crystal.

[byblow]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Alistair
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Underpants
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: I spent all my AC points on a shopping crate of underpants and bras so anyone can have 2-3 pieces of modern women's underwear of their choosing xoxoxo you're welcome. You don't have to tag me to handwave that your character snuck in and got some, either!

[ Usually when Alistair bothers everyone on these things, he sounds like he's leaned back in a chair somewhere and making it up as he goes along. This time it sounds like he practiced. ]

I have a box of... things, for women. [ Practice doesn't always make perfect. ] I had to wrestle a merchant who wanted to take them to Val Royeaux, but I won. So they're free! To whoever they fit.

A lot of them sort of. Stretch. [ There are some thoughtful pauses. Anyone who knows him might be able to guess it's because he's playing with whatever it is that stretches. ] But then they go back—

Anyway, you can have them. All of you. And if any women want to take the whole box and share it somewhere people don't feel watched while they look, I'm happy to drag it to you.

That's all.

[ Another pause. And a quiet thwack, the sound of cloth hitting a wall, specifically because he's slingshot a pair of underwear across the room. ]

Ah, thank you.

Comments

[justice_is_blond]

Things that stretch. For women. You're being so helpful and enlightening.

[byblow]

You know. Things.

[arcaneadvisor]

Alistair.

[Do you feel the face she is making?]

[byblow]

Hello, Morrigan.

[ Yes he can. Help. ]

I don't suppose you'd like some... things.

[foxsays]

But are they supportive?

[Please, elaborate. Or guesstimate for the world.]

[byblow]

Well, I haven't tried to talk to them about my feelings or anything yet.

[arlathvhen]

Nature is truly incredible.

[ She's mostly just here to watch him make a fool out of himself, as per usual. ]

[byblow]

I'm not sure how much nature has to do with... this.

[ He's dig out the kitty keyhole bra because if Anders' question. Not that she can see. ]

[elegiaque]

I want to see.

( fuck the lot of you what's going on here. )

[byblow]

[ A steeling breath. ]

I have them in the supply tent in our camp now, if you'd like to come look.

[doneisdone]

Alistair why.

[byblow]

I'm trying to be of service.

[blessedmaiden]

You wrestled a merchant for them and now you're giving them away... what is the problem, sweetie, they don't fit?

[byblow]

[ Oh, look, a joke about his masculinity. He's never encountered one of those anywhere from anyone. ]

Most of them are too small, yes. And the ones that did fit—red isn't really my color.

[youwonscience]

Everyone's got great jokes and everything, and you don't know me, but if you're being serious I totally want to take a look.

[The native underthings she's encountered so far leave something to be desired and you can only wash a bra by hand so many times a month.]

[byblow]

I would never lie about something like this. Do you know where the Grey wardens are camped?

[circleprodigy]

...what.

[byblow]

Things! Come look. I have them in the storage tent.

[gatheringstorm]

Got anything qunari-sized?

[byblow]

I wouldn't presume to guess anyone's size [ because he likes being alive ] but if you'd like to come have a look, I think you might find something.

[aventuriere]

[ Freddie is squinting, which of course cannot be seen but can just about be heard. ]

Is this an obscure Fereldan custom or perhaps a secret Grey Warden ritual?

[byblow]

Both.

Maybe.

Which part?

[chainlightning]

What sort of things for women?

[ so genuinely confused

maker help you alistair ]

[byblow]

Clooooooooooothing?

[ maker help them both. ]

[meds4sale]

Do merchants now have reason to fear losing their goods?

Or just those in the business of selling undergarments?

[byblow]

Just those in the business of selling undergarments that fall through the Veil.