, anyway, but not-- everyone agrees with me, as to what 'fun' is, but. I think it can be. In its way. I don't know what else to say of it.