A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[circleprodigy]

Destroying darkspawn, destroying Corypheus, caring for the griffon hatchlings, restoring order in the Anderfels....

[el_tybs]

Well you do like to talk. I assumed it was a natural thing.

[unbrokenoath]

Nah, we pulled him outta a discount bin. Half-priced Alistairs, just a little off model.

The nose is a little off, but we all figured it'd do.

[unbrokenoath]

Fereldan, 'cause it's the home of Thedas' most valuable assets. Mabari, and me.

[aventuriere]

The inability or unwillingness of Fereldans to come up with anything at all to recommend their nation except dogs is truly remarkable. Is it that you are all utterly without imagination or that you are all realists who recognize that there simply is nothing else worth even attempting to say for it?

[byblow]

No, no. I really doubt it's a good time.

[ Rifts, you know. Apocalypse. Prince Cousland vanishing. Plenty of reasons for her rule to be unstable already without adding him, even if he really has no interest in destabilizing anything. ]

But you're very sweet.

[unbrokenoath]

Well, I mean, I could go into talking about how we haven't taken over any of our neighboring countries, murdered all the nobles, and continued to murder everyone until they got us to fuck off. Or maybe that we don't torch our alienages? And, I mean, there's that whole thing about how we don't have nobles getting off to their idiotic courtly intrigue and callin' it a game while half the country is killing each other and is kinda on fire?

But I mean. The dogs are pretty great.

I like Antiva, too. The food is great and everyone's real damn pretty.

[byblow]

Ah--

[byblow]

Every Alistair is the Alistair to someone, probably.

[aventuriere]

Yes, it is a dreadfully boring place. I suppose the dogs really are all that can be said about it.

Antiva certainly has its charms. Have you visited many times?

[apologist]

[ In the background, with unseen furrowed eyebrows: ]

Yuessay?

[apologist]

Jeannot does not.

[apologist]

Freddie, no. Please. I am not to blame.

[apologist]

You are probably right, if it is murder that entices her.

[apologist]

No, I would never. To jest costs triple what it does to think.

[apologist]

Andraste's birthplace remains a subject for debate, mademoiselle. There are many who place it in Jader.

[apologist]

Ah, the Anderfels are my second favorite as well! Magnificent art, and the people so faithful in the face of such hardship.

[apologist]

How many are there, would you say?

[byblow]

No, no, by all means.

[byblow]

You could also say we have the finest cuisine and the gentlest people.

[motherfucking_ghost]

I'm just saying, if I've only been to two countries, mostly just to rescue people or do some missions or whatever, I can't exactly go 'oh, that Par Vollen, that place is my fave', y'know?

But the good old United States of America is only the greatest country on Earth, maybe the greatest country of all the planets humanity has colonized. You've got fifty states--well, fourty-nine, pooooor Florida--of pure and unadulterated freedom, hot dogs, bald eagles, the bitter rivalries of college football, cowboys, mountains, deserts, beaches, endless cornfields, man, we've got it all.

[goodforsaken]

[ well, this is exciting. really! it's better than being recognized because ~i knew your father~. ]

Yes. And here we are in a conversation about nationalism. That's probably ironic, or some similarly literary word.

[goodforsaken]

Did you, now. I didn't think Templars had the time.

[goodforsaken]

A great deal of character does evoke "isn't invited to many parties," a little.

[goodforsaken]

We're only called Marchers by people who aren't. As a point of interest.