I. OPEN.

[liberalum]

FORM: Sending crystal.
SENDER: Dorian Pavus and some fans.
RECIPIENT: Everyone.
WHAT: Karma.
WHEN: Guardian 18.
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: I won't actually action this one out, but we can work out by arrangement if your character would in fact like a chicken, but most will go to the barn despite this offer. Dorian just wants people to remove them. ;-;

[ Clearly, this message is being sent on slight impulse, a certain degree of stress and despair in his tone despite being delivered, initially, with somewhat sarcastic cheer. ]

It appears I have come into a sudden wealth of--

[ A brief pause, a struggle, not really wanting to say it. ]

--poultry. Livestock.

[ In the background, the gentle clucking of perfectly content chickens makes for a background to Dorian's clipped syllables, clenched teeth, the slight implication in his tone that he might laugh or cry or both, left unchecked. ]

Do come by if you would like one of these. Take as many as you can carry, you're welcome to them. They're not leaving, they just keep running back in, I swear they're following me around-- oh, look at this, just--! It laid an egg! In Nevarran satin! And feathers, everywhere, this coat was spotless, and now it looks like I've rolled around in a chicken--

[ This is the moment he realises why this is happening to him. ]

--coop. Well, I hope you're happy. [ Whether he's addressing a broody hen or Leliana is left to interpretation. ] But no, really, someone take them from-- no no no, get away from that--

[ Message ends. ]

Comments

[the_effect_she_has]

Well no, they're chickens. Right now they seem to be offending you though.

[C'mon Dorian seriously. They're dumb birds.]

We could kill them and use the meat to feed the refugees.

[A pause.]

Wait, you said they're laying eggs? How many?

[Eggs went a lot farther than a few dead chickens.]

[liberalum]

Too many.

[ He is so offended. ]

And yes, I'm getting some lessons in chicken-egg economics. They're being taken to the barn, although a little help won't go amiss. Eggs for assistance.

[the_effect_she_has]

[Ah-hah, bartering. This she's being doing her whole life.]

All right, how much are the eggs worth to you? Price-wise, I mean. I know everyone else might be trading you for eggs for themselves -- I want to get them to the refugees and to the army. So whatever they are offering you for one or two eggs a day, I am looking to pay you for services in bulk.

[liberalum]

[ Woah, slow down, princess. ]

Just--

[ This is all too much. ]

--I'm going to put the eggs in a basket outside, of the ones I'm finding. Take them, please.

[the_effect_she_has]

Oh!

[Now you can almost hear the smile in her voice.]

Thank you so much, Dorian!