crystal;

[satinet]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Cassius
RECIPIENT: All Y'all
NOTES: Performing the vital service of being an agent of administrative chaos.

Warmest greetings, my friends! This is Senior Enchanter Black speaking. Not to worry—I fully intend to keep this short.

[Promises, promises.]

Now that we have all recovered from the holidays both interrupted and postponed, I would like to take this opportunity to address a number of items from this office's suggestions box and a series of small administrative changes.

First—No, we will not be cutting 'breastplate windows' into the uniforms regardless of the season, removing the glowstones from the stairwells for the sake of confused wisps, or assigning personal ladder carriers to the division heads in order to help them reach the highest shelves. I am however willing to consider advocating for equitable justice within our little community should whoever wrote that we 'Shave Thandruil Baudin in solidarity for jealously putting gum in my hair. Signed, Johnathan Silver' still feel strongly on the subject. And I would begin by apologizing for the delay in this response. Your concern was stuck in the corner of the box.

[Astute members of Riftwatch will accurately guess that Cassius hasn't cracked this box since he, I mean it, was installed in the Seneschal's office. Now then, to the tune of rapidly flicking through papers.]

An anonymous admirer thinks the Ambassador has been looking very handsome lately. An anonymous concerned individual has noted the last leader of Project Haven may have been actively sabotaging our relationship with the Chantry and wishes to know how that damage may be repaired. An anonymous madman principally concerned with the spending of this organization would like to note that if someone doesn't stop stealing from the stock of soap in the baths that he will be forced to take extreme measures to control its distribution. He further writes that while he hopes for a peaceful resolution, that he has no shortage of ideas for exacting his revenge.

[Presumably this last card is winged away over the Seneschal's shoulder.]

On that subject, everyone is being asked to carefully monitor their use of parchment and ink. All pages should be used front and back. The passing of non-essential notes and letters should be kept to a minimum. Distribution of papers and ink powders will be monitored and any foolhardy excess may be deducted from your stipend. Similarly, please be aware that the destruction of Riftwatch property which includes equipment from the armory and the Gallows furnishings may be subject to the same.

I believe that's the long and the short of it. I hope everyone has had a pleasant Firstfall.

Comments

[bouchonne]

Oh ho.

[satinet]

I also thought it surprising that Messere Silver would settle for such petty revenge.

[Ha ha ha we have fun here.]

[bouchonne]

You know that's not what I'm responding to.

[satinet]

Is it not? I can't imagine anything else being news to you.

[bouchonne]

You charming scoundrel!

[satinet]

I like to think so, yes.

But Byerly, now that you mention it—I suppose it might be a sound idea to address one or two of these other points publicly.

[bouchonne]

The soap situation is dire, and should be seen to. The desperation it would take to purloin the absolute garbage we have in the baths...It's like someone is craving dry elbows.

[satinet]

Bleak.

I suppose I was referring to [a rustling of papers; maybe this is legitimate, or maybe Cassius is doing some foley work for the audience's benefit.] this business regarding the late leader of Project Haven.

[bouchonne]

Ah. You want me to put in the paperwork to deduct money from his stipend?

[satinet]

[Cassius' laugh is pleasant. Other people, ones slightly less disposed to his personality than Byerly is, probably find that fact annoying.]

I have the sneaking suspicion that the opportunity to recover any of his pay has gone up in flames. [Get it.] But by all means—

[bouchonne]

I've heard that in parts of Antiva, if debtors pass away before debts are paid, they flog the corpse in punishment. We could do something like that, perhaps?

[satinet]

Surely we've a gibbet somewhere. Now there's a morale booster—and an insurance policy in case the corpse is possessed.

[bouchonne]

A brilliant idea! Your mind is as remarkable as ever, dear Cassius. We can charge people for sticks to poke it with - a fundraiser as well!

[delphian]

( a laconic, starkhaven voice: ) Senior Enchanter of where?

[satinet]

The occupied city of Perendale.

[Tragique.]

[delphian]

Sorry to hear it.

( which, to be fair, she might have said to literally any possible answer. )

[satinet]

That's kind. Thank you for the concern.

[Well, he sounds sincere.]

I only regret that more couldn't be brought out of the Circle archives before it was abandoned. Who knows what Tevinter's done with the place.

[delphian]

There's always Florus to ask, now. ( it's drier than it is a real suggestion. )

[satinet]

Ah yes, the resident expert. —I do wonder how he's finding Circle life in the South.

[Terrific joke. You're all welcome.]

[delphian]

I don't think he was much liked in the North, either. Else he'd have stayed, I expect.

( an ungenerous position from someone who owes him her own freedom. she concedes: ) Or he might be sincere, I grant you.

[satinet]

[Gross, sincerity. Don't bring that into this.]

You're to put your compliments in the box, not speak them to me directly.

Unless they're for me.

[delphian]

( tsenka laughs, off-guard and unguarded: )

Maker, if those're your standards it'd be more appropriate to shout them at you going by.

[satinet]

[In the broad tones of 'I'll try anything once':]

I can't say it's my preferred method of delivery.

[delphian]

Well, ( playfully conciliatory, ) I'm more than happy to say I'm sure you've just as much likelihood of not being scum.

Better odds, even.

[satinet]

Now there's the sort of high praise a man lives for.

[muckspout]

didn't do it, but

is soap that important? or parchment and ink? But... soap?

[satinet]

Only if we care to make a good impression on anyone with the misfortune of standing next to us.

[muckspout]

Oh. So it's for you?

[satinet]

I assure you, I have my own soap.

No dear fellow, I'm speaking more broadly. Of the company in general. There are those of us who put no part of their stipend into seeing to their own needs. Heroic as that is, [or whatever] that means we must provide the basic necessities for them.

[hassaran]

Should I be offended, Seneschal?

[ About which item? That's for Cassius to worry on. ]

[satinet]

[Math done instantly, and the most obvious options discarded in favor of the safety of absurdity:]

Why Scoutmistress! Of all people, I never imagined you would be such a strong proponent for uniform modifications.

[inkindled]

Doesn't 'Signed, Johnathan Silver' sort of tell you who it is within our community what wrote that one?

[satinet]

I suppose it offers one or two clues, yes. Now allow me to just read out this next note, authored by 'Signed, Definitely Matthias'—

[inkindled]

Clear lie, that one. I've never used the box.

[satinet]

You should. Your opinion is exactly the sort of thing I'm after, you know.

[inkindled]

[Suspicious, Matthias pauses. Intrigued, he has to ask,]

Why?

[satinet]

Why not? You're a young man who has been here with Riftwatch for—well, for a great deal longer than I have, to say nothing of your being a mage.

I'm sure you have an opinion or two about how we've been conducting our business that we might all benefit discussing.

[inkindled]

Well. Yeah. I s'ppose so. But most aren't interested in-- I mean, everyone's got their opinions already, haven't they? So what use is there in saying more. And nothing ever gets solved. S' why I never understood the point of having a box for complaints--for what, really, just to talk?

[satinet]

Nothing ever gets solved! [Shock, horror, extreme dismay, blah blah blah.] That may have been true in the past, but I assure you that I fully intend to relentlessly pursue the betterment of this organization.

—But, I can understand being hesitant to use the box. It's much nicer to put a face to any discussion, isn't it? If you prefer, we might sit down and have a little chat in person.

[inkindled]

Right.

[The part of Matthias that is steadfast in his mistrust of the Seneschal--or really, the part of Matthias that does not understand the Seneschal and all things that he says (and he says so many things), and thus, allows him to be steadfast in his mistrust of the Seneschal--well, that steadfastness is momentarily wavered by how much he appreciates anyone consulting him for his opinion.]

Maybe. Yeah. If that's really what you're after, betterment and all, and you're not just winding me up.

[satinet]

What possible benefit would there be in doing that?

[Is a hypothetical question. He knows the answer already, which means he laughs off the possibility of there even being one and transitions smoothly to—]

But, really. Should you find yourself with concerns, arrange to see me.

[inkindled]

[This feels a little like agreeing to share his hypothetical concerns with a pit of vipers who can easily outtalk him, but--]

Yeah, all right. I will.

[Surely he can be clever enough to navigate that conversation. If it ever even comes up.]

[satinet]

[Surely.]

Good. [As if that conversation is inevitable, and he's pleased to have sorted the semantics ahead of time so that they can move on to the real subject at hand—] Now in the mean time, I wonder whether you might be willing to assist me with something. I've a little project that could use an extra set of hands. —Or two, if you've any friends you care to bring along.

[inkindled]

Oh. Er--

[This bodes well for Matthias being able to keep up.]

--yeah, all right. Or, well-- what is it? The project? [That he's already said yes to, oh, well done--]

[satinet]

[Like a bear trap breezily snapping shut:]

Have you had much to do with the refugees camped around Kirkwall yet?

[inkindled]

[Matthias, the bunny rabbit, sensing a jot more danger but not wise enough to yet lift his head--]

Not very much. I mean, I've looked out a window and seen 'em.

[hornswoggle]

Oh, how did that get into the suggestion box. Someone's hand must have slipped.

[satinet]

A likely story. But I trust you have the men with which to hog tie Monsieur Baudin without Riftwatch's intervention.