therookery | [Crystal] [Open]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Mal Draco
RECIPIENT: The Inquisition
WHAT: Some thoughts on phylacteries, blood magic, and magic.
WHEN: After the end of Phylactery Shenanigans
WHERE: The Gallows
NOTES: Warnings for pro-Circle talk, child emotional abuse, and of course, blood magic.

[There's the slight tinkle of glass, and something thick being sloshed around in a tiny container. A deep, heartfelt sigh. Then Mal speaks softly.]

... this is the first and last piece of willing blood magic I have ever been part of. Everything else was, and still is, just scars on my soul and on my memory.

[She's silent for a moment.]

I'm from Nevarra. In Nevarra, mages are respected, given power and influence but they don't rule. There is - was - a Circle and it was ... amazing. Books and teachers willing to teach you just about anything about magic. I could go home whenever I wanted. The Templars there were strict, but respectful. It was ... competitive, for me. My mother was such a Nevarran institution - a Mortalitasi with a powerful reputation. I could never live up to her, her expectations. I thought excelling in the Circle would finally make her love me.

[Another tinkle of the glass.]

Instead, she just used me as a tool in her blood magic, and since she did that, I was the tool that stopped her. The scar is gone on my skin, but sometimes I trace over it, just to see if I can still feel the raised skin.

[Slosh, slosh.]

My mother was a terror. A monster who attempted to murder an innocent family because they didn't invite her to a baby's name day. The only way they stopped her was me, and finally, her phylactery. When I was taken to Ostwick, I was glad to see my vial wrapped up and packed away. I never wanted to be used as a tool for blood magic -- but I have always been, and and always will be, more afraid of what my desires will drive me to do.

I am my Mother's daughter, after all. Even if she never really wanted to admit that.

[A heavier sigh.]

I have always chosen to go back to a Circle, a safe place, after all this is over. One of our own making, where Carlos and I can feel secure again. Roof over our head, food in our stomachs ... and far, far away from the kind of people who would drag us back down into darkness. If nothing else, this has strengthened my belief of that. Mages, brothers and sisters of the Chantry, Templars and Seekers.... are all, in the end, just people, and people are weak. People will do what they have to, to survive. To move forward, to move up. People will do horrible things to other people, to get what they need, what they want.

[Fingers tighten around the glass object, before there's the sloshing sound of liquid being poured from one glass container to another. Yes, that might be liquor.]

So now, the Inquisition holds my leash after this whole thing and and ... I don't trust myself with it. I don't trust the Inquisition, or the Chantry either. So ... what do I do? Who do I give this to, who do I trust, to stop me when - if - I go too far?

[Tinkle of glass.]

Any ideas, Inquisition?s

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Judging someone based on their parents is stupid. You're not your mother. You're your own person, whatever that means. You take responsibility for yourself and your actions, and if you fuck up to the point where someone needs to take you down...well, there are ways to do it that don't involve having your blood.

Do you really want someone to have that kind of leverage over you again?

Lots of people are stupid, Korrin. Whole world, filled with stupid, stupid people. I don't think I really have to tell someone who hates the Qun and Rifter-nay-sayers that.

I don't know! I mean, it was awful. I was falling asleep, hurting myself and others, and I never ever wanted to do that again. I don't trust the Chantry, and I ... really don't about the Inquisition having it. I know I don't trust myself.

At the same time - phylacteries .... if I got lost, someone could find me. Or at least find my desiccated corpse. They could stop me if I turned into an abomination.

I don't want to be tortured but I also don't want to put people at risk. I ... I'm done with that self-destructive bullshit.

Yeah, I know all about stupid people because sometimes it feels like I've met all of them. But just because your mother way one way doesn't mean you're going to turn out anything like her. The fact that you're self-aware about it means you stand a good chance of resisting, being your own person.

[Her tone softens.]

You've been through some serious shit, that's for sure. I can't truly understand what it's like to have a phylactery, but the abuse of it sounds...terrifying. Makes my skin crawl, just thinking about it.

But there are other ways to find you. We have a scouting division, sending crystals...and I'm sure we can come up with more means than don't involve putting a huge target on your back.

[Mal sighed again, deeply, and then made a frustrated noise as she rubbed her hands over her face.]

If I break it, does it mean I can't go back? That I can never be a Circle mage again? I would hate that. I don't ...I chose this life. I want to study magic with fellow mages, safe from the outside world, where they are safe from me.

I want to control who I am - what I am - and be safe. I just. I don't know how to do that in this world.

That's because you can't. 'Control' and 'safe' aren't concepts that really exist, especially right now. The closest people get is the illusion of either, but relying on that doesn't help them survive in the long run.

Breaking it just means that it's destroyed and no one can use it against you. If the Circle returns, in whatever form, who's to say you can't join it again? So many phylacteries have been destroyed anyway that I doubt they'd hold it against you. Besides, for all we know, if it returns it could be changed enough where they don't even require that shit.

[Maker, she hopes so.]

[A deep sigh.]

... Well. That is a more valid point than most.

[More wine is going into her glass by the sound of it.]

Except the Inquisition has it. So. Yeah. Not sure what's going on with that.

Time to ask, then. People deserve to know what's going to happen with their own blood. I can do it, but it'd probably mean more coming from someone who actually has a phylactery.

Well, all right ... who am I asking? I mean, who would have them now?

Hm...good question. [Who would be in charge of former Circle property?] Any of the division heads would have to know, I'd think. The Forces one is a Templar, right? Maybe ask her.

.... there are a lot of templars here. Which one is she?

Ser Coupe? Older woman, I don't know much more than that. But if she's worth anything, she'll at least listen and try to find out for you.

Huh. Well. [Exhaled breath out with a sigh, into her wine glass.]

Might as well give it a shot. I like Templars well enough, and most I've known were at least straightforward with me.

It's weird to think of that working out in the Gallows of all places, but hey. Different times, different problems.

Tell me about it ... world turned upside-down. First though, I need to sober up and stop picking fights with Rebel mages and Tevinters. Which will be tomorrow.

[Bright voice.] Would you care to join me in some wine and snark?

Silly question, of course I do. Where at?

I am sitting in mine and Carolus's room, and arguing with a rebel mage and a Tevinter.

... you should probably take this crystal away from me before I go to punch one or the other.

Yeah, I'll do that. Nothing good ever comes of arguing with strangers when you're sauced, trust me.

I guess not. Mostly because they are just trying to talk down to me like I'm a child.

Well, no reason to put up with that. Just cut them off and don't give them the satisfaction.

You sure I shouldn't just hunt them down and punch them in the guts? Or at least in the kidney?

Eh, don't. I know it's tempting, but we need all the people we can get to fight that darkspawn asshole.

Ugh. Fine. Just know that I am doing this for the greater good.

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