diplomacy, gird your loins.

[bouchonne]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Byerly and Eshal.
RECIPIENT: All y'all
NOTES: Blue is Byerly, red is Eshal.

Bonsoir, Riftwatch. I have some dreadful news for you all.

[ Byerly’s voice sounds a bit dry. And characteristically dramatic. ]

My dear comrade and equal, would you like to tell them?

It's not dreadful, get over yourself. Anyway, Diplomacy has two heads, because we're better than the lot of them. Right?

Oh, yes. It’s widely acknowledged as a show of faith to appoint two people to do the job normally done by one. A task given only to truly quality prospects.

Exactly.

[ A sigh. ]

My esteemed self and this esteemed lady have been appointed joint heads of Diplomacy. She, being a decent and righteous soul, has volunteered to hear any and all complaints that might be made about this decision.

Yep. Love to meet the rest of you, honestly. Come by the head office, any time. I'll supply the whiskey.

[ Byerly lifts an eyebrow at her; he’d expected a protest to him volunteering her for that thankless duty. But, well, if she’s willing to be the goat here, let her be the goat. A shrug. That’s it. Meet your new overseers. ]

Comments

[bouchonne]

From a certain perspective, that could be argued.

[wythersake]

I've no interest in arguing the facts. Amsel has been the only mage to serve as head of a division — a position which she used to speak against phylacteries, Circle Annulment, and the Rite of Tranquility.

[bouchonne]

Well observed.

[ He's giving nothing away here. ]

[wythersake]

Is it? I wonder that I've been struck deaf of late.

[bouchonne]

My, my. Sounds like an unpleasant affliction.

[ Then, unbending just a little - ]

I am but a vessel, good man. I advocate for what Riftwatch tells me to advocate for.

[wythersake]

My information may be out of date, but last I checked you were a member of our august body. What will you be advocating for?

[bouchonne]

Would you have been interested in the answer to that question two weeks ago?

[wythersake]

Two weeks ago, weren't you being stabbed?

[ three weeks, four. whatever. ]

[bouchonne]

In recovery.

[wythersake]

I'm not in the habit of demanding promises over sickbeds. However, as you're up and about and newly-promoted — what will you be advocating for?

[bouchonne]

Politics bore me, good man. As I said - Whatever I'm told to advocate for.

1/2

[wythersake]

[ how the fuck is their best option still the vint pirate ]

2/2

[wythersake]

You're too good, to repeat yourself for my benefit.

[bouchonne]

My benevolence is famous.

[ But... ]

My door is open if you want to lobby.

[wythersake]

Are you also supplying whiskey?

[ is eshal gonna be there ]

[bouchonne]

Absolutely not. I don't want to encourage people to talk to me.

like ten minutes later

[wythersake]

[ knock knock ]

[bouchonne]

[ And By calls back - ]

What part of my door is open did you not understand?

[ Which will be a stupid comment if this doesn't turn out to be Isaac. But that's the general advantage of carefully cultivating the image he does: when you make a fool of yourself, you can pretend you did it deliberately. ]

[wythersake]

My ears.

[ he shuts it, perches on the dusty end of a table. ]

Do you know, I've always thought Anders was going about this wrong. The melodrama, the shouting. But I think he's trained you into it.

[bouchonne]

The murder?

[ Don't forget about that part, Isaac. ]

[wythersake]

The murder. [ he agrees. it's a wonder that kirkwall's never seen to its own justice. ] But that's not what moves Riftwatch.

[bouchonne]

No, no, I think you have the right of it. I've been trained by Anders. Someone screaming in my face truly moves my heart now.

[wythersake]

Avoiding it does. Rather, it moves your companions.

[bouchonne]

May I trust that you won't be screaming?

[wythersake]

I'm better-suited to harping, or belabouring an obvious point.