crystals;

[wythersake]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Isaac
RECIPIENT: Yall
NOTES: Orlais News — Val Chevin still occupied, Orlais holding off on a siege. Val Royeaux is partying, but like, austerely.

My esteemed companions. Comrades in arms. Champions of the common man:

What do — [ read aloud, ] — Rich people eat?

Comments

[obdurata]

( suspiciously: ) Is it poor people?

[wythersake]

Poor — forgive me, this Trade — people?

[ those words don't go together ]

[obdurata]

I know what you get paid, you can't make that joke just because you have the accent.

[wythersake]

I'll have you know that I dine in the fashion of the Empress herself.

[gonoph]

Money.

[wythersake]

What is a fountain, but coin soup?

[gonoph]

No, no, the joke goes: I've never seen a rich man pay for anything. What else could they do with their money?

[wythersake]

Oh, that is better. Less risk of blood poisoning - how far south was it that your contacts extended?

[justashotaway]

Food.

[wythersake]

All of them?

[justashotaway]

Everyone eats.

[hornswoggle]

I'd heard they do not eat, but find nourishment in the misery of those serving them.

[wythersake]

A curious premise. I am given cause to recall the greater salary due our leadership -

[hornswoggle]

Ah, but then we must consider if they are truly rich, or rich in comparison to the rest of us. How does one qualify as the former?

[bouchonne]

I have a full menu from the most recent dinner I went to. Shall I read it aloud?

[wythersake]

Immediately.

[bouchonne]

[ And Byerly clears his throat delicately. ]

"First course: Fried flamingo's tongues in tarragon sauce." Which is devilishly good. I've been tempted to start kissing flamingoes ever since I had that one.

"Second course: Clear nug consomme."

"Third course: Soft-boiled quail's eggs served fantastically." Fantastically, in this case, meant served like they were dragons' eggs, complete with live lizards made up to look like wyrms. They even had it so they breathed a bit of fire.

"Fourth course: Antivan risotto." I'm not certain which Antivans they'd been talking to, by the way - the stuff was blander than the pre-dinner entertainment.

"Fifth course: Eels in jelly."

"Sixth course: Haunch of nug." Can you tell there were dwarves in attendance? The nug went altogether untouched. By any at the table.

"Seventh course: Sorbet of sparkling sun blonde wine."

"Eighth course: Veal cheek in jelly." Too much jelly.

"Ninth course: Cockentrice." You'd have shuddered to see that one. Horrible.

"Tenth course: Stewed daisy greens in cream sauce." Thank the Maker for that cream.

"Eleventh course: Salad of sow's ear and mushroom."

"Twelfth course: Cold buffet." I can't even remember what this course was. Evidently I was still traumatized from the cockentrice.

"Thirteenth course: Croquembouche." Very disappointingly. Every jumped-up merchant wants a croquembouche, but they're so unfashionable now.

"Fourteenth course: Savory leek pie." That one was good.

"Fifteenth course: Cheese."

"Sixteenth course: Dessert." Fresh fruits and the like.

"Seventeenth course: Coffee and tea."

[positioning]

Far too much, I have noticed. Their poor cooks, they suffer to produce such bountiful meals.

[wythersake]

How do you propose to lessen their distress?

[deceivingly]

The little baby cows, pulled from the wombs of their mothers while their eyes are still closed. And they are boiled. With mint.

[bouchonne]

What! What a horrifying lie. Eugh. Eugh!! Honestly, stop spreading such disgusting tales.

They're served with rosemary, not mint.

[deceivingly]

Is it rosemary, that makes the nose tingle?

[highborn]

What don't they eat would be the better question.

[wythersake]

A great deal, at present. It has become — mn, unfashionable perhaps does not convey the intent —

[highborn]

Oh, but it does. Go ahead, it's a fine word for the matter.