diplomacy, gird your loins.

[bouchonne]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Byerly and Eshal.
RECIPIENT: All y'all
NOTES: Blue is Byerly, red is Eshal.

Bonsoir, Riftwatch. I have some dreadful news for you all.

[ Byerly’s voice sounds a bit dry. And characteristically dramatic. ]

My dear comrade and equal, would you like to tell them?

It's not dreadful, get over yourself. Anyway, Diplomacy has two heads, because we're better than the lot of them. Right?

Oh, yes. It’s widely acknowledged as a show of faith to appoint two people to do the job normally done by one. A task given only to truly quality prospects.

Exactly.

[ A sigh. ]

My esteemed self and this esteemed lady have been appointed joint heads of Diplomacy. She, being a decent and righteous soul, has volunteered to hear any and all complaints that might be made about this decision.

Yep. Love to meet the rest of you, honestly. Come by the head office, any time. I'll supply the whiskey.

[ Byerly lifts an eyebrow at her; he’d expected a protest to him volunteering her for that thankless duty. But, well, if she’s willing to be the goat here, let her be the goat. A shrug. That’s it. Meet your new overseers. ]

Comments

[inkindled]

Mental. I mean, if you think about it, I s'ppose that's like nobles as well. Caring that much about who's with who. It's so much thought about-- you know. Who fucks.

[saam]

Ha! Love to hear you say that to a proper Qunari. Twist 'em into fucking knots. They hate how things go in the South.

[inkindled]

Find me one and I'll say it. I'm not afraid.

[saam]

But then I'd have to talk to one.

[inkindled]

Oh, what, you can't manage three seconds of conversation? Just point at me and say there and I'll start.

[saam]

Yeah, yeah, okay, tough guy. Next time we run into Qunari, I'll let them know what some bas thinks of them.

sighs @ access button

[inkindled]

What's bas mean?

Re: sighs @ access button

[saam]

Us. Not-Qunari. And it means... some other things. Every word in Qunari has about four meanings.

[inkindled]

That's stupid.

[saam]

I think I like you, kid. What division you in?

[inkindled]

Think, eh?

[But that's close enough. Not that it takes much.]

I'm in whatever they're calling Forces these days, of course. More my style.

[saam]

Might. Mayyybe.

[She's just playing with him, now.]

Oh, good. Flint won't mind if I snatch you away sometimes. Tell me about yourself, kid.

[inkindled]

Matthias. A mage. Not easily snatched but if it's interesting work, I'll come along of my own volition. My favorite color's red. What else d'you want to know? Only you'll have to answer whatever you ask as well, s' only fair.

[saam]

Don't worry; I don't assign people work they'll find boring unless they volunteer. Do a shite job, otherwise...

What d'you think of the chantry? The Maker, all that?

And my favorite color's orange.

[inkindled]

[That philosophy of work is not only sound, it actually also sounds great and cool and if he wasn't trying so hard to be cool in return Matthias would say so.]

I reckon the Maker exists. Sure. 'Cause there's a kind of proof to that. And Andraste, she was all right.

But the Chantry is all cocked up, right. 'Cause a cock-up is what people make of anything when they try to put their own rules and things on it. The second some arsehead gets put in charge, they'll start telling everyone what to do and putting in systems and things, and ruining it all for everyone else. And besides, the Chantry helped make the Circles bloody awful. Telling me all my life that I'm shit. So, I don't have any time for that.

You?

[saam]

Hhm. So you like the gods, but not the- the soul. No- the priestesses.

No gods under the Qun. I didn't grow up with any. If you can catch religion later, maybe I will, but I haven't yet.

[A pause. Deciding her next move, but she times it so it sounds more like hesitation-] I'll be honest, I almost pretended I believed. I've met some that get offended when I say I don't. But I want honesty, and you said it's what you wanted, eh?

[inkindled]

Oh--yeah.

[What he said he wanted, yes, and also what he does, actually, want--but Matthias is distracted now. Or again. Pretty typical.]

I mean, I'm not offended, at least. And, well. Yeah, I'd rather not hear a lie. 'Cause I've been honest, especially. Just-- How's there no gods?

[saam]

[The big pull in all of this, Eshal suspects, will be now. The part where she doesn't get bored explaining something she's explained what feels like a hundred times before.]

There don't have to be. The Qun doesn't recognize any. The word for 'god' in Qunlat is the same as the word for 'lie'. Tells you how they feel about it, if you ask me.

[inkindled]

Oh.

[Torn between his innate and pressing curiosity, and his desire not to annoy or pester anyone even remotely interesting with a billion questions, and then a third way by his desire not to sound a religious fanatic, because he's far from it, let him not come off like a slavering maniac--just someone normal--Matthias pauses.]

That's... mental. And-- [Well. He squints, at nothing, only in thought.] --a bit much, really. If they haven't got any gods, why are they even going around making up words about 'em. Then it's just like, they're trying to show how big they don't care.

[saam]

[A rumbling laugh.]

The shit you say, kid. Never thought of it like that, but... fair enough, honestly.

[inkindled]

[Glowing with pride at having come off as normal and maybe even funny, wow--]

Yeah, that's what they say about me. I'm an original.

Anyway, no one'll be forcing you to a chantry or anything. You can carry on. But diplomats aren't meant to be terribly honest, I think, so mind what you say to others and all.

[saam]

Oh, giving me advice, now? Shit. There I thought you wanted to stick around in Forces.

Here's a secret about Diplomacy. It's not just for rich tits and fancy parties.

[inkindled]

Oh, yeah, then what else is it, 'cause that's all anyone ever talks about. Fancy tits and rich parties. And I do want to stay in Forces, mind, so don't get any ideas.