therookery | [Crystal] [Open]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Mal Draco
RECIPIENT: The Inquisition
WHAT: Some thoughts on phylacteries, blood magic, and magic.
WHEN: After the end of Phylactery Shenanigans
WHERE: The Gallows
NOTES: Warnings for pro-Circle talk, child emotional abuse, and of course, blood magic.

[There's the slight tinkle of glass, and something thick being sloshed around in a tiny container. A deep, heartfelt sigh. Then Mal speaks softly.]

... this is the first and last piece of willing blood magic I have ever been part of. Everything else was, and still is, just scars on my soul and on my memory.

[She's silent for a moment.]

I'm from Nevarra. In Nevarra, mages are respected, given power and influence but they don't rule. There is - was - a Circle and it was ... amazing. Books and teachers willing to teach you just about anything about magic. I could go home whenever I wanted. The Templars there were strict, but respectful. It was ... competitive, for me. My mother was such a Nevarran institution - a Mortalitasi with a powerful reputation. I could never live up to her, her expectations. I thought excelling in the Circle would finally make her love me.

[Another tinkle of the glass.]

Instead, she just used me as a tool in her blood magic, and since she did that, I was the tool that stopped her. The scar is gone on my skin, but sometimes I trace over it, just to see if I can still feel the raised skin.

[Slosh, slosh.]

My mother was a terror. A monster who attempted to murder an innocent family because they didn't invite her to a baby's name day. The only way they stopped her was me, and finally, her phylactery. When I was taken to Ostwick, I was glad to see my vial wrapped up and packed away. I never wanted to be used as a tool for blood magic -- but I have always been, and and always will be, more afraid of what my desires will drive me to do.

I am my Mother's daughter, after all. Even if she never really wanted to admit that.

[A heavier sigh.]

I have always chosen to go back to a Circle, a safe place, after all this is over. One of our own making, where Carlos and I can feel secure again. Roof over our head, food in our stomachs ... and far, far away from the kind of people who would drag us back down into darkness. If nothing else, this has strengthened my belief of that. Mages, brothers and sisters of the Chantry, Templars and Seekers.... are all, in the end, just people, and people are weak. People will do what they have to, to survive. To move forward, to move up. People will do horrible things to other people, to get what they need, what they want.

[Fingers tighten around the glass object, before there's the sloshing sound of liquid being poured from one glass container to another. Yes, that might be liquor.]

So now, the Inquisition holds my leash after this whole thing and and ... I don't trust myself with it. I don't trust the Inquisition, or the Chantry either. So ... what do I do? Who do I give this to, who do I trust, to stop me when - if - I go too far?

[Tinkle of glass.]

Any ideas, Inquisition?s

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So because people do horrible things, you will hide behind other people? You dwell on your ancestors rather than choosing to stand on your own feet and accepting that you are in control of your desires - you are Nevarran.

Not just anyone -- wait. Wait, I know that voice. You're one of those Tevinters..

I am. And not held back by fear, because I know myself.

Have you tried Nevarran traditions like stuffing magic in your mother's body and asking her why she did as she did? Perhaps you can find another excuse to keep from being responsible for yourself.

Uh, excuse me, first of all - I am not about to take moral advice from a magister from Tevinter.

Second of all - fat lot you know about the Necropolis! They wouldn't let her be buried there. They burned her body. Burned it. That's what you get for trying to assassinate someone in the Royal family line.

Thirdly - How Dare You. Again, can I point out that coming from a country of NO magical control whatsoever does not give you the right to dictate to me just how safe I feel with my own abilities and weaknesses, you ham-fisted, smug, officious arsehole.

Not actually a magister, for the record.

[Yet. He's a bit amused.]

And we have a great deal of magical control. That we rely on self-control more heavily than most of Thedas is no downfall. That you chose to tell everyone with a crystal that you don't think you have self-control and want others to control you might be a weakness on your end.

You are out here now. Have you wound up killing someone you did not mean to yet? Hurting someone you did not mean to? Did blood magic suddenly happen in your vicinity? If the answers to these are no, why do you think you are powerless to keep that from changing?

Oh sorry. Altus.

[She is now Grumpy and Drinking.]

Ugh, excuse me, the nation that birthed the most blood magic out of all of them again, does not get to lecture me on self control. Especially when you have slaves and Templars who are pretty much your slaves.

[A. Longer. Pause.]

... No. NO I have not. I have ended up hurting people but that was only through - verbal abuse and now phylactery torture. And uh, duh. Of course it did. Venatori? I am not responsible for them but they are always doing blood magic around me.

I think you miss my meaning about the blood magic.

[Most of the rest he's just going to... move on from. It's besides the point.]

The point I am making is that if you are not hurting people or killing people or using blood magic now, why would that change? Why do you not have enough faith in yourself to think you can keep from doing those things? You have a choice in the matter and that choice is about your own self-control. Or lack thereof. What you do is in your hands, and it is irresponsible to expect another group to prevent you from making the bad choices you say you do not want to make.

I think you're missing my point about not lecturing me.

[Eyeroll here.]

Ugh. Listen, everyone has choices -- and guess what? Sometimes people make the wrong one. So they have to do something and that ends up being a worse choice, so they make another one and that one is even more horrible than the first two. You say I'm too afraid to take control of myself - not true. I'm afraid that despite the fact I have self control .... that I will make a wrong choice on a bad day.

[He snorts. She's still talking, so...]

Everyone has that fear. Most go on about their days and work to not make the wrong choice despite the day they are having. You want to hand over that job to other people and that is more of a reflection on you than your fear.

I have no stake in whether or not you choose to take responsibility for your life or not. But I am curious as to whether or not you are human.

... What does that even mean? Curious as if I am human? Yes, I'm a human! A human mage! I don't have a drop of elven or dwarven or even Qunari blood in me, you sanctimonious oaf!

You want to trade work for a roof, food, clothing, safety, and security. My house trades roof, food, clothing, safety, and security for work. Why is there something wrong with the arrangement when I do it, but not when you want it?

Well let me think, unless you are running a really crap-ass Circle, no one is going to beat me for not doing magic. In fact, I did use to get a stipend to do magic in the first place, so I got paid as well as Food, Roof, Clothes, Safety, Security and Still ... not getting beaten if I didn't want to do magic that day.

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