therookery | (no subject)

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FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Herian Amsel
RECIPIENT: everyone with a crystal
WHAT: Deep Thoughts & Dogges
WHEN: during Nevarra stuff, prior to the dragon hunt & Necropolis Thriller Reenactment.
WHERE: Nevaaaarra
NOTES: content warning for themes of loss & death. Also just a heads up that Herian is (still) a big jerk about the Dalish and rebels/eager apostates

Inquisition,

( she starts, and then there is a moment of pause. Her accent is stronger than it was before her trip to Starkhaven, renewed by proximity even if it has already softened from what it had been there. She speaks with that same, inevitable control, but she does not sound quite the same type of calm as usual. )

How do you best honour the dead? Recently or long departed. I would be glad to know.

( Just a casual question, nbd.

She sure doesn't sound like "glad" should be a description of her ever, but maybe given the content she can be forgiven. There's a small bark, and though it cannot be seen, rest assured that Herian is frowning at the source. There is a measured pause, before Herian adds, )

And if any could advise me what to do with a small canine that sees fit to prance about wherever I go, I'd be grateful.

( Quietly exasperated, to the dog as she moves to end the post, ) You're too short for the stairs. Accept it.

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Well, first off, you love the dog forever and name it Greg. Greg has chosen you, lady, how could you turn him away?

❰ adalia's voice is bright with humour and delight — small doggo — but it sobers after a moment. ❱

More seriously... I don't know that there is a way to honour the dead. They're dead. Anything you do for them is really more for you, don't you think? So whatever you do, make it personally meaningful, and in line with what you think they would have wanted in life.

Greg.

( oi wot m8 it's a corgi

Except that Herian is Herian, and so that sounds both like a serious assessment and mildly judgmental at the same time. It's a careful balance. ) I don't like dogs. It is nothing in particular against... ( a sigh, ) "Greg."

( Also, skillful pressing of many guilt buttons, new acquaintance. )

Do you think it merely a selfish indulgence, then?

Greg.

❰ adalia is very good at naming things!!! ❱

Well, you better start liking them, because Greg likes you, and unless you're an absolute monster, you can't just leave a small dog by his lonesome.

❰ she... didn't mean to? ❱

No, not selfish. People need to grieve, and to process their grief, in order to move on from loss, right? So it is for you, but it isn't selfish at all. An indulgence would be... some flashy wake, or something that's not about you and your relationship with the deceased. If it's personally meaningful, and the deceased would at least not disapprove, then I think you're fine.

Edited (sorry!) 2017-12-06 01:43 (UTC)

( A long pause, during which she wonders if it would be excessive to recount some of the less pleasant experiences she has witnessed as a child in the alienage; violent men with dangerous animals at their command, and the like.

Instead she just decides to ignore the topic of Gregory, who she imagines Cosima might have opinions about. Maybe Cosima can have him, or Saoirse. )

It all seems rather dependent on knowing what the dead would wish of you, or of certainty as to what that relationship meant. There is no improving on a decision, once made and acted out, and no redeeming the incorrect choice, when it is inflicted on someone who cannot inform you of some injury your choice inflicts upon them.

( just casual happy thoughts )

❰ gently, ❱

Whoever it is is dead, lady. They'll have no opinion or hurt over whatever you choose. They can't, not really. Extrapolate on the relationship and the opinions you did know, act in good faith, and do something that honours their memory and your grief. That's all you can really do, in my opinion.

Knight Enchanter Amsel.

( Not exactly gentle, but not so harsh as she might normally be. )

Aye, all I can really do. Sadly lacking, I think, to realise that is what your relationship with a parent has come to.

❰ when adalia realizes they've been talking about a parent, she goes very quiet. for long seconds, she says nothing, trying to imagine knowing a parent just enough to wonder how to honour their death — trying to imagine knowing a parent at all. ❱

Having even that is better than having nothing, Knight Enchanter.

❰ if adalia's voice is audibly full of longing, well... hopefully the knight enchanter won't mention it. ❱

Perhaps so. I cannot claim to know so precise an injury and all its complexities.

( For the first time, though, there is a specific rage burning under her skin, though. The rage that both her parents had been robbed of her, time stolen and denied. That she did not know her mother had died, that the Circle had meant so much to her, did not negate that in this the Circles had robbed her.

The anger is an ugly, welling thing, and she knows not how to respond to it, nor how to fully carve it out. )

Each seem a painful loss. What is your name?

❰ if adalia were even worse a person, she might press her point. knowing anything at all about one's parents seems such a gift she would kill for it, would die for it, would do anything not to be so utterly and completely alone and set apart, never sure of her place or if she has a place at all —

but the knight enchanter is in the midst of grieving what adalia so desperately wants, and she's not so stupid she could see this as a good time to wail about the hardships of not knowing one's parents. ❱

Adalia, Knight Enchanter. I'd say I'm sorry for your loss, but I don't think you'd like to hear it.

Well met, Adalia. I apologise for the circumstances.

( As for the other point—

thats more complicated. )

It is not my business to deny others their compassionate impulses. The words are kindly meant.

Their meaning doesn't matter if the recipient isn't interested in hearing them.

❰ then she's just saying it for herself, and that's that kind of selfish indulgence she was warning against, earlier. ❱

Your care for your parent's memory does you credit, you know. That you ask this question at all matters.

No. That is true enough.

( Herian, for example, always has flawless explanations on how to be correct and do things properly, but sometimes people don't want to listen. Totally the same thing. )

I appreciate the sentiment, but... Thought and good intent can only go so far. They mean little, if actions undermine them.

In this instance, I don't think actions can undermine intentions. The only person who will truly be affected is you. You can only undermine your intentions if you act counter to them.

❰ see previous part of the conversation about adalia's views on the dead and their interest in what is done on this plane once their soul departs it. ❱

Act with integrity, in the manner in which you can best approximate would be your parent's wishes. Trust your gut in that regard; your instincts will serve you better than overthinking. And then just keep doing that, for as long as you feel you need to, ad nauseum, until it doesn't hurt to imagine not doing it. This is for you, not the deceased, nor anyone else.

There is my family to consider, as well.

( But that concern is likely to be... complicated and tangled up with the details and complexities of different actions. That would require explaining what it is to be elfblooded in an alienage, an oddity within the family, and a reminder of hurts inflicted on prior generations. It would require explaining why she was no longer able to see her mother, how her father died, and a great many things. It would require explaining her cousin's disgusted frustration over elfbloods, as though he had forgotten one of them was in the same room with him as he lamented their inaction in the same breath as not wanting them to be involved, because they could hide, and this wasn't their fight.

It would require a great deal that might not be relevant, but that Herian archives within herself and pages through daily, hourly, whenever memories are stirred. )

I think you are correct, nonetheless. Thank you, for your thoughts.

If you are acting in accordance with your parent's wishes to the best of your knowledge, and your conscience speaks loud enough that you pay attention to it, your family's disapproval would say more about them than you, I think.

❰ not that adalia really knows — having no family means she can never really speak to things such as this. all she knows is what feels right, and she lives her life following her gut more often than not. ❱

You're welcome. I hope I helped, Knight Enchanter.

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