voice.

[dashing]

Good morrow, Riftwatch.

( Now, there’s a voice that hasn’t been on the crystals for a time. Years, in fact. The Starkhaven accent is strong as ever, and yet— some more nebulous quality has shifted. What was once careful and controlled, turned to diplomacy through practice, has turned to uniform flatness. Every word placid, every syllable even. )

My name is Herian Amsel. If we were previously acquainted then the possibility that word of my return has reached you already, and were circumstances suited to it, I would offer apology for being so withdrawn.

For those unfamiliar with me, or who have not become familiar with the details of my return, there are elements best not left unspoken.

You may notice differences in my speech and manner. This stems from the Rite of Tranquility, enacted by radicals acting outside the approval of the Chantry and Inquisition. Indeed, the attack was an attack against the Chantry and Inquisition, both.

I remember well the passion and fire of so many in Riftwatch; I share this news not to stoke those fires. These are matter that require thorough investigation. Rather,I speak to be transparent that this state is not one freely chosen, and such a revelation is an unkind one to inflict on others in the midst of other work. A good many find the Tranquil unsettling even before considering the context of how the Rite came to pass.

My presence hence is to serve Riftwatch, and if my presence disturbs you, please do not hesitate in letting it be known. I would sooner remove myself to another part of the keep to do my work, than some disconcerting quality to my aspect interfere with your work, or my circumstances evoking painful memories. One reason I have remained withdrawn was my own contemplations on potential negative impact my return in this state could alert.

Presently I have been assisting Doctor Strange, and learning of medical practices. If any could be troubled to lend assistance through procurement of clay, that would be most beneficial.

If you have questions you win to ask, I will endeavour to answer.

Comments

[bouchonne]

[ uhhhhh what the fuck?? ]

Radicals of what sort?

[exequy]

[ Snapped like he’s angry at her (because in some ways he is): ]

You don’t have to stay like this.

[dashing]

A group of former Templars and Seekers. Some elements are unknown to me, and others may be better limited to particular circles for strategic purposes.

[dashing]

I know. With the Gallows present state and ever-changing conditions of war, the time, labour and resources required are stretched thin.

( There is a pause for a few moments, before she switches to private.

She can’t feel, but she still has reason. )

This has struck a personal cord. I am unable to give you an apology with the sincerity it should hold.

[ipseite]

( though somewhere here she had sighed and made a note to discuss with isaac, that is before she raises her crystal and her voice is more even: )

As Kostos says, I understand that to be within our power to secure reversal. The choice may be made yours, though it is a deep sorrow it was taken from you to begin with.

[bouchonne]

Maker - Have they been found?

[dashing]

Madame de Cedoux. You were much appreciated in my brief tenure as Ambassador. I recall your willingness to share your insights, and conduct both considerate and strategic.

I am not opposed to reversal. I know not if my present or past state render the most practical value to Riftwatch, nor how logistically feasible the facilitation of such an act might be, given the vast lot of greater priorities we face. Better to ensure our keep is secured and our forces are not kept in tents through the winter, first. That is the more pressing concern.

[dashing]

Work to that end is underway.

I spoke not to alarm. Our party had like been identified as associated with the Inquisition, and my particular history was a boon.

[ipseite]

A fair concern, but I suspect it may serve morale better, overall, if the calculus were not quite so directly a matter of logistics.

Certainly, something that is difficult may be something worthwhile to pursue, even if not at the expense of all other priorities.

[bouchonne]

What do you mean, a boon?

[dashing]

Morale may suffer to see a single member of Riftwatch granted prioritisation when so many are without sufficient shelter, in particular when said individual was once a member of the leadership and is only recently returned. I reasoned this could result in concern of favouritism.

( There is a pause, as she weighs it up. As with Kostos, she switches to Private. )

Is that a factor in your considerations? I will take no offence.

( She stops short of saying, “I can be ordered to silence.” )

[ipseite]

( it is deliberate, that petrana responds publicly: )

The intention behind what has been done to you was to strike a blow against our people and the Inquisition, Mademoiselle Amsel. I can think of no more effective way to strike that blow than to allow it to be said that we will not care for our people if it should be inconvenient to us, when we are aware of options and able to seek them out. I cannot promise you that we might reverse the rite tomorrow. We do have a great deal to contend with. We are not, it is true, able or advised to drop all of our other concerns.

That having been said, I would not allow these religious extremists their due in the blow to morale that would be we will not fight for our own.

( private. )

To some, the matter is personal. To others, it is an indicator of how they may be treated, and anyone for whom they care. We have taken a great many blows, and within a year past a monumental effort was undertaken to right a grievous wrong that could have ended Riftwatch entirely. We are not unable to help you. If we choose not to, the message we send is not the one that you are concerned by.

[dashing]

I was once of Riftwatch, an Ambassador when we were a branch of the Inquisition and first became Riftwatch. Once I returned to the Inquisition I was vocal on the matter of freedoms for elves, mages and Rifters, and struggled to effectively support those ends without being dismissed as a radical.
Such a person rendered Tranquil and sent to Riftwatch would do more to undermine those causes and the morale of some of their most passionate supporters than my execution.

( It is all said with that same unsettling monotone. )

A head on a pike is only visible to so many when it is still recognisable.

[dashing]

( Ah. Maintaining the public discussion and the private one is necessary. This requires pause while she thinks out how to puzzle-piece her response together. What parts would better be public versus private.

Ultimately, she decides to make all private. That spoken aloud cannot be snatched back, but all can be disclosed later, if deemed beneficial. )

I think I understand. I am willing to take steps towards that end.

( She pauses, weighing up the words that of relevant interest and necessary for understanding. )

There were times I struggled much with emotion. It burned at me, at times, and felt paralytic in others. The burden of feeling intensely while attempting to navigate the correct path has been destructive to myself and even those held dear to me, in times past. As much effort as I had made to diffuse the stark view I had of things, I had by no means overcome it entire. Some elements of it are doubtless amplified in my present state.

There is the possibility that I am more useful now. I did not wish for Tranquility, but in having it, duty prompts consideration of potential merits.

I am not declining the reversal. Only considering the balance of concerns and benefits.

private.

[ipseite]

( it isn't as if herian's wrong. she had made herself available to herian as the new ambassador in part because she is right; that she had seen both the drawbacks and the opportunities in her approach, that she had seen someone amenable to the guiding hand of a more certain voice.

(and then she'd invested that effort in flint, instead, and look where that's led.)

she sounds thoughtful in saying, )

I don't think you owe us or yourself an answer, immediate, if you do not have one. If we speak purely of what is best for Riftwatch, then it is my personal view that... particularly in light of the recent death of Casimir Lyov, and with consideration given to the purpose of your altering, it is my personal view that to reverse the rite may be our best course forward. I can see a number of ways in which we could utilise that choice, and a number of other ways that the alternative would prove challenging.

But at the heart of it, Herian, ( gentler, ) is you. It is your life, and your heart, and it is right that it should be your decision, for your sake as well.

Whatever challenges we face as a result of either choice, know that they are worthwhile.

private + ref to violently resisting Tranquility

[dashing]

( There is a different stiltedness to this reply. The response is not considered in advance, rather, the connection kept open as she considers. )

If I is at its centre, the argument that, rendered Tranquil, I am
not myself has its place. Herian Amsel has been partitioned with more abrupt severely than territory in warfare.

( Violent and catastrophic as war is, some shred of possibility exists that is banished by the absolute nature of the Rite. She’d still say war is worse, considering the balance of quantity of lives impacted and scale, but this seems an appropriate turn of phrase speaking to Petrana, specifically. )

I do not refer to the scale nor impact. It may be more accurate to refer to the abruptness of a florist’s shears; once a rose has been cut, it is not longer part of the rosebush.

( There is a long pause. )

When they restrained my hands for the rite, I fought, still. The man who man restrained my hands lost part of his cheek to my teeth.

( That was the whole person. The whole person did not want this fate. )

private.

[ipseite]

There is not an option before you, ( after a pause, ) that will have no drawbacks for you or for those around you. There is not a choice that you can say of objective certainty will serve Riftwatch above the other, in and of itself, by an unbiased and methodical calculus. There will be consequences to your decision, and you do not have the ability not to choose. Inaction will be a choice, too.

It does sound to me as if you know what you would freely wish.

private.

[dashing]

( The silence might speak enough for itself. She has much to think on. )

Are there effects of the Rite that necessitate recovery?

private.

[ipseite]

I'm afraid it's not something that I have personal knowledge of; I'm aware that it has been done, and by Riftwatch, and that sufficient knowledge remains that I believe it could be feasibly repeated. Certainly, I have no reason to think Kostos would have spoken so if he were not an authority on the matter.

Commander Rowntree, likewise, has some history with the Tranquil. He was not here for Mssr Lyov's ritual, but he may be able to make knowledgeable recommendations, and certainly is in a position to aid the effort if it should be made.

perma private. bc I am forgetful

[dashing]

I will seek out their insights to better inform myself.

You referred to the potential impact of silence prior to any decision. Are there steps you’d have me take to mitigate harm to morale?

∞

[ipseite]

( thoughtful, ) What I mean to say is inaction is a choice. To delay the decision indefinitely is to live in a choice, effectively.

To my eye, what matters most— it is more harmful in the long term to very strongly take the position that we may decide any of our number who are harmed against their will may be, through that harm, rendered unworthy of aid. It is right that you should consider your decision, and that you should not be pressed into making one in haste. But I caution you against setting too much emphasis on the idea that you, individually, do not deserve the work that it would take.

You mean to speak for yourself. You mean to speak of pragmatism. What you do say, in doing so, is that it is possible to make any one of us worth less than the others. It is to hand those who harmed you their victory, and in precisely the way they intended it. I ask that you not do their work for them.

[dashing]

( That is something she had not considered. Herian sits quietly, crystal held loosely in her hand.

Perhaps Petrana would remember the expression she used to make when turning over difficult matters. It may be for the best that she cannot see her appearing so unmoved, now. )

My focus on past rank eclipsed a more corrosive concern. Rather than concern that resources are being directed to a former leader, it would establish that Riftwatch does not value the individual. That rank might, then, serve to make that all the worse - regardless of effort and dedication, all can be discarded if setting things to right is not convenient.


( Assuming she had not misunderstood. )

From that perspective, there seems to be only one viable option that supports morale in the long term. Morale cannot be neglected by pragmatism.

[ipseite]

( no, petrana thinks she has understood quite well the point being made. )

We will not always be able to put matters to rights. We've never always been able to do that. We have suffered losses, and it is almost a certainty that we will suffer more. We will not always have the knowledge, the ability, the time, the willing hands—

for that reason, I must think that it is essential that when we are able, we do act. That we choose to honour the responsibility we have to one another. And I do believe that we have that responsibility; I have always believed that.

[dashing]

Aye, our responsibilities to one another must be honoured.

( Herian has been thinking a great deal, Petrana subject to many silences. )

I recall distinctly your carefulness with your words. Please forgive me if I have considered your words overmuch, and invented significance.

Regardless, I have thought much on the nature of honour, given how tightly I grasped it in times past. I know not if conducting yourself with honour has any relation striving to do good. Honour relies upon the values of those claiming to act with it.

[ipseite]

I think that you hold honour as a concept as if it is a thing in and of itself, ( she says, not unkindly. ) But to honour an obligation is not in and of itself a good or ill; it should depend upon the obligation. The contract that we make with one another here is one that I personally value; I agree that what you value, and therefore what you honour, are choices that remain yours to decide.

It is natural for one's values to change and grow, in time and with new knowledge. I know that the way to act with honour was used in my youth,

( she's in her mid thirties, )

I don't cleave to that meaning. But as a concept, the idea of honouring what one cares for, that is not inherently a wrong simply because many value harm.