03.

[assistente]

FORM: sending crystal
SENDER: Seneschal Salvio Pizzicagnolo
RECIPIENT: everyone, anyone
WHAT: an announcement + an update + addressing some complaints
WHEN: now!
WHERE: Kirkwall
NOTES: apply for building permits, ask questions, or request projects for base ops here. make your inevitable complaints at the complaint box.

Hello. This is-- [oh, Maker] Seneschal Pizzicagnolo. Salvio Pizzicagnolo. I am-- have been named. Seneschal.

[And if he sounds a little like he's going to cry about it, that's because he is going to cry about it.]

Seneschal, to the Inquisition's base in, in Kirkwall. Head of Base Operations. Um, we have been without a seneschal for some time, now, since Cassof-- That is to say that I am, in the process, of setting to order all of the, the neglec-- ah, the pending, requests and-- though, um, in light of the news from Orlais, there will of course be a necessary focus of efforts and resources in the, uh, in that particular-- area. Diplomacy and, ah, well. This office would not of course speculate on-- just, this office would ask that you please, when making a request or proposal-- bear that in mind, please.

Um. The, the complaint box is still to be utilized as the--receptacle, for legitimate complaints. With the goal to efficiently improve the quality of the working environment in order to optimize the Inquisition's efforts. To that end, the complaint lodged by-- [a quiet rustling, as he finds the complaint] --Coupe, that "we must recruit an assistant to the Seneschal," and the, ah, filing of the paperwork--well, yes. That is. That is settled. Complaint answered. And I have assistance from a, uh, able-bodied-- I mean, the workload is not too great, it is-- But I have an assistant. Assistance. I mean. [Maker but he wishes he was just the assistant to the seneschal again.]

Similarly, the anonymous complaint, that the-- the complaint box, itself, is too small--I have placed a larger one in its place. It is, uh, still outside of-- of the Base Operations office. Please make proper use of it as you see fit.

To a more actionable end. Um. Brother Jehan Mercier has entered a complaint, that on several occasions he has noted that the, uh-- "the figurines of Andraste and Hessarian in the alcove shrine in the mage tower have been rearranged to imply a romantic liaison." And that he has found carved into the back of one of the chapel pews a rather-- a rather bawdy rhyme. [The shuffling of the paper this time is Salvio creasing folding it in half and putting it back in its file. Please no to this.] One about Andraste that, that does not bear repeating, but-- look, Brother Mercier has suggested, and I, I agree, that-- we cannot spare staff to safeguard the sacred spaces but we might all just. Just stop. With that sort of thing. Please. There is much to do and-- and talents might be turned elsewhere toward matters more, um, productive. To the Inquisition. Especially in these days.

Yes. So. That will be-- that's, uh, all. For now. Please direct concerns to the-- the appropriate letter-box and complaints to the complaint box.

Thank you.

Comments

[zombra]

Of course. But now you get to do work and delegate too. It's a lot of stuff, so I just wanna make sure you're all about letting someone else touch the paperwork too.

[ A pause. ]

By the way, do you need someone to sand those pews down to get the dirty limerick or whatever it was off it?

[arlathvhen]

...Did someone force you into the job...?

[ Are you being threatened. Is there some mysterious assailant in the Gallows whose M.O. is forcing people to work jobs they don’t want. ]

[assistente]

[Bleakly:] Thank you.

The trouble with-- deterring, is that-- you see, we are not so many in number. There are smaller organizations, certainly, but-- I do not know that we could staff a watchman in place for so very long a time, regardless of-- I mean, I would prefer an honest appeal to the, the good sense of the Inquisition. Out of respect. Perhaps.

Unless-- you would like to hold a watch?

[Is it too much to hope that this is a roundabout volunteering?]

[assistente]

Ah.

[Does he... dare to believe this... or take it as it seems to be, which is a warning wrapped in a declaration?

Perhaps he will research a way to deter ants and honey from boxes. Just to be safe.]

I-- see. Yes. I am not-- I would not have suspected that anyone would, have-- The thought would not have crossed my mind. Until now.

[assistente]

[Kind of under his breath--] If they put the paperwork back where it belongs, if they do not--

[Ahhhhh. So much could go wrong with the filing. More clearly:]

Yes. Of course. Ah, the-- pews, yes. If you are not-- it is, um, rather bawdy. As I said. To read. Brother Mercier did a... rub? [Maybe this is the word?] For our records. It is-- quite.

[assistente]

Well. Yes. No. I mean, of course, I know that it is not Andraste, Andraste is--

I would appeal to the good graces of the-- the culprit, before I took such measures. And what if a member of the Chantry had good cause to move the statue, and they could not, why, then they would-- come for us. [And wow would that be bad.] I think that trapping a sacred space might also be... unwise.

[letoldthingsdie]

No, I'm not volunteering. Only offering suggestions. Maybe there's an easier way to go about it, if you're worried about manpower. It's just a few figures, right?

[Not that he doesn't appreciate the Seneshal's plight.]

[assistente]

What? No!

Um. No. I was-- acting, as an assistant to the seneschal. The assistant, that is. Have been, for-- some years, now. So--I understand the importance of the work, the general, position, of seneschal. I take it very seriously.

[Um. After a slight pause--]

That was a-- joke. About the new seneschal.

[strangel]

No. Would be waste of honey.

( Please, she has priorities. )

[strangel]

Seneschal should be more aware of risks and dangers, I think.

Do not be worrying. I will not bring you ants or honey to complaining box.

[sorcerised]

[ Oh ho. Well, it's good to know there's no end in sight for the teasing of poor Salvio. ]

Yes, I have a complaint.

The Seneschal of Base Operations appears to have quite heinously lied to me over the fact that he has been, and is, and will continue to be Seneschal. I must say, this sort of behaviour from an official of the Inquisition really is very disappointing, and surely brings the entire organisation into disrepute.

I'd write this up for the complaints box, but I suspect the recipient would pretend it went elsewhere. You really can't trust anyone these days.

[thunderproof]

❰ well that's sort of alarming. ❱

Surely you could decline if you thought the job would be bad for you? I don't think the Inquisition would like to have someone of so... nervous a disposition in so critical a... position. As an assistant, certainly, but —

Which is all immaterial because you're here and that's that, but. I sort of feel bad that you are. Um. I'm Adalia, I'm the assistant to Sorrel Ashara, we run Elven Artifacts. If there's anything I can do to make your job easier, feel free to let me know. I'll do what I can.

[koteletten]

Have you filled out all the appropriate forms that accompany your promotion?

[zombra]

[ If they don't, Salvio will write them a very terse letter? ]

Aww, is this you being concerned for my delicate sensibilities?

[arlathvhen]

Ah—I’m, ah. I see. I’m sorry, then.

[ Awkward pause. ]

If I find a spare seneschal in my desk, you’ll be the first to know, I assure you.

[pocketchange]

Don’t let him fool you. He’s a beast. It’s all paperwork and stammering until your defenses are down, then BAM.

[apologist]

This depends on the trap, no?

[ Absolutely here for revenge. ]

We might have them declared Exalted Traps.

[assistente]

[A terse letter... in red ink.

To her question, however (? it was a question, wasn't it), Salvio firsts responds with a momentary confused pause.]

Do-- you have...?

[assistente]

[Aware of a risk of honey?]

Or anything similar. To-- to ants. Or honey. Only complaints. Complaints, written out, on a page. In ink.

[assistente]

[A confused pause, and then Salvio, despite himself, answers informally--]

What, really?

[assistente]

[Horrified, Salvio almost falls over himself in his haste to rebut this complaint--]

No he didn't!

[All in a desperate rush, it comes out sounding almost like one word. Wait. Take a breath--]

No he-- I, I didn't. I was not seneschal, when we spoke.

[assistente]

[With great confidence:]

Oh, yes.

[Well. Wait. With... much less confidence--]

Did I-- miss some?

[assistente]

Oh. Yes.

[Definitely it was too much to hope. A lesson Salvio should have learned by now. Fool.]

If you had been volunteering that-- would have been the easier way. But you weren't, so, this is-- [awful] --never, um, mind.

It is a few important figures, you see.

[assistente]

Hah. Yes. [Awkward. And, in the spirit of that hah, and jokes, Salvio decides to try to improve this weird conversation and make a joke of his own.] No use to me if he is dead.

[That is a joke, before you ask.]

[assistente]

[Wha--]

That is not-- No!