A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[degenere]

Promised, but given no date or made any motions of intention? That will not do at all, I am afraid.

[degenere]

[definitely a madman, probably.]

Really. And what states were these? The state of insanity?

[circleprodigy]

Well, you can speak with her on the matter. She might welcome more suggestions, as it is.

[inagutterson]

Well obviously not Orlais, I mean just listen to all the words coming out of your faceholes. [Too many words, Orlesian words, only good if you're going to be swindling other Orlesians honestly.] But I got punched there. The little cakes are good but I got punched.

Kirkwall was fine until they let the Fereldans in but they got dogshit everywhere because they roll in it like animals. We used to watch them do it. No manners. So...how d'you count Avvar holds? Because they're all different but they're not nations really, but they're brilliant.

[serannas]

[ She never should have doubted a fancy Orlesian has his own horse. ]

I'm sure he appreciates you sleeping close by.

[aventuriere]

And I could say that the sea is bright orange and tastes like fruit juice, but that will not make it so.

[aventuriere]

And how are the little cakes in Avvar holds, pray tell?

[aventuriere]

How fascinating. What does it stand for?

[aventuriere]

[ Fascinating. Like half of those words make no sense. ]

Do go on, sir! Your account of this land is most intriguing. May I ask what is wrong with this florida?

[aventuriere]

Fascinating. I shall have to seek him out immediately. What is he like?

[circleprodigy]

Polite, educated, fond of wine. I haven't had the chance to learn much else, yet.

[aventuriere]

Well, there is no accounting for taste, though it's not as if Kirkwall is much nicer a place than Ferelden.

[heda]

[ She cannot say the same, and conspicuously does not. ]

What do you want?

[degenere]

A more important question: why were you watching anyone roll around in dogshit? That cannot be what passes for entertainment.

[degenere]

To be sure. I have a great many suggestions to make. But it is always good to have more than one voice, yes?

[degenere]

Mostly he appreciates apples.

[degenere]

Only the chance to speak with you. We had so little time when we last met. Our attentions were too divided. Your aim, too deft.

[degenere]

[WAIT]

The griffon hatchlings. You have been near to them?

[goodforsaken]

Stripped down to essentials, yes. I don't think it takes a particularly clever mind to observe blind devotion to one's country lends its name to some of our [ - sardonic beat for effect - ] current problems.

[ really, what else is corypheus ]

Where did that paper turn up, for curiosity's sake?

[goodforsaken]

That would explain why Orlais never invites us anywhere anymore.

[ this is probably a metaphor ]

[justice_is_blond]

This is what this group seems to inspire.

[But it's amusing. And a respite.]

[justice_is_blond]

...Their faith, yes. That's exactly what makes the people so great.

[He very wisely does not add more sarcasm by saying anything along the lines of how much a fan of the Chantry he is. That's most definitely not called for here.]

I think it's the art and the land and the resourcefulness of its people that appeal to me.

[justice_is_blond]

Yes. It's a ruse. The Ander government loves me.

[justice_is_blond]

Wait, we paid for him? I was told they paid us.

[justice_is_blond]

...Pure and unadulterated freedom? For everyone?