sending crystal;

[inagutterson]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Yngvi
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Dwarf stuff
WHEN: Nowish
WHERE: Kirkwall; lurking about some dark corner
NOTES: possible tw for questionable child-rearing and discussions of violence

Right, gotta ask since it's been nigglin' me like a loose tooth for a bit now Inquisition, what d'you all know about dwarves? Rifters you don't get a free pass unless you fell out the skies yesterday, s'not like we're a rare sight but, y'know, 'specially since we've been here a while now and-- [there's a little edge to his voice, he coughs to clear that, can't sound like he gives a shit, just the damp and the smoke lingering yeah?] you've been with lots of dwarves. Lot of my family even!

Might get invited to Sunday dinner if you play your cards right but word to the wise, maybe don't? Politely decline. But not too polite yeah? [Don't know what you'll be served on a Darktown dinner table do you now?]

Comments

[inagutterson]

[And there it is. That crushing moment when he knows that she's Asher's friend for certain and not really his. That for all the years they've known each other that she's never actually known him as the lessons from his childhood come back to him: you're useful as long as you're useful, keep your mouth shut about all the sentiment and lock it in a box because they aren't going to care when you stop being useful to them.

Swallowing is hard when it burns. When his eyes are stinging and he wants to scream with the unfairness of it all. (When he wants to cry like he hasn't, really, because you learn that crying doesn't accomplish anything, no one comes, you cry and cry and cry and not a single person will come so eventually you stop and it dries up inside you, turns into something else or just gets stuck somewhere hot and terrible, oddly bright and sharp.)]

Because no one else in the world has it worse than a mage, how fucking forgetful of me. [Not like he hasn't been in trouble with them for smuggling lyrium and letters for mages where they would've taken it out on his hide. Not like he hasn't had the guard after him. Not like he hasn't had the Carta who would buy and sell him but no. This is what it is with mages and he's done, he's going to listen to the message he just got from his lady and stop lacerating himself for everyone's listening pleasure but not without a final retort.] She gives a shit about me, same as my lady does, s'a fuckin' sight more than near anyone else in my life past or present.

[gatheringstorm]

Andraste's tits, that is not what I meant and you know it.

[The own edge to her voice returns. She won't apologize for viewing the world from a perspective she's never allowed to forget. Just like she wouldn't expect Yngvi to apologize for his own point of view. But if all he's going to do is snap at her again and again, it's enough to make her wonder why she bothers. He's not Asher and she knows that, but nonetheless there's been that hope that the ghost of their dead friend would be enough to keep them on good terms. Maybe that was a stupid idea. Whatever the truth, her patience is gone.]

Don't go throwing that in my face when you haven't so much as talked to me about what's truly bothering you, Yngvi. You know where I am, you know how to reach me. You don't horde that to yourself and then get to say that I don't care, when you haven't given me a chance. You're hurting, fine, that's abundantly clear. But you know what? You're not the only one. It's all I can do lately to keep afloat, why by the way is not because I'm a fucking mage. I've had my own hurt to deal with, and I've been busy trying not to lash out at everyone like you've just been doing. I refuse to sit here and take waves and waves of bile like a doormat.

When you want to actually talk and not just be a shit at me like I made your life what it is just to piss you off, let me know.

[And she turns off her crystal because she can't stand to hear anymore, not now.]