therookery | crystal.

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Bastien
RECIPIENT: Everyone
NOTES: Nonsense. If your characters will not say anything but are obviously/observably involved with people, please feel even more encouraged than normal to "not here" reply with the deets for everyone's gossip-gathering purposes.

Bonjour, mes amis.

[ Faintly sing-song, but in a drawling and subdued way. It doesn't do to sound too chipper and excited about asking people semi-invasive questions. ]

I have been talking to the Seneschal, and we thought—well, it's possible we might need a fraternization policy. Or a record, at least, in case it becomes a problem later. And to decide whether that is necessary: information about fraternization.

[ It's obvious from his voice that he's pleased that that rhymes. ]

So who is together? Or involved, if together is a scary word.

Please feel very free to rat out your bashful friends.

[ As an afterthought, ]

If you have opinions about the policy or record part, I will take those, too.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

They have two stomachs.

[ This is not true. Either they have four or they have one, depending on perspective. But he says it very confidently. ]

A farmer told me so.

Huh.

[ Byerly doesn't sound skeptical; he sounds curious. ]

So they can hold more?

[ someone help these city boys. ]

It must be. Or one stomach for grass and another for wine.

[ Cows definitely drink wine. ]

—anyway, that doesn’t count. The coffee.

[ Laughing - ]

I know it doesn't count. The Seneschal would never have let me sneak it through if it was actually badly done.

Thank the Maker for the Seneschal.

[ Reputation saved (sort of), he wanders back on track: ]

And what about you. If Alexandrie or I were to break the rules—such as they are—do you think you could be fair in your discipline?

[ There’s no way to make that question sound completely devoid of innuendo, but he sure tries. ]

[ Blowing past Bastien's good intentions: ]

It'd be much sexier for you.

[ A slightly despairing noise, but— ]

Even you couldn’t make docking my pay sexy.

Yes I could. I'd make you go around in strategically threadbare rags.

[ Damn it. He titters. ]

Too creative by half, mon chef chéri. You are wasted at a desk.

Only sometimes! I'm only sometimes wasted at this desk.

[ Oh, this imp. This card. ]

But in truth...No. I would be too soft on you by far. Or too hard, out of fear of being too soft.

[ Ha.

For the first thing.

For the second: ]

Then I suppose— [ getting progressively quieter, abashed by his own joke ] —we have finally found a position I shouldn’t put you in.

[ He snickers. ]

Harlot.

[Get a room that doesn't have an adjoining wall with his office!!!!]

(no subject)

cozen - 2022-02-01 23:22 (UTC) - Expand

[ No argument. He’s lost the right. ]

Really—if I do ever misbehave, you will have to hand me over to Yseult. Unless she also likes me too much to be fair.

[ A moment of consideration. ]

No, she would be fair.

bouchonne - 2022-02-02 00:05 (UTC) - Expand

cozen - 2022-02-02 01:54 (UTC) - Expand

bouchonne - 2022-02-02 02:37 (UTC) - Expand

Your farmer lied to you, or else only had experience with a very specific deformity.

[City boys, please.]

He wasn't my farmer. He was a farmer.

[ Important to establish, given the general topic of tonight's conversation. ]

Please don't tell me cows are normal.

Sorry, yes. In this case: the farmer, a farmer. No one had any involvement.

Anyways, don't worry. Cows aren't entirely normal. They have several stomachs in one, and they do like coffee. So if you look at it in a certain light, you were mostly right. Well done.

Horrifying!

Natural!

I love it. You've sought out so many truths!

You're making fun of me.

I'm actually not.

[ He's actually not. ]

I hope you aren't, because it would be very cruel if you were. It's just that I learnt a great deal about animals first, when I was small. And even after that when I was home for visits, I helped out--and I've always liked learning new things.

I said I'm not! We like learning new things, too.

Especially things about animals not being normal.

Did you ever give a cow coffee? Does the milk give you jitters?

fairforce - 2022-02-08 19:36 (UTC) - Expand

cozen - 2022-02-13 18:53 (UTC) - Expand

fairforce - 2022-02-13 23:38 (UTC) - Expand