crystal.

[byblow]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Alistair
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Underpants
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: I spent all my AC points on a shopping crate of underpants and bras so anyone can have 2-3 pieces of modern women's underwear of their choosing xoxoxo you're welcome. You don't have to tag me to handwave that your character snuck in and got some, either!

[ Usually when Alistair bothers everyone on these things, he sounds like he's leaned back in a chair somewhere and making it up as he goes along. This time it sounds like he practiced. ]

I have a box of... things, for women. [ Practice doesn't always make perfect. ] I had to wrestle a merchant who wanted to take them to Val Royeaux, but I won. So they're free! To whoever they fit.

A lot of them sort of. Stretch. [ There are some thoughtful pauses. Anyone who knows him might be able to guess it's because he's playing with whatever it is that stretches. ] But then they go back—

Anyway, you can have them. All of you. And if any women want to take the whole box and share it somewhere people don't feel watched while they look, I'm happy to drag it to you.

That's all.

[ Another pause. And a quiet thwack, the sound of cloth hitting a wall, specifically because he's slingshot a pair of underwear across the room. ]

Ah, thank you.

Comments

[justice_is_blond]

Things that stretch. For women. You're being so helpful and enlightening.

[arcaneadvisor]

Alistair.

[Do you feel the face she is making?]

[foxsays]

But are they supportive?

[Please, elaborate. Or guesstimate for the world.]

[arlathvhen]

Nature is truly incredible.

[ She's mostly just here to watch him make a fool out of himself, as per usual. ]

[elegiaque]

I want to see.

( fuck the lot of you what's going on here. )

[doneisdone]

Alistair why.

[blessedmaiden]

You wrestled a merchant for them and now you're giving them away... what is the problem, sweetie, they don't fit?

[youwonscience]

Everyone's got great jokes and everything, and you don't know me, but if you're being serious I totally want to take a look.

[The native underthings she's encountered so far leave something to be desired and you can only wash a bra by hand so many times a month.]

[circleprodigy]

...what.

[gatheringstorm]

Got anything qunari-sized?

[aventuriere]

[ Freddie is squinting, which of course cannot be seen but can just about be heard. ]

Is this an obscure Fereldan custom or perhaps a secret Grey Warden ritual?

[chainlightning]

What sort of things for women?

[ so genuinely confused

maker help you alistair ]

[meds4sale]

Do merchants now have reason to fear losing their goods?

Or just those in the business of selling undergarments?