therookery | Who let him have a crystal?

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Oghren
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Are the crystals meant for important things? Then why did you give one to Oghren?
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Kirkwall
NOTES: Oghren is his own content warning.

[The message opens up with the mother of all belches. Did he mean to do that? Probably. This is Oghren. Besides, he has your attention now, right? That means it served a purpose so he'll go with it.]

So everyone's been in a mood with this Kirkwall business. All that grumbling and brooding about. Not good for the health, if you ask me.

[One second. He's gotta take a drink. And that noise you might hear is the tavern. Because he's taking a break for drinks okay. That's allowed.]

Alright, here's what we're going to do. We're going to play a sodding game for some laughs. It works like this. I start off and I tell two truths and then one big bleeding lie. Then you guess which the lie is. Get it right and then it's your turn to give me two truths and a lie.

Sound good? Alright then let's see here... Ah wait hang on...

[LOUD FART.]

Ahhhh. Better. Here we go. One time I was in a hurry and rushed out wearing only my girl's drawers. Another time there was a bronto that tried to make me its mate. And another time I spent a night with a bunch of nugs that left food for me when I woke up.

Go on then. Which one is the lie? Game is open to everyone.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Fuck yeah! Next it's not stupidly busy, pack the taverns and start playing Never Have I Ever. This is a good prelude, though.

Let's see, ummmm... Okay. I've time traveled. I've got two swords and named them. I shot one of my friends once--deliberately.

Now you're talking! I can tell I'm already going to like whoever you are.

[Seriously. Just that response is enough to tell him this guy is GREAT.]

I'm going to say the time travel one. Don't know you but I figure that seems the weirdest of that bunch.

[Something in this world conspired to make these two meet, and everyone's going to be all the worse for it.]

Honestly, that's probably not even the weirdest story I have. Guess again, my farty friend, because this asshole has totally slipped beyond the boundaries of time before.

[Well. It felt like he did, and he thought he did, and maybe he didn't technically, he's still not sure on that point, but technicalities.]

Ha! Alright then I'll say that second one. And I'll throw in a guess that the second sword hangs between your legs.

[Because he has a filthy sense of humor so of course he's going to throw that in there.]

Wow, I know someone from home who'd probably get along great with you. [He says as if his sense of humor isn't also crude sometimes.] I haven't named my dick, but I've only got the one sword of the metal kind to stab with. Also not named.

--wait, so you totally found that more of a lie than shooting a friend?

You never said you killed whoever it was. Figured maybe it was something that needed to happen. Shoot to save a life sort of thing.

Or maybe you were just mad. Can't say I know what kind of friendship you have.

Yeah. Yeah, shoot to save a life, let's go with that one. He totally didn't die, I made sure of that, and we had a medic right there. [Well, he shot Caboose so that Doc would go over there, but who cares about semantics and details?] Not to say he was a friend I couldn't get mad at. Could say we were even after shooting me once.

You could say it's a complicated relationship I have with my squad.

Sounds pretty normal if you ask me. You should see some of the messes people get into here.

Who let him have a crystal?

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