crystal.

[cozen]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Bastien
RECIPIENT: Everyone
NOTES: Naw.

Hello! [ Lowkey cheer, Orlesian accent. ] I'm Bastien, if we haven't met, and if we have—I took over organizing Jeshavis a few months ago. I didn't say before. Mieux vaut tard que jamais.

If you are new, Jeshavis is the project focusing on counterintelligence in the South. [ This is a normal thing for a printer to be in charge of. ] It is named after the Mother of Orlais. And I am Orlesian, and Madame d'Asgard, who has agreed to stay in the office with me and continue lending her expertise less officially—she is Orlesian. Au total, it is a lot of Orlais in a small space. But we care very much about Ferelden, too. Especially since its swamps might be our last bastion someday. We would like to keep it nice and uninvaded for as long as possible.

—you know, I am not sure anyone with this accent has ever said that.

De toute façon. I have two requests.

The first is for anyone who thinks they might be useful to come by and say hello. Even if it is only a vague suspicion that you might be a little useful, maybe, but you aren't sure how. There are spiced nuts and wine for you in the bargain.

And the second: I would love to hear everyone's best Fereldan and Orlesian accents. I am making lists of who can fake it. Native Fereldans and Orlesians—just the one that is foreign to you, s'il vous plaît. And if you are natively Fereldan and Orlesian, don't be be a show-off.

Comments

[untiltheyarent]

[With a pronounced country twang:]

Get your Amaranthine oats, best oats in Thedas.

[bouchonne]

How dare you. Hinterlands oats are the best.

[untiltheyarent]

Pardon, Messere. I have never been to either.

[cozen]

Fifi. I did not know you had it in you.

[untiltheyarent]

I am a lady of many secrets, mon ami.

[bouchonne]

[ With an absolutely perfect Orlesian accent: ]

I hate show-offs.

[cozen]

C'est les pires. After we have saved the world from rifts, we should start on them. Showoffwatch.

[bouchonne]

Rakewatch. Fopwatch.

[justashotaway]

[ In Orlesian, as faintly touched by a Nevarran accent as her Trade: ]

What would you like me to say?

[ And then, in Trade again, shaping her vowels and her speech pattern so they match her boyfriend's near-exactly: ]

I can't do a Fereldan accent, but I have got a Marcher one, yeah? Brilliant.

[cozen]

That was perfect—the Orlesian.

But I think you have been spending too much time with Matthias.

[dinadhal]

My Orlesian, it is only curses. And very accented. [ Cheerfully said, and as promised, very Ander. ] But I would like, I think, wine and spiced nuts.

[cozen]

The curses are the most important parts, so I think you have earned them. Come up whenever you have time—Aenor, right?

[poleaxed]

[In a surprisingly good Orlesian accent-]

Ah! But will the wine be suitable for my, comment dit-on, delicate tastes.

[cozen]

That might depend on how much of it you want to drink. I can offer a glass of 9:42 Gaucheinon, among others, or a bottle of this purple stuff that smells sort of like fermented grape.

[fiat]

[Some extremely convincing nonsense that only fluent Orlesian-speakers will realize is jibberish.]

[Then, with an Anders accent:] Can I have the wine now?

[cozen]

[ In actual Orlesian: ]

For a performance like that, you can have your pick. Come up whenever you have time.

[fripon]

I'm Roger the mabari farmer and I don't drink wine or know what spices are. [ He sounds Australian. ]

[cozen]

Monsieur, you could be born and bred in the Bannorn.

[lumelume]

[Carefully mimicking Bastien's specific accent,]

I am making lists of who can fake it.

[kantikoy]

[ A gigglesnort. That's what that sound was. ]

[cozen]

Oh, that was good! Amador, ouais?

[deceivingly]

[Broad and flat and achingly boringly Fereldan--]

No, I don't like spices. This is such a bad bargain, serrah, and unfair to me and my people. When will your office serve gruel?

[cozen]

[ Ooh impressive. ]

What if I rinse the spice off of the nuts?

[muckspout]

[A long deep dramatic breath.]

Hello, Bastien. Can you guess where I am from? I will take my wine and spiced nuts now.

[It is obvious that Edgard thinks he is doing an accent, but his voice does not sound even a little bit different.]

[cozen]

[ A thoughtful hum, and an earnest guess: ]

The Deauvin Flats.