crystal.

[cozen]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Bastien
RECIPIENT: Everyone
NOTES: There's an OOC explanation and sign-up post over here, and a log going up this weekend.

Salut, amis. I come bearing terrible news.

[ It can’t be so terrible, given his tone. Not like a dozen people have suddenly died terrible. But he does sound somewhat contrite. ]

We are to have etiquette lessons—and dance lessons as well, while everyone is dressed up and accounted for—and I am afraid it is mandatory, because I asked the division heads if we could make it mandatory, please, and they said yes.

Mandatory does mean everyone. If you already know everything, you can come be a positive example. If you know nothing and would prefer not to learn—you will have to learn regardless. There is nothing anyone can do to stop it.

And it gets worse: we will do it on two different days, during two different weeks, to make sure anyone who has other obligations or has taken suddenly ill is nonetheless forced to participate.

The first is this Sunday, six o’clock, in the Mage Tower’s dining room. Wear what you would wear if a lord or lady invited you to dinner. Your attire will count toward your score, so if you don’t know what you would wear, find someone with an Orlesian accent before it is too late.

—I am truly sorry.

[ No he isn’t. ]

Comments

[elegiaque]

Is it too late to have actually died.

[cozen]

In the past, yes, I am afraid so. But there is always the present and the near future. You have five days.

[chainlightning]

What if I've already worn it? That's fewer points, isn't it?

[cozen]

Ha. [ Funny. ] Yes, perhaps, in some circles. But for this, no.

[bouchonne]

[ Cheerily: ]

Come now, don't even pretend to apologize to this unwashed rabble. They don't deserve it. They need this beyond question, filthy louts that they are.

[cozen]

I am glad you think so, since you will be helping us.

[hornswoggle]

You're joking.

[cozen]

Only about being sorry.

[chainlightning]

[ Conspiratorially: ] We can sit next to each other and giggle.

[filthydipper]

D'you need to bath first?

[Gwen don't you dare bring Your Man into this, do not think of it.]

[elegiaque]

You're not putting the nice clothes I had for you on unwashed.

[cozen]

It would be kind of you.

[inkindled]

This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

[cozen]

It is?

[ A contemplative moment. ]

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pen?

[elegiaque]

I knew you hadn't been here for long.

( gwenaëlle. )

But as much as it pains me to say, while obviously if about two thirds of the people attending this mandatory training are ever in such a position we'll have significantly larger problems than whether or not they know which fork to use, it isn't completely idiotic to think it's worth having whatever extremely marginal edge can be got against that not sufficiently unlikely for comfort scenario.

[staysail]

Out of curiosity--and not protest, mind--is there something that's prompted this sudden interest in manners and fine clothing and learning to dance? Some event, say, or perhaps visit, that us normal folk're not yet aware of?

[cozen]

No, monsieur, nothing like that. Only that we must impress people on our own merits, now, rather than flash an Inquisition insignia for instant legitimacy.

[meds4sale]

...Mandatory.

[For something uttered so devoid of tone it's astounding how much venom the Medicine Seller can sneak into every syllable.]

[cozen]

[ Well that’s charming. Bastien is fazed—but he doesn’t sound fazed at all. It’s a job requirement. ]

I am afraid so.

[altusimperius]

Etiquette of which country? Orlais?

[coquettish_trees]

Nothing so specific at this juncture. There are a great many similarities to baseline acceptable behavior in countries across Thedas, as you know, and a handful of dances popular enough to have made the full sweep of the South that can be readily counted upon. Then, should more be required for a specific event in the future, we shall not have to start from the basics and may simply brief our travelers upon the appropriate additions.

[in_death_sacrifice]

I decline this mandatory invitation. Can you not make exceptions for those who've already learned these skills, after all? Some of us have far more important ways of spending our time.

[cozen]

We cannot. If you know everything, you can help the people around you.

[writteninblood]

You're going to regret it.

[Sorrel does not sound as if this is a threat, except insofar as that it sounds like he's threatening to cooperate, which is a bad thing. He's going to dress like a proper Dalish First, and he's going to compete.]

Just warning you, fair and open. [It's a race to the bottom.] Shall I bring a date?

[cozen]

If your date is one of us. I am not teaching any dockhands you pick up the hour before.