A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[elegiaque]

I think you are a bit too unkind to poor Martin. He tries very hard.

[apologist]

Because he has so very much to make up for.

[degenere]

Over you? Never.

Now, then. Your lesson. In Antiva, it is a holiday celebrated wildly. Masks are involved, so you'd love it. Festivities last at least a week, if not more. There are parades, shows, performances--painted bodies--women wearing gowns made entirely of flowers, for the plucking--large quantities of libations. They flood the very streets with wine. And if you are very good at celebrating, you are quite unconscious for the week that follows, which means you get out of the nasty bit of fasting that they ask of you.

In your parlor in Orlais, there is nothing that compares.

[aventuriere]

Yes, and tell us more of Varric's facility with tongues.

[heda]

What do you wish to know?

[elegiaque]

( the short laugh at his first remark is cruelly knowing. sorry, val. )

In my parlor, no. But you don't mean to suggest to me that my parlor is the height of Orlais.

[elegiaque]

Mainly Unger.

[el_tybs]

A speech-? [Oh no.] About what?

[degenere]

[so many pity parties with you Anders; so tacky and boring, ugh]

You know, if you make special reference to the cows, it makes me think that you do miss them.

[degenere]

Ah, you must forgive me. Of course you would have been to other parlors by now. Obviously. You are here in Skyhold. I was thinking you are still confined to your own--you see, I can hardly think of you as anything but very, very young.

[degenere]

You tell me. You're the one who wants it.

[justice_is_blond]

[It's called a reality check, Val, though those might not happen in Orlais.]

They were warm. But I've found a preferable, non-smelly way to stay warm, so I don't miss them too terribly.

[elegiaque]

de Fonce, I feel as if you aren't even making an effort.

( with a sigh. )

[degenere]

Do we want to know that?

[el_tybs]

[How is it that Valentine keeps thinking he wants stuff he doesn't actually ask for?]

... Fine.

The seductive nature of puff pastries.

[apologist]

One should hope. Unless the Wardens plan on withdrawing from us as well.

[apologist]

I would like to learn more of the faith that you practice, as it was once hers, and--everything. Would you be willing to speak in person?

[judgemewhole]

We do when it is part of our training.

[justice_is_blond]

The group here will not, at least. And we're gaining in numbers.

[apologist]

Perhaps someone should guard Skyhold's throne room. Just in case.

[justice_is_blond]

Please.

[There's a beat.]

What's the worth of taking that when there's not a pretty crown to go along with it? What do you think we are? Uncivilized?

[failedfirst]

Yes- fine. Go with that.

[degenere]

I've heard that same joke with an Orlesian in the place of a man of Anders. I image many could say the same, of their own countrymen.

Except the Fereldens. The joke would not work so well if it was a Ferelden speaking to three Fereldens.

[apologist]

[ He hesitates. ]

You are asking me this?

[degenere]

I'm afraid not making an effort is a habit of mine, when you are concerned.